


If the world was ending you'd come over, right?

by tropicalfruitsmoothie



Category: AtLA - Fandom, Avatar - Fandom, Avatar the Last Airbender - Fandom, Sokka-ATLA, Zukka - Fandom, Zuko-ATLA
Genre: Badass Suki (Avatar), Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), F/M, Gaang (Avatar), Gay Awakening, Gay Panic, Gay Zuko (Avatar), I mean THE SLOWEST, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, M/M, Mention of Child Abuse, Mostly Canon Compliant, Slow Burn, Toph Beifong and Zuko are Siblings, When I say slow burn, Zuko (Avatar) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Zuko has anxiety, breaking away from internalized homophobia, dadkoda, gay Zuko, idk maybe fluff?, in this house we love and respect Suki, light homophobia?, please believe ive reached my peak of dumbass, tbh all the gaang has ptsd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 69,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27977091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tropicalfruitsmoothie/pseuds/tropicalfruitsmoothie
Summary: Its the end of the world. Or at least it feels like it. With the failure on the day of Black Sun, and the threat of Sozin's Comet looming over their heads, how could it feel like anything else? but what better time to fall in love than the end of the world? or how I started reading Zukka fics and couldn't get this song out of my head
Relationships: Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Suki, Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 78
Kudos: 174





	1. I was distracted

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've ever posted so keep that in mind when reading lol. Ive got the first couple chapters written and i'm pretty excited so i might post the next few daily

Standing on the cold grey stone of the western air temple, he couldn’t help but be bombarded with images of his last visit there. He had spoken so harshly to his uncle. His uncle who was still missing following the day of black sun. His lungs felt heavy and he let out a long exhale, hoping to relieve some of the burden. It didn’t work. He had been so full of anger and confusion for so long that a simple deep breath couldn’t hope to clear away the feeling. He stood at the edge of the temple, careful to keep an eye out for the avatar. He didn’t want to be spotted quite yet. Despite his keen gaze, he couldn’t see anybody. All he could see was the view that he had missed all those years ago, the one his uncle had tried to get him to see. It was beautiful. He had been so blind, but now he felt like he could see everything for the first time, or at least had a chance to. This was his chance, and he wasn’t going to mess it up. He was going to make his case, plead for mercy and something akin to forgiveness in order to teach the avatar firebending. It had been a long time since he begged anyone for anything, and it hadn’t exactly turned out great. He took another breath to steady himself. This was not going to be the same. He was right then and he was right now, only now he had faith that the avatar would realize that. He had to convince him to realize that. 

Zuko turned on his heel and made his way through the winding temple stairs, the gentle echo of his footsteps ringing in his ears, reminding him just how alone he was. He retraced the path he had taken to where he had hidden his war balloon in the forest. It was still early on in the day and there was light enough to build a lean-to shelter from tree branches and a fallen log. It was rough, but he had certainly experienced worse in his travels. However, in the past, he usually had his uncle to make the campsite more comfortable. His absence was probably the hardest part about all of this. Zuko had never had to do something so difficult without the man who had become like a father to him by his side. He gathered some dry branches and lit a campfire. The first time he had made his own campfire was a few weeks after he had taken the bandages off his eye. He would never have told anybody, but he was still timid around fire. Thinking back, Zuko realized that his uncle must have noticed. He always made the fires, even though he was a respected general who could’ve ordered any of the crew to build it. Knowing that he was in control of the flame made Zuko less afraid, and he must have sensed it. The thought made him ache with longing for the old man. They would be reunited, he knew that in his heart, and until then he knew he would have to make him proud by doing the right thing. Even if his uncle wasn’t around to see it right now. 

As the day progressed, so did Zuko’s frustration. His apologies and explanations sounded hollow and paled in comparison to his actions. How could he apologize for betraying them all, trying to capture the avatar, and generally just making their lives hell?

“Why is this so hard!?” he shouted, startling some birds in a nearby tree into flight. He whipped around to face his imaginary audience, only to find a large toad sitting on the log that made up part of his tent. It did not seem startled. Rrrrriiiiiibbbit. It merely croaked in response to his question. In a way, he found this about as helpful as some of his uncle’s metaphors that he never could grasp. He sighed again. It seemed that at some point, his main form of breathing had been exchanged for these long, exasperated sighs. He sank to the ground and put his head between his knees. He knew that the longer he waited, the harder it would get, and it was already almost too hard to bear. Lifting his head, he refocused his gaze on the toad. Its eyes were following a dragonfly, and in an instant, its long tongue flicked out of its mouth and captured the morsel. Zuko raised an eyebrow. Maybe some food would help soothe his nerves.


	2. And in traffic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so i know its probably like a writer faux pas or something to do this but also idc im posting this same day bc why not

To Zuko’s surprise, it was the little earth kingdom girl with her back turned who noticed him first. To no one’s surprise, it was not a warm welcome. The three benders were poised, ready to strike with the power of the elements at a moment’s notice, and the one water tribe boy was armed with some kind of carved bone weapon. It was now or never.

“Uhh hi. It’s Zuko. I mean---no its---I’m Zuko. Here. I am Zuko and I am here” He was not off to a great start. “To teach the avatar firebending.” He remembered how he had rehearsed it to the toad in the forest, and added a prizewinning smile. It was met with a snarl from Katara. He figured that she was probably going to be the hardest to win over. Maybe not before the crystal catacombs, but it’s hard to forget how quickly he had turned on her once he was offered the chance to regain his honor. 

“You are not welcome here. Guys, this is some kind of trick, don’t trust him! He’s betrayed us before, why should this be any different?” Katara’s voice was strong, and it held an acidity that he hadn’t heard before from her, even before she had offered to heal his scar. He had really done some damage. 

“I know I’ve done some terrible things in the past but I’ve changed. You have to believe me! I want to help the avatar. I want to teach him firebending so he can defeat my father.” Zuko was doing his best to appear sincere, especially since he was, but he knew that there were layers to this, and each time he had done something horrific to the group, he had built up another, like so much scar tissue, until all that was left was a painful reminder of the past. 

“You’re lying, Zuko. You’ve been trying to capture me since I woke up from the iceberg, and you’ve proven over and over that all you care about is bringing me back to the fire nation!” The boy’s voice was small. Powerful, but high pitched. Zuko couldn’t help but be reminded that the avatar was a boy, not much younger than himself. He had faced so much, so much at the hands of the fire nation. At the hands of Zuko himself. He wasn’t making any sort of progress. He searched with pleading eyes for any sign of mercy among the ragtag crew that the avatar had surrounded himself with. There was Katara, who he knew was not about to break. The avatar himself had once asked if they could be friends, in another life. The water tribe boy, Katara’s brother, had said nothing up to this point. He was hard to read in a moment. Oddly enough, the earth kingdom girl refused to even look at him, dark bangs covering her eyes that were cast downward. _She probably can’t even bring herself to look at you after the atrocities you’ve committed. _He did the only thing he could think of. It was something he never thought he would bring himself to do again. He kneeled. He offered up his wrist and begged that the avatar take him as a prisoner. And he was met with a blast of icy water from Katara.__

__It overwhelmed his senses. There was water in his eyes and his ears and his nose. It was, for a moment, like the time that Azula had held him underwater when he dove down to fetch an oyster from the reef on Ember Island. He had spied it, and thought that if it contained a pearl, he could gift it to his mother. The pressure had pushed against his ears the closer he got to it, and it took more time than he expected to pry it loose from its home. With a push against the reef, hard shells digging into the balls of his feet, he pushed towards the surface, eyes straining against the reflected light and salt water. He was almost to the top when he felt a small, strong hand grasp his shoulder. He could make out the reflection of Azula against the blazing sun, feel her dagger like nails digging into his shoulder as she used every ounce of strength she had to overpower her brother. He remembered the feeling in his lungs, like a firecracker from New Year about to burst, and the way Azula had smiled at him, like his life was the prize to be won in a game she created and ruled over. Luckily, despite his lack of “competence” in firebending, compared to her, he was still a few years older, and stronger than his baby sister. He breeched the surface with a start, and ran to find his mother. He wished he could do the same now. Break the assault of water and find his Uncle who would hold him in a towel and tell him everything was alright. But he couldn’t. He gasped for air and heard the stern voice of the avatar telling him to leave and never come back. With as much dignity as he could muster, he complied. His clothes were dripping wet, and he could feel a chill setting into his bones, even in the tepid air. Each step down the stairs of the temple mocked him with a wet slurp, until he made his way back into the makeshift camp. The toad had gone, so it was just him, alone, with no uncle, no friends, and no allies. This had gone less than optimally. By the time he had made his way back it was not quite dark, but Zuko figured that there was no harm in taking an early night when the day had been such a fantastic failure._ _

__He laid his head against the solid ground, and not for the first time, wished that he had brought with him one of the plush Weasel-Goose down pillows from his room in the fire palace. He would try again tomorrow, and maybe be successful. He would not give up until he made things right. He would make thing right. He would. He repeated this like a mantra until his eyelids began to close and sleep began to take him. He dreamt of terrible things that made his toss and thrash. He could feel Azula’s hands on his shoulders, pushing him under the cool, clear water. He could feel the burning in his lungs, feel the coarse oyster shell in his hand, hear the bushes snap and rustle. With a start, he slammed awake. The bushes rustling was not part of his dream. Someone was approaching him._ _

__“Hello? Who’s there?” Zuko had no doubt. It was an enemy. Someone here to assassinate him. “Don’t come any closer!” He shouted. He released a half arc of flame from the embers of his dying campfire. It was only after he had released the assault that he heard the scream. It was not the scream of a fire nation assassin. He sprang to his feet and spotted the earth kingdom girl at the edges of the clearing._ _

__“My feet! You burned my feet!” She was screaming and Zuko was already beating himself up inside. It appeared as if the girl had snuck close to talk to him, but this certainly destroyed any chance he had at building a relationship. He ran over to the girl. She was very small. That didn’t mean she wasn’t powerful though, and Zuko got a harsh reminded as a boulder shot up towards his face. He dodged with expert reflexes and desperately tried to explain himself. He dodged another, and another, begging for forgiveness, and feeling like the rocks weren’t actually coming anywhere near him. Maybe that means she isn’t really trying to hurt me, Zuko thought with hope. That is until, he laid a hand on her shoulder, desperate to explain that he didn’t mean to harm her. She rolled onto her back and executed an earthbending kata, and with a start, Zuko got the first clear look at her face. She was younger than he had expected. Younger even than the avatar, with regal earth kingdom features, but the most striking thing about her was her eyes. They were vacant, far away and completely glazed over. She was not looking at Zuko. She was in fact, not looking at anything. She was completely blind. Zuko was hit in the chest by a large pike of earth, knocking him ten feet away, but nothing hit him harder than the realization that he had been fighting, and now burned, a very small, blind, child. He shook off the daze from his beating and looked around in the direction of the girl. She was already gone. He let his head fall back onto the ground unceremoniously and shouted into the darkness._ _

__“Why am I so bad at being good!?”_ _


	3. I didn't feel it when the earthquake happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter isn't the most interesting, its basically just a retelling of the scene where they accept him into the group. I don't want to set a precedent but I might post the next chapter as well since we all know what happens in this scene. We watched it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the four people who left kudos on my work, this is for you babes

Making friends was never easy, and hiring an assassin to kill one of the people you are trying to make friends with certainly wasn’t making the situation any better. What did seem to make it better however was helping to defeat said assassin. It was a very intense battle, and Zuko had gotten knocked to the ground more than once, but once the dust cleared, he could see that the group of kids all seemed to be standing. It was a long journey down from the cliff face to the part of the temple where they all seemed to be waiting for him. Or at least it seemed like an eternity. When he finally reached them, they were in a much less aggressive stance than their earlier encounter. Still very tense, but not armed and ready to strike him down. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thanks Zuko.” The avatar spoke, seemingly sincere, but also confused.

“Hey, and what about me? I did the boomerang thing.” Katara’s brother barely seemed to care that they had just almost been killed by a fire nation assassin. His tone was joking and he seemed to be even more relaxed than the avatar. 

It was Zuko’s turn to talk, and he braced himself for what he was about to say. It tumbled out of his mouth like an unstoppable force. 

“Listen, I know I didn’t explain myself very well yesterday” that was the understatement of the century “I’ve been through a lot in the past few years, and it’s been hard.” Actually, that was probably the understatement of the century. “But I’m realizing that I had to go through all of that to learn the truth. I thought I had lost my honor, and that my father could return it to me, but I know now that no one can give you honor. It’s something you earn for yourself by choosing to do what’s right.” Zuko was looking but not quite seeing the people in front of him. He knew that if he looked too closely at the anger in Katara’s eyes, or the mistrust on the avatar’s face, he might lose his nerve. He steadied himself and continued. “All I want now is to play my part in ending this war, and I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world.” He felt the truth coursing through his veins, like a new life starting to grow within him. He focused on the avatar to see that his face had softened. It seemed as if maybe he was getting through to him. He turned towards the small earth kingdom girl, who was perched on a large boulder. He bowed his head. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. It was an accident. Fire can be dangerous and as a firebender it’s my responsibility to control my bending so I don’t hurt people unintentionally.” With this, Zuko straightened his back to see the avatar’s face undergoing a series of changes. Recognition of his words, and something that looked like a memory flashed in his eyes. Zuko wondered if maybe he had tried his hand at firebending before, only to learn too harshly what so many firebenders have had to learn. It was then that the boy spoke up and confirmed Zuko’s suspicions. He had tried before, and burned Katara. Zuko couldn’t help but steal a glance at Katara, curious if she had healed the scars away, like she had offered to do to his. Her face was hard set into an angry frown. She cast her eyes downward, perhaps upset at the memory, or perhaps she was thinking about the crystal catacombs, and wishing she hadn’t ever offered Zuko kindness. The little blind girl was silent, and Katara’s brother was standing wide eyed and unmoving. It reminded him of the uncomfortable servants that would get caught in the middle of arguments between the firelord and whoever had offended him that day, afraid to move a muscle, lest the anger be redirected at them. 

“I’d like you to teach me.” The young, brave child that stood before him spoke with wisdom beyond his years. Zuko knew firsthand how the harsh reality of the world could make someone grow up too fast. He bowed, and for the first time in a long time, a small smile crept across Zuko’s face. He returned the bow, it had been so long since someone had shown him sincere respect. 

“First I have to ask my friends though.” This immediately threw Zuko off. Despite the avatar’s wisdom and reverence, he was first and foremost, a child. He watched as the boy turned to the little girl he had burned last night.

“Toph,” Zuko mentally made a note. He couldn’t keep calling her the ‘little blind girl’ in his head. “You were the one that Zuko burned. What do you think?” Zuko didn’t even have time to hold his breath and worry before she agreed to let him in. ‘More time to get back at him’ she had said, with a mischievous smile. It was endearing, and Zuko felt better with two people on his side. The avatar turned to Katara’s brother.

“Sokka?” Zuko vaguely recalled hearing that name before. Chase and attack people long enough and you start to get familiar. Zuko studied his face in the years long pause before Sokka responded. He was about Zuko’s age, maybe a year younger, with a strong water tribe jaw and a permanent mischievous glint in his eyes. Zuko couldn’t remember personally offending him like how he had to Katara. And Toph. And the Avatar. With a shrug, Sokka conceded. He honestly didn’t appear too concerned with anything that was going on. He made eye contact with Zuko and there was no lingering threats or coarseness in his voice. Just a pair of blue eyes. 

Katara was, as he expected, the most hesitant. Her words were cold and her gaze pierced into Zuko’s chest like a thousand ice daggers. But she did relent. And that was it. He was in. There was no big fanfare or tearful hugging. As a matter of fact, it was more like quiet acquiescence. But he had done it. He was now a part of the avatar’s quest to bend all the elements and defeat the firelord, and it felt….honorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it super obvious this isnt beta read?


	4. It really got me thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so yes i posted two chapters again but the last one doesn't really count since its pretty boring

“So,” the voice startled Zuko from his daydream. He looked over towards the source to see Sokka leaning again the door frame. “How are you liking the new room?” He spoke with a feigned casual tone, not quite comfortable yet, but pretending to be. In any case, it was better than the outright hatred that Katara had threatened him with earlier. 

“Oh. It’s good. Thank you.”

“Yeah, it’s no fire palace, but it’s better than Appa’s saddle. It wears a little thin having no privacy. And I’ve got a window in mine that overlooks the river, so that’s pretty cool.” Sokka continued. 

“Yeah.” Zuko was still unsure about how to respond to the interaction. He waited, guard up, for the jab to come. Zuko thought to himself that maybe Sokka was going to segue into a story about how Zuko threw him out of a window once, or blasted him into a river. 

“Yeah.” There was an awkward silence and Zuko realized he was probably being rude, but he didn’t want to get tricked. He didn’t want to engage and have Sokka turn around and remind him how much he was hated. It would hurt him more than just being hated in the first place. But Zuko thought; maybe he would deserve it. He would deserve being offered a hand only to have it actually be a fist. After all, he did that to Katara. And Sokka was Katara’s big brother, so it would make sense that he would do that to Zuko, as punishment for the crystal catacombs. Zuko knew he deserved that, and so he answered. 

“I haven’t exactly spent much time in the fire palace recently. It’s mainly just been camping ever since my ship was blown up.” Sokka’s eyebrows raised.

“How’d your ship get blown up?”

“Pirates.” There was a little more to it than that but it wasn’t a lie. Zuko had gotten very used to half-truths. They made stories a little more palatable. 

“Oh,” Sokka said stepping into the room and examining Zukos rucksack that had been partially unpacked, “the same ones who had the waterbending scroll?” He put down the humble canvas bag and flopped onto the bed. Zuko was left standing uncomfortably on display in the middle of the room. He had almost forgotten that the reason he had partnered with the pirates in the first place was because they were also hunting this group. In a weird way, it made him feel a little bit better, because that was trouble that he had nothing to do with. They had ended up in trouble and danger all by themselves. So at least he wasn’t the only negative thing in their lives. Maybe the worst, but certainly not the only. 

“Yeah,” he laughed “I guess so. You know, stealing from pirates wasn’t the smartest move. Violence is kind of their whole lifestyle.” Sokka leaned back against the wall and pulled his feet up, resting his elbow on his bent knee.

“Hey, it wasn’t my decision. Katara was the one who did the actual thieving. I was just along for the ride. And I don’t think you get to lecture me about smart decisions. After all, you don’t get ships blown up by making good decisions.” Sokka did have a point. And Zuko didn’t even mention that he was on the ship when it got blown up because it wasn’t the ship that was the target. That also arose from a series of bad decisions. 

“Maybe not. But I’m making good decisions now. Or at least I’m trying to.” Zuko stared at the floor, feeling very vulnerable. Sokka was quiet for a moment. 

“Look, I don’t know if you are for real or not, and I’ll protect my friends if you aren’t.” Zuko met his eyes, he wanted Sokka to know that he was listening. “But, if you are, if you are actually trying to do good, then you will. My mom used to that there was good in everybody that wants to be good,” The mention of Sokka and Katara’s mother caused Zuko to flinch. The memory of the crystal catacombs burned behind his eyes. “and I’m not saying it wasn’t shitty of you to betray Aang and Katara, and all of us in Ba Sing Se, but…” Sokka pursed his lips and shrugged, clearly not knowing exactly what to say “I know that I would do anything for Katara. She’s my baby sister. And I know that your sister is totally crazy and lightning shoot-y, and that really should have played a bigger part in your decision to betray us, but it’s not easy to turn your back on family.” Zuko knitted his brow. “I guess what I’m saying is, I hope you are good. Cause, yeah Aang needs a firebending teacher but also, it would mean that my mom was right. It’s nice to think that goodness can come from anyone who looks for it, and I think it’s really brave of you to try.” Zuko wanted to look away, to hide his face in shame, but Sokka’s eyes held him locked in a trance. His words were ineloquent, but they held a gravity that pulled Zuko in. He wanted to say something, express gratitude at the trust he was being offered, or promise not to betray it, but the words stuck in his throat. “And Katara will totally freeze you in a block of ice and use you as target practice if you go all evil again.” Sokka shrugged and shattered the solemnity of the moment, and Zuko was grateful. He hopped up from Zuko’s bed and stretched his arms above his head in an overdramatic fashion. “Well, I suppose I should turn in. Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the impulse to capture the avatar overwhelm you and lead you to kidnap him in the middle of the night!” Without waiting for a response, he dashed out of the room, leaving a dumbfounded Zuko standing there.

Zuko turned his head to stare out of the window. It was dark outside now. He couldn’t see the beautiful view that he saw a few days ago, but it was comforting to know that it was still there. Even though it was hidden by the darkness, there was still good waiting. All he had to do was look for it.


	5. Were you out drinking?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the record, this is some real jasmine picking advice dispersed here

Things had changed considerably since Zuko and Aang’s little excursion to the Sun Warrior Village. For one, Zuko had begun to refer to the avatar as Aang. It was a small change to everyone else, but to Zuko, it signified friendship. There was no more title ascribed to Aang. Nor to him. He wasn’t the crown prince of the fire nation any longer. He was simply Zuko, and Zuko was someone he, and everyone else, was growing to like more and more. Save for Katara. He couldn’t seem to undo the damage there. It ate away at him; every time he saw her she was wearing a scowl, even when they were all together in a group. He knew that his very presence was making her miserable, and that was never something he wanted, even when he was still trying to capture Aang. 

It was another perfect day at the air temple. The air was warm and fragrant with flora scents. Zuko had spent the early morning before anyone else had awoken collecting pea flowers and jasmine in the meadow beyond the lake. He thought of his uncle, and heard his voice in his head as he inspected the jasmine flowers. 

‘Now Zuko, when picking jasmine for tea, the best time is the early morning, before the flowers have even woken from their night’s slumber. That way, it is more difficult to damage the delicate flower.’ Zuko broke into a melancholy smile. He missed his Uncle greatly, but making tea and telling jokes, and thinking in metaphors that made no sense were a way for him to stay connected until they met again. 

After he returned from his walk, Aang and Zuko spent all day working on firebending katas. Aang was coming along nicely. He had grown much more confident that he wasn’t going to accidentally hurt someone, as long as he was confident and kept control. They were sitting eyes closed, and crossed legged on the floor where they had been training. Meditation was something that Aang was used to, and something that Zuko had truly begun to appreciate. He mused on the fact that Aang was teaching him so much when he was supposed to be Aang’s teacher. He replayed the silly interactions with Teo, who had asked him questions about rocket propulsion control (for ultimate wheelchair modifications). He thought of the casual way that Toph joked around and awarded him the only title he would ever care about: Sparky. He hated it, and yet the very thought of it made him smile. 

“I thought you weren’t supposed to smile during meditations.” Sokka’s voice rattled out, breaking his concentration. He turned to glare at the boy who would occasionally sneak up and watch their training sessions. The look held no real heat behind it, and Sokka only responded by crunching loudly on an apple.

“Sokka, I need quiet in order to meditate. How else am I going to learn the flying spin kick?” Aang was scrunching his eyes closed tighter, trying to pretend that Sokka had not just interrupted. Zuko turned to him with an incredulous look. 

“What? You’re not even close to ready for that.” 

“Well not if I keep getting interrupted!” Aang set his face and tried to meditate harder. “Ohhhhmmmmmm. Ooohhhmmmm.” It was clearly not working.

“Aang. We’re done for today.” Aang sighed and airbent himself to standing, defeated. He cast a sour glance at Sokka, and grumbled as he began climbing the stairs back to the main temple. Zuko turned back to the guilty apple muncher. “You’re not helping. Why do you insist on disturbing our practice sessions?” he shouted.

“For your information, I am learning.” Sokka gestured with the half eaten fruit and Zuko flinched, narrowly avoiding spray of juice. “We fight firebenders all the time and knowing some of their dance moves means that I can think of ways to stop them.”

“For the last time, they’re not dance moves!” Zuko scrunched his face up and got to his feet. “And I doubt that watching us practice is really going to give you a leg up in battle.” Sokka smiled and jumped up, tossing the apple over the edge of the temple floor to plummet to the bottomless depths below. He had clearly heard a challenge in Zuko’s words. 

“Oh yeah jerkbender? Why don’t you put your dance moves where your mouth is?” With a dramatic flourish, he jerked his hands into a defensive stance and began circling the exasperated Zuko.

“I don’t think using firebending against anybody, especially Katara’s brother, is going to go over well.” Sokka straightened up and glared.

“Well obviously don’t actually bend at me. Just do some of the motions and I’ll stop you.” He returned his hands to a defensive stance, and crouched slightly to brace himself. Zuko considered his options for a moment, and realized that there was very little to lose by engaging. He knew he could beat him, but it was always good practice to work on all forms of fighting, even non-bending defense. He hadn’t got very many chances to practice with his swords since he started training Aang, so maybe this would help clear away some of the cobwebs. With a shrug he launched into a kata, careful not to put any actual fire into the move. His leg landed hard in front of him and he pulled back both fists, ready to punch them forward. A move like this executed properly would release a stream of fire directly at Sokka’s face, but for now, it was an empty gesture. He tensed his muscles and like a spring, punched forward with all his might. 

It was almost like something in slow motion. Halfway through the punch, Sokka stepped forward, left arm outstretched across his body, just left of his own reach. Zuko was stunned by how fast he was able to move, and watched helplessly as Sokka rotated, using his left elbow to push Zuko’s arms away while simultaneously using the momentum to bring his right fist towards his now undefended face. He couldn’t see the fist once it passed his limited field of vision, but he knew it was headed directly for this left eye, and he braced himself for the hit. But it didn’t come. He turned his head to see a hand an inch from his face, and a gloating smile plastered across Sokka's already normally smug face. Zuko thought that this was worse than actually being punched. He pulled away and stepped too many steps back from Sokka, leaving a large gap between them.

“How did you just do that?” Zuko’s voice was slightly higher than usual.

“It’s like I said, I watched you practice that move a dozen times. I realized that for a split second in the punch, you are switching between having your weight on your back foot and your front foot, leaving you open to being thrown off balance.” He put his hands on his hips and continued grinning. Zuko was not grinning.

“Yeah well, it would be different if I was actually bending. It you timed it wrong you’d end up face to face with a stream of fire.” Zuko was grasping at straws and he knew it. That move put Sokka close, almost pressed against his own body, which meant that he was behind the start of the fire stream.

“Yeah, then I’d look like you.” The moment the words left his mouth Sokka wished he could take them back. He watched as Zuko flinched, and deflated, his head lowering like a scolded animal, hair hanging like a curtain around his face. “No, I mean, then I’d……..I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” Sokka wanted to reach out to comfort the boy he had just hurt with his careless words, but he dared not step any closer. “I got a big mouth. It doesn’t look bad. I mean, I barely even see it. Do you have a scar? I never noticed.” his words were tumbling out of his mouth and falling flat on the floor. 

“Sokka.” Zuko’s voice was quiet. “It’s alright. I know it’s the first thing everyone sees when they look at me. For a while it was the only thing I could see too.” He raised his eyes. The grin was completely gone from Sokka’s face. All that was left was regret and concern. Very few people had looked at him like that. He could probably list them all on one hand. “It bothered me for a while, but now it’s a reminder. Of the danger of the fire nation and why I’m doing this.” Sokka’s face had changed from regret and concern to confusion and concern. There was a silence permeating the air between them, and Zuko remembered the last time there had been a charged silence between them; when Sokka had called Zuko brave and then immediately threatened to sic Katara on him. Taking a page from his book, a smirk crept onto Zuko’s face.

“Besides,” Zuko quipped “you wish you could look like me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey if you are liking the story, feel free to hit the kudos button or comment to let me know


	6. Were you in the living room chilling, watching television?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to explore Zuko's relationship with other people before i started in on his and sokka's relationship too much. it just made sense that he would have to work through forming and getting comfortable with what platonic relationships feels like in order to know what a romantic relationship feels like.

The walk back to the temple had been short, but the setting sun was already casting long shadows across the temple floor by the time he and Sokka had finished sparring, or rather the one spar. Everyone had bedded down for the night and Zuko lit a small flame in his hand to help him see better. His vision was already bad, what with the only being able to see out of one eye messing up his depth perception and peripheral. Darkness only made it worse. It seemed that he wasn’t the only one having trouble navigating though. Zuko flinched at the loud noise as Sokka stumbled into one of the stone benches. 

“Ow! Stupid bench. Why couldn’t the monks just sit on the floor like normal people?” Sokka exclaimed, while rubbing his shin.

“They did. Toph made you that bench so you could retrieve your boomerang from the top of the pillar after you threw it at the bat-pigeon, remember?” Zuko watched Sokka glare at him from across his lit palm. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your room so you don’t break anything.” Zuko began walking towards Sokka’s room and Sokka followed, standing close enough to brush against his arm.  
“I guess it is pretty convenient being able to firebend. I can’t tell you how long I would have to fight to get a fire started sometimes.” 

“It has its ups and downs. It seems like Katara can only see the downs though.” Zuko had been trying his hardest to talk to Katara and start repairing their relationship, but she wouldn’t even let him close enough to say hello. He figured Sokka was the next best bet in melting some of the ice. The boy slowed to a halt in the doorway of his room and looked at Zuko across the small flame. His brow was knotted together, and his blue eyes reflected the orange flame in brilliant contrast. “Every time I try to talk to her, she runs away. She’s constantly glaring at me and I’m pretty sure that she turned some of the water I was using to bathe to ice.” 

“Look, she’s never liked the fire nation. They killed our mother, destroyed our home and our people. And traveling across the world has just shown us how much damage they’ve actually done. So, the prince of the fire nation was never going to have a great relationship with her. But whatever happened in the crystal cave was what made her hate Zuko.” Zuko lowered his gaze, ashamed. He hated what he had done too. He would give anything to take it back, but that’s not how it worked. “She told us that you talked. Mentioned that your mother was killed by the firelord too. She said she even offered to heal your scar with the spirit water that she used to save Aang.” Sokka spoke quietly, so softly that there was not even sound enough to make an echo. It was completely dark now, the only light emanating from the gentle flame flickering in Zuko’s hand. “That’s a lot that she offered you and you turned around and sided with the person who almost killed Aang.” Zuko started to make some form of protest but Sokka held up his hands. “I know you’ve changed. But that doesn’t undo how personal that betrayal was. I’ll talk to her, but I’m not sure how much it will do.” Zuko stared into Sokka’s eyes. They looked even bluer against the flame, like the last vestige of water in a desert, Sokka was his only hope. 

“Thank you Sokka.” The firebender’s voice was husky and quiet in the dark. Sokka could only see his face, casted over with warm shadows. He knew how hard Zuko was working to teach Aang, and to be patient and understanding. He even joked around with people now. Albeit not very often, and he wasn’t altogether too funny, but he was trying. It pulled at something in Sokka’s chest, and he took one last look into Zuko’s eyes. The fire in his hand looked like it had sprung from his golden eyes, the same color as the flame, shimmering with each motion. 

“Good night.” Zuko watched as Sokka stepped into the room and closed the door, leaving Zuko in the chill night. He knew that he should retreat to the safety of his bedroom, but he couldn’t let the thought of Katara go. When she agreed to let him into the group, she went last, after everyone had accepted him. Maybe, if he became close to everyone else, she would realize that he had truly changed, or at least give him a chance. He mulled this though over in his head, wondering if this could work when he heard a voice. 

“You lost, Sparky?” Zuko whipped around and squinted into the darkness. He could barely make out the shape of the small girl. “This is Sokka’s room. Your’s is over there.”  
“I know, I was just talking to Sokka. What are you doing up?”

“I heard a big thump. Wanted to make sure we weren’t under attack. I didn’t expect to find you crawling out of Sokka’s bedroom in the dark. Yuck!” she recoiled like she had been struck “Were the two of you responsible for that thump?” Zuko’s heart stopped and the flame in his hand flared. The implication hit him harder than the pike pillar she had hit him with.

“What! How could you even say that! We’re both boys! Men.” Zuko blinked rapidly and could feel himself squirm under her gaze, before remembering that she didn’t have a gaze.

“Hey take it easy there Sparky. I can feel your heart like a herd of elephant-rhinos. It was just a joke. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with two boys causing thumping, just so long as it doesn’t interrupt my beauty sleep.” Zuko was sweating and desperately wanted to talk about anything else other than thumping. 

“I was looking for you. I wanted to talk about Katara.” He realized that the flame in his palm was still higher than it should be, so he took a breath and steadied himself. 

“Oh, so it’s the other sibling that tickles your fancy?” Zuko thought his head was going to explode. He sighed deeply and put his head in the hand that didn’t contain any fire. “Well, come on. We can go back to my room.” Toph turned on her heel and began navigating back into the darkness. Zuko jogged to catch up to her, worried that she might trip in the darkness, and remembered, yet again, that darkness was not a problem for her. She never ceased to amaze him with her abilities. 

“I don’t like Katara that way.” Zuko spat. Toph just smiled in return and continued walking.

Toph’s room was situated on the other side of Sokka’s, but the solid stone walls offered complete protection from outside distractions. It was the same size as everyone else’s but her diminutive stature made it look much bigger as Zuko lit the lantern on the wall so he could relax his hand. She flopped into the wooden chair and put her feet up on the desk.

“So what do you want to know about mother hen?”

“I don’t want to know anything. I want to ask for your help. Katara hates me. She thinks I’m still the person I was and she won’t even give me a chance to show her that I’m not. I feel so lost. My uncle would know what to do.” 

“She knows you’re not that person anymore Zuko. That ain’t the issue.” Toph said this with a tone that screamed you’re an idiot. “The issue is that you hurt her and to date, haven’t done anything to really make it up or apologize. You just showed up and made friends with everybody. She feels like everyone’s forgotten how much hurt you caused her. The closer you get to all of her friends, the more betrayed she feels by them as well.” He couldn’t believe how easily this world shattering revelation slipped from Toph’s mouth. He sat down on the bed to process this information.

“So what should I do? Stop being friends with everyone until she decides that I’m forgiven?” Zuko hated the idea of that. He had grown quite fond of the group. He still wasn’t completely comfortable, maybe not even enough to be considered a friend, but he was working his way towards something like that. 

“Look, maybe a good idea is to apologize. The way you did to me. When you burned my feet you bowed and asked for my forgiveness in front of everyone. You admitted what you did wrong and said that you were going to work on not doing it again. With Katara, you showed up after betraying her, apologized to everyone else, and then started teaching Aang. She didn’t even like it when I started teaching Aang. She’s very protective of him. Not to mention he only called me Sifu and not her. She feels disrespected and wants to protect herself and her friends from feeling what she felt.” Zuko let out a huff. 

“How do you manage to see more than I do, Toph?” Zuko admired the little girl. She was so strong and brusque, but she cared about her friends so much. And the way she said everything to him like he was an idiot made things a little easier. The tone was familiar to the ones he had grown up with, but the words never made him feel bad about himself. In fact, they helped him. He wasn’t used to accepting help, but from Toph it felt less like help and more like truth. 

“Well Sparky,” she said, leaning far back in her chair with a smile on her face, “I guess I’m just built different.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there'll be a note on the next chapter but as an advanced warning, there will be references to hompphobia in the next chapter


	7. It's been a year now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are some references/mentions of homophobia in this chapter so pls be advised

The wait had been excruciating, but Zuko knew that good tea took time, and he was still intent on making a good impression. The group of kids had gathered around the fire, courteously provided by Aang, who was excited to show off his firebending. 

“No one can make tea like Uncle, but hopefully I learned a thing or two. Would you like to hear Uncle’s favorite tea joke?” The group, minus Katara, let out excited murmurs of agreement. Zuko began distributing the jasmine tea he had so carefully brewed. “Well, I can’t remember how it starts, but the punchline was ‘leaf me alone, I’m bushed!’” He waited for the peals of laughter that he expected to come after hearing a joke his uncle never failed to laugh at, but they didn’t come. He looked around at the group of kids, a blanket confusion had come over them. “Well, it’s funnier when uncle tells it.” He knelt by Katara and Aang, offering up the steaming cups.

“Right. Maybe that’s because he remembers the whole thing.” Zuko almost flinched from hearing Katara’s voice, but strangely enough, there wasn’t any heat behind it. And when everyone laughed, he didn’t feel like they were laughing at him. It was the smallest spark of civility and he immediately tucked away that memory, savoring the feeling. He was actually feeling pretty good about himself as he offered a cup to Sokka. His mood instantly changed when he saw Sokka’s face.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” He rose, and began leading Zuko away from the bonfire. They walked out of earshot before Zuko spoke.

“So what’s up?” Zuko wasn’t sure what Sokka was about to say. He worried that maybe he misread Katara’s joke and she was actually speaking in code, letting everyone know that it was almost time to kill him. He steeled himself for that, but Sokka started asking him questions about war prisoners, and where the fire nation might put the people captured in the invasion. Zuko was still thinking about his inevitable demise, and didn’t understand why Sokka was talking about prison when Katara could strike at any moment. 

“I can’t say. Trust me. It will only make you feel worse.” He turned, and started back to the fire. He didn’t have time to give Sokka a history lesson. The tea was getting cold and bitter. He took a step when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He could feel the heat through his shirt.

“It’s my dad, he was captured too.” The hand left his shoulder, but he stayed glued to the spot. Everything suddenly made sense. Zuko now felt a little silly about the whole ‘Katara assassination plot’ when Sokka was thinking about his imprisoned father. Zuko didn’t want to tell him. He didn’t want Sokka to hear that his father was most likely at the most heavily guarded and dangerous prison in the fire nation. The boiling lake was just the first layer of awful. He didn’t even bother mentioning the stories he’d hear about the guards and the punishments they enacted. 

“Why do you need to know? What are you planning?” Sokka’s back was turned to him, and Zuko could see a flash of something in his blue eyes when he turned around and assured Zuko that he was paranoid. Zuko didn’t consider himself paranoid, he considered himself a student of human character, who used his past experiences to shape opinions. And in this case, he knew exactly was Sokka was planning to do, so he dropped some bait.

“It’s in the middle of a volcano in between here and the fire nation. You actually flew over it on your way here.” 

“Thanks Zuko.” Sokka stretched his arms far above his head and yawned comically. “Just knowing makes me feel better.” He began walking back towards the fire and laid a hand on Zuko’s shoulder as he made his way past. Zuko could feel the absence of pressure on his skin as he watched Aang beckon his friend closer and share some joke. 

“Yeah. I’m sure it does.” Zuko sighed and followed Sokka’s footsteps back to the bonfire and sat down. His tea had cooled slightly and Zuko used his hands to bring it back to a more suitable temperature. Aang was in the middle of a story about something funny that had happened to some monks. He only half listened, keeping a subtle eye on Sokka, who seemed to have returned to his normal bubbly self. 

“—and he didn’t even notice that Monk Maruki was standing right behind him!” everyone laughed at this. Zuko knew that Sokka was going to try and find his father. Rescue him from the prison through some stupid, dangerous scheme. He couldn’t let Sokka go alone, he would be killed, and he didn’t know how to stop him without betraying him. It was going to be unpleasant to say the least. They might both be killed. He pondered how he was going to disguise their absences from the group when Toph, who was sitting on his right, laughed particularly loudly and in typical Toph fashion, shouted something that she could have said at a normal volume.

“What did Maruki say? Did he airbend Yongxin right out of the temple?” Zuko was very bored with this story. 

“Of course not. The monks weren’t allowed to have romantic relationships, but Yongxin wasn’t a monk, he was just an air nomad. He couldn’t help it if he had a crush on him! Monk Maruki thought it was very funny and spent the next two days winking at him from across the temple.” Zuko could feel his heart speed up and it felt like there was too much air in his chest. He was not used to hearing things like that mentioned so casually. He couldn’t help but let out an awkward laugh. It wasn’t quite a laugh but it was the closest thing to the strange noise that escaped him. Luckily, it didn’t seem like anyone noticed him over their own laughter. 

The night continued with joyous abandon until the fire was nothing more than a few low burning coals. As everyone made their way to their respective rooms, Zuko remained by the fire for a few moments longer. He was consumed by his thoughts, wondering when Sokka was going to try to leave when he noticed Haru was still sitting by the fire as well.

“I thought you were going to bed.” Zuko’s voice was coarse, but held no anger. He hadn’t spent much time with the earthbender so his presence was disconcerting. 

“I am. I just.” He grew quiet for a moment and looked around, searching to make sure no one else was within earshot. “You’re fire nation.” Zuko was confused by this very obvious statement.

“Yeah.” Another awkward pause.

“I grew up in a town completely controlled by fire nation soldiers, and therefore their ideals.” Zuko realized that Haru must be thinking about the monk and nomad from earlier. “Anyone like the people in Aang’s story were punished. So, if there was ever any stories like that, they didn’t get told.”

“Why are you talking to me about this?” Zuko’s voice came out harsher than he expected. It wasn’t his fault that his grandfather and father had certain predjudices. Even in Sozin’s time, people were allowed to be with whoever they wanted, but now things were different. At least, that was what Zuko had though. Clearly, Aang was from a different time so his ignorance was excused away, but Toph, Katara, Teo and Sokka didn’t seem to find it the least bit strange. 

“I don’t know. I guess it’s just weird and I figured as a fire nation citizen you would understand. I talked to Katara about it once and she said that it was only the fire nation that was hung up on who loved who. Teo lived at the temple and the freedom fighters lived in the woods so they were all far enough away from the fire nation’s influence. Toph was hidden away deep in the earth kingdom and the fire nation didn’t even bother colonizing the South Pole. It seems like I’m the only one who feels scared to talk about it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but it make me nervous. Like a fire nation soldier is going to overhear and hurt us.” Zuko didn’t understand why Haru was talking to him about it. What did he want him to say?

“Well we’re not in the fire nation anymore. And if a fire nation soldier was here, they would hurt us. Regardless of what we were talking about.” He stood abruptly. This conversation was making his chest feel tight. He didn’t know what Haru wanted. He understood the hesitation, he himself had seen the way people like the ones in Aang’s story were referred to and mocked by the soldiers from his own ship, and whispered about like some mythical monster. Even if he never understood why. “I’m going to bed.” Zuko began walking towards his room when he heard Haru’s voice.

“I saw you staring at Sokka.” Zuko stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t even bother turning to face Haru. “That’s why I’m talking to you.” Zuko whipped around and glared at the earthbender. He was standing now, his shoulders relaxed. 

“I wasn’t staring!” Or rather, Zuko didn’t realize his staring had been so noticeable. He didn’t know how to say that he was staring at Sokka for a different reason without drawing suspicion. 

“Look, I just wanted to say that I know how the fire nation can get into your head and if you ever want to talk about it, we might be able to help each other understand a little. Get more comfortable with it without being judged. ” Haru shrugged. He hadn’t shared more than a few sentences with Zuko since he got here, and now he was engaging in some sort of sentimental offering. Zuko’s head hurt. He wanted Haru to stop talking about this. 

“I don’t need any help! I wasn’t staring at Sokka, and I don’t care who loves who, so stop talking!” Zuko realized that he had accidentally restarted the near-dead coals of the bonfire to almost a pure flame, burning on nothing but ashes and his own emotional confusion. He turned on his heel and practically ran back to his room, his long, angry strides shaking throughout his legs with each stomp. Zuko couldn’t fathom what Haru wanted, what he was implying. Who did he think he was to imply that they were similar at all, that he could understand what Zuko was “going through”? He slammed his bedroom door behind him.

“I’m not going through anything!” He shouted at his desk. “I don’t have time to think about stupid things like romance.” He said aloud to no one. “It’s better for me to be alone anyway.” He whispered to himself.


	8. Think I've figured out how

Zuko spent fifteen minutes meditating. He knew he should be on the lookout for the dumb kid who was about to go get himself killed at the Boiling Rock, but he was still feeling tumultuous from his conversation with Haru. He hadn’t realized it, but at some point, he had resigned himself to being alone. All he did was hurt people. He thought of Mai, how he probably broke her heart. She was his closest friend and confidant, and he left her behind with only a note. He wished it could’ve been different. That he could’ve stayed with her, stayed the prince of the most powerful nation on earth, and lived happily ever after. But he couldn’t for so many reasons. The fire nation needed to be destroyed. And Mai deserved more than him for so many reasons. Particularly because, even though he loved her more than he had ever loved anyone, he wasn’t in love with her. But that didn’t matter now. He had more important things to worry about. He didn’t have the luxury of worrying about loving people. He had a responsibility, to train Aang and defeat the firelord. And after that? After he was free?

Zuko slammed his eyes open. He stared straight ahead and cleared his mind. Now was not the time. With his unique gracefulness, he stood and pressed his good ear to the door. He couldn’t hear anyone out there, so he cracked it open and looked out. The coast was clear. He had realized that Sokka, stupid kid he was, would probably try to take Appa, so Zuko made his way over to the great beast. Appa had taken a liking to him almost immediately which helped his case when asking Aang to join his group of friends. He gave the creature a gentle pat before climbing into his saddle, and settled in to wait for Sokka. 

It didn’t take long thankfully, before he saw a flash of blue climb over the edge of the brown leather.

“Not up to anything, huh?” Sokka’s eyes went wide as he saw the sullen firebender sitting slumped against the far side of Appa’s saddle. His hands started to slip and he landed hard on the stone floor, his limbs sprawled in every direction. He looked up at Zuko, indignant.

“Fine. I’m gonna go rescue my dad. Happy?” Zuko thought for a moment.

“I’m never happy.”

“Look, I have to do this. The invasion plan was my idea. It was my decision to stay when things were going wrong.” Zuko jumped down from Appa, landing without so much as sound. “It’s my mistake and it’s my job to fix it.” Sokka crossed his arms and stared into Zuko’s eyes. Zuko felt as if Sokka could see into his very core. “I have to regain my honor.” Zuko straightened up. If anyone could understand, it was him. “You can’t stop me, Zuko.” Zuko knew this, and even if he thought he could stop him, he wouldn’t try. Sokka pushed him aside and Zuko didn’t offer any resistance. 

“You need to regain your honor?” Sokka began climbing into Appa’s saddle. “Believe me, I get it.” He paused. This was going to be where the real fight would begin. “I’m going with you.”

Sokka started to argue, as Zuko expected. There were many, many, many times that Zuko felt that he had to do something alone. He couldn’t regain his honor if someone was helping him complete his missions. He also knew that there were times that he really should have taken someone with him. Times when he almost died.

“How are you going to get there? On Appa? Last I checked, prisons don’t have bison day care centers.” This made Sokka stop climbing. He might be willing to put himself in danger, but not his friends, and Appa was his friend. As much as a two ton flying beast could be. He peered over his shoulder, blue eyes filled with exasperation and desperation. Zuko lifted his chin in the air. “We’ll take my war balloon.” Without waiting for Sokka’s begrudging acceptance, he doesn’t have any choice, Zuko began making his way towards where he had stashed the contraption. On his way, he passed Momo and gently shook him awake and handed him a piece of paper, on which he had written a note to Aang, excusing his and Sokka’s absence. And outlining a training schedule for firebending practice. The little creature chirped gently, wrapped his arms around it, and promptly fell back into a deep sleep with gentle snores emanating from his tiny body. 

“What was that?” Sokka whispered.

“An alibi.” It wasn’t a long walk to where the large red balloon was hidden, but it was difficult terrain, especially with a flame in his hand for light. He had landed it when he was still hiding his presence, so it was under the temple, in the forest below. Climbing down was moderately treacherous, but Zuko wasn’t concerned. He had always been sure footed. Not nearly as graceful as Azula of course, as his father had always reminded him, but he had spent hours in his room as a child, practicing his katas while on tiptoe. It was the closest he was allowed to get to the dancing he had seen in the summers on Ember Island. The slender delicate girls that were thrown around the stage by lithe, graceful men, as they depicted the death of a dragon in the plays his mother took him to. The acting was always distractingly terrible, and the costuming was laughable, but Zuko was year after year transfixed by the dancers. 

“Slow down! I’m gon---Ah!” Zuko had half a second to step sharply to his left to avoid the falling visage of blue limbs rapidly approaching him. The blur flew past him and down the last few feet to the forest floor, landing squarely on his face in the dirt. Zuko easily traversed the path Sokka had fallen down and stood above the still boy. With a grunt, he lifted his face from the dirt and spit out a rock, and glared at Zuko, who couldn’t help a smirk from creeping across his face. “Yeah real funny.” Sokka stood and brushed off his shirt. “I couldn’t see anything because you were too far ahead with the fire! Stay closer so I can see.” Zuko began walking and like their trip back from sparring, Sokka walked close enough to occasionally brush against Zuko’s arm. Zuko knew he could make the fire bigger so they didn’t have to be so close, but it might attract attention. That’s what he told himself, anyway. 

The balloon didn’t quite look like a warship, all crumpled on the ground, with only the metal frame giving it any kind of shape. The balloon was made to be kept in a hangar with plenty of benders and other workers to hold it upright so it could capture heat. He was lucky last time he flew it. He stole it when it was already set up. This time was going to be a bit harder. He led Sokka over the where a hoop kept the entrance to the balloon open. 

“I’m going to have to bend directly into it, until it rises enough to be over the furnace. I’ll have to be careful not to light the material on fire, so when I say so, pull on this,” he pointed to the top of the hoop, “as hard as you can. It will angle the balloon upright and capture heat, which makes it light enough to fly.”

“I know how it works. A friend of mine actually designed these war balloons.” Zuko was surprised. He thought they were designed by the fire nation mechanics, but Sokka said his ‘friend’ designed them, meaning it definitely wasn’t fire nation. Just another piece of stolen technology. He should’ve known better. Instead of replying, he dragged his arms through the air and pushed open palms forward, releasing the coldest flame he was capable of. The material that the balloons were made of were fire resistant, but that didn’t mean that a direct blast wouldn’t set them ablaze. The fire rushing from his hands seemed to dissolve in the air almost as soon as it left his skin. Sokka stared. The usually bright yellow and orange flame took on a red quality, and he was transfixed. He knew that different benders had different color flames, like Zuko’s crazy sister with her blue firebending, but he had never seen such a rich color like the one Zuko was producing. It was the same color as the red that Zuko wore, the same color as the blood that than through his own veins. Sokka had mentioned to Katara once that the fire nation should wear orange since fire was more orange than red, and she had told him that red was scarier and besides, the air nomads wore orange. He remembered saying that air wasn’t even orange and Katara told him to be quiet and go to sleep. 

“Now!” Sokka blinked and returned to the present. He jumped up and grabbed the metal ring, pulling it with every ounce of strength he had. It creaked and moaned under his hands as he strained against it. He could feel the heat inside rush past his legs, see the pale light from the flame to his left as Zuko release more red flame. He couldn’t help but watch it. It looked more like a cloud than a flame. “Sokka, pull!” He redoubled his effort and felt movement. His feet touched the ground more solidly, digging it slightly as the balloon began to sink on the upturned side. “That’s it! Back up. I have to heat it more quickly or the ground will cover the opening.” Sokka ran beside a large pine that he deemed far enough away. Zuko was in a grounded stance, red flame rising from his hands, and as he curled his hands into fists, Sokka watched as the flame turned from the ethereal red to a tight stream of bright orange. The balloon’s skin was stretched tight against the frame as it began to rise higher and higher until it was directly above the furnace and basket, pulling against the wires that kept it attached. 

“It’s safe now. I can control it from the furnace. Let’s go.”


	9. How to let you go and let communication die out

Sokka’s arms were slung over the side of the war balloon. He never would have guessed that he would one day get so used to being higher than the clouds. The fluffy clouds that drifted past his head on an almost daily basis once seemed so far away. Now they were no more than cold, wet pockets of air that he hated flying through. He wondered when he had become accustomed to the unaccustomed. He looked at his flying companion. His right hand was placed delicately behind his back, and his left was drawing intricate patterns in the air before giving life to a spark of flame. Orange. His face was still and Sokka couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same. As a prince, Sokka figured that his idea of ‘unaccustomed’ was different than his own. When did chasing the avatar to all the corners of the world become the norm? When did he lose servants and balls and whatever the hell else royals did? Was he ever not this way? From this angle, Sokka couldn’t see his scar at all. It was almost unnerving. He looked like a whole other person; a pointed jaw, straight regal nose and those golden eyes like liquid flame. The strangest thing was that his unscarred skin was almost beautiful. It was unblemished and even, like the porcelain doll his Grangran had shown him once. He looked like a prince. And then he turned his head, and he was Zuko again, angry and scarred.

“What?” 

“Oh, I didn’t say anything.” 

“Oh. I thought you were about to.” Zuko had felt Sokka’s eyes on him. He wondered if Sokka was planning something. “You know, Uncle says that a look can say more than book, if one only knows how to read eyes rather than words.” Sokka scrunched up his face.

“Oh. Well, I never learned how to read.” Zuko looked at him strangely. “Eyes.” He added quickly. “I n-n-never learned to read eyes. I can read words.” Sokka wished he had never learned to speak. He stared at the clouds again, not wanting to let Zuko read this thoughts through his eyes, or whatever that meant. “Can you ‘read’ eyes?” He tried to keep his voice even. He hoped not, otherwise Zuko would know he was just thinking about how attractive he was. Not that Sokka was attracted. He just wasn’t blind. Now it was his turn to feel a gaze upon him.

“No.” Zuko lied. “I’m not very good with people.” That was the truth. Sokka looked away from the clouds, back at the awkward teenager. 

“Yeah, I noticed. You’re the most intense person I’ve ever met. Everything with you is like the end of the world.”

“I can’t help it. I was raised around some very intense people. The fire lord isn’t exactly all warm and cuddly.” Zuko pictured the kindest thing he ever saw his father do. It was right after Azula was born. She was still just a squealing infant in their mother’s arms, completely unaware of the hateful creature she would morph into. Zuko was watching her with oblivious rapture as his mother sang a lullaby to calm her. He hadn’t even noticed his father enter the room. He came up beside the three of them, an ever imposing presence. He looked at Zuko, then at Azula. He didn’t say anything, but it was clear to Zuko even then as a small child that he was comparing them. Zuko returned his gaze to his perfect baby sister, drifting to sleep in a warm embrace, when he saw it. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as his father gently laid a hand on his mother’s shoulder. That was it. The most kind thing he’d ever seen his father do. This was, of course, before he had her killed. 

“Hey, don’t get me wrong. Intensity isn’t always a bad thing. I’ve met some cool, intense people.” Sokka conjured an image in his mind of Suki and sighed. He wondered where she was. “But it’s all about balance. If you’re a hundred percent intense a hundred percent of the time, there’s nowhere to go but down. You gotta have some wiggle room for when things get real, and intensity is needed.”

“Balance.” Zuko thought about Mai. She was like the opposite end of the intensity spectrum. She was his balance. But he threw that all away when he left. 

“Yeah,” said Sokka, jumping to his feet. “Like when I called your bending ‘dancing’ and you almost shattered my eardrums yelling.” Zuko couldn’t help himself.

“That’s because it’s not dancing!” Sokka rolled his eyes.

“Okay, let’s practice some more normal reactions to that.” Zuko hated this idea.

“I hate this idea.” 

“No come on-here, I’ll be you, you be me. Now say something that I would say.” Zuko watched as Sokka quickly turned his back, and when he pivoted back he had taken out his usual wolf’s tail. His hair was pulled in front of his face in a pale facsimile of Zuko’s own. He frowned deeply and covered his left eye with his hand. Zuko thought he was going to scream, and that was before Sokka even opened his mouth. 

“And I’ll respond like a normal person.” He had lowered his voice and pinched his throat to mimic Zuko’s coarse timbre. In all honesty, if Sokka had done this to anyone else in the group, Zuko might have laughed. But he was doing it to him, so he didn’t.

“This is stupid. We should be planning how we’re going to get your dad out from the middle of the most secure prison in the fire nation, not role playing.” Sokka sighed deeply in what was clearly meant to be a mocking gesture. “Knock it off Sokka.”

“Excuse you, I am the prince of the fire nation.” Sokka continued on in his fake Zuko voice. “How dare you think of me as that water tribe peasant?” 

“I’m not doing this.” 

“Sounds to me like you’re scared.” His own poorly imitated voice mocked him. He looked out at the clouds and considered his options. He was all alone up here, and they still had hours to go until they reached the prison. He didn’t think he could stomach any more award silent stretches. He blasted the furnace once more to top up the balloon during this exercise. Showtime. 

“Scared? Me, the great Sokka?” His voice was flat and exactly the same as it always was. “I am not scared of anything. Except my twelve year old sister. And bat-pigeons. And bathing.” Sokka’s pride overcame his desire to stay in character.

“I am not scared of bat-pigeons! It was dark and I thought it was a hawk!” He shook his head and returned to his fake sullen stance. “Anyway, do you have anything to say to me, water peasant?” Zuko didn’t even blink.

“Yes I do. Oh great fire bender, I am so sorry I disrupt your very important bending training with my nonsense all the time. I think I’m the center of the world and am in constant need of attention!” Once again, this was too much for Sokka’s pride. He used the hand covering his eye to point accusingly at his ‘muse’.

“You’re just mad that I beat your bending with my awesome battle moves!” His normal voice had returned at full volume.

“That wasn’t real! I wasn’t actually bending! And besides I could beat you in hand to hand combat even without my bending!” Zuko was practically screaming. It felt cathartic. Here was no echoes on stone walls, no stares from concerned bystanders, worried that because he was yelling it meant that he was evil again. 

“Bring it on jerkbender!” Zuko hated that. Not because it was insulting but because it was stupid and not funny. He could feel fire rising up in his throat and in a single moment of weakness, he swung. He had been trained in dual swords, advanced fire bending, and multiple styles of martial arts, both with and without various weapons, but he didn’t use any of those skills. Instead he simply threw his fist as hard as he could towards Sokka’s face. It was almost comical, Sokka’s eyes widening at the encroaching fist, his face twisted into regret and fear as he pulled his head back as fast as he could. Zuko’s fist continued past Sokka’s face in a half arc, but only brushed the very tip of his nose before coming to a halt mere inches away from the metal plating of the furnace. He was grateful to have missed. He hadn’t even completed the punch before he regretted his actions. That didn’t stop Sokka from retaliating however. He launched forward with his own punch. It was off balance and in very poor form, both his hands were too high, bunched up in front of his face. Zuko had an eternity to decide what to do in the time it took Sokka to actually throw his hand towards his face. He could tell from the look in Sokka’s eyes that he wasn’t going to pull the hit like last time. That was fair.

It was a move Uncle had taught him. Or rather used against him when Zuko was having a nightmare and swung out in confusion as Iroh woke him up. In an instant, Zuko had reached out, parallel grip on both of Sokka’s fists. He took one look in his eyes, the same color as the sky, and pulled his arms open as wide as he could. He felt like he was taking flight, as the sky colored eyes rushed closer. Closer and closer until they came to rest, his chest pressed directly against the other boy’s. They stood like that, face to face, arms pulled out to either side for longer than Zuko had expected. Sokka was glaring at him, still breathing heavy from the adrenaline of the punch he had dodged. His fists were still in the vice like grip, but all he could think about was how warm Zuko’s own hands were. Of course fire benders would run hot. He couldn’t help but think how useful that would be in the South Pole, on the really cold nights when everyone would pair off to conserve body heat. Zuko’s warm, dry skin would be like lying next to a fire. 

Zuko was calm, calmer than he had been the whole trip. He was lost somewhere in the sky, so far above the world he couldn’t see the ground through the clouds. Sokka hadn’t tried to pull away yet, so Zuko let go, feeling suddenly exposed to be so close. He felt Sokka’s hands slip from his own and fall silently at his sides. He did not step away. His loose hair framed his face, and Zuko couldn’t step away either.

“What are you doing?” Zuko asked. Sokka tilted his head slightly.

“Reading.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw thanks to everyone who is reading. this is my first fic and i was really nervous to post it and i hope everyone is liking it


	10. I know, you know, we know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is another of the "we watched it happen" scenes. sorry

The uncomfortable silence that followed was like a third person in the ship. Zuko had shoved Sokka away from him and Sokka didn’t put up a fight. He refused to look at him anymore. Zuko didn’t know what Sokka thought he saw in his eyes, but he didn’t want to give him any more time to interpret nothing into something. Sokka had taken his original position at the front of the airship, arms slung casually over the side, staring at the passing clouds. The sun had started to set and Zuko knew they were getting close to the prison. Less than an hour left maybe. He could last another hour in silence.

“So. Thank you. I guess.” Sokka clearly couldn’t.

“For what?” another blast in the furnace.

“For coming along. Letting me use your war balloon to rescue my father.” Zuko merely shrugged in response, still refusing to meet Sokka’s gaze. “I don’t have a lot of family left. I mean, Katara of course, but she’s by my side every day. My dad left when I was a kid, and for the longest time it was just me and her. And my Grangran. I miss her a lot too. It was hard to leave home.” Zuko cocked his head to the side.

“It wasn’t very hard for me.” 

“Really? You didn’t leave anybody you cared about behind?” Zuko pictured delicate hands wrapped around razor sharp daggers.

“Well, I did have a girlfriend: Mai.” He saw Sokka jump up out of the corner of his eye.

“The gloomy girl who sighs a lot?” Zuko smiled. 

“Yeah. Everyone in the fire nation thinks I’m a traitor. I couldn’t drag her into it. Besides, I don’t think we were meant to be.” Zuko had spent hours trying to figure out why. He had looked at every facet of their relationship until he decided that Mai was perfect for him, and if he couldn’t fall in love with her, then he probably couldn’t fall in love. Maybe it was for the best. It was his destiny to help the avatar change the world. He didn’t have time for love. 

“My first girlfriend turned into the moon.” Zuko looked over for the first time since the incident. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. 

“That’s rough, buddy.” Sokka looked at him and Zuko quickly returned his attention to the furnace. He tended the flame, listening to the wind rush past his ears, and eventually some loud snoring made him look over. They were almost there, minutes away and he should be keeping an eye out but he didn’t often see Sokka not in some manner of spastic expression. His face was slack and Zuko studied it. It was more square than his own, and his skin was a much richer shade. He had long dark eyelashes, and when he wasn’t screwing up in face into some contorted persona, he could pass as beautiful. He reminded Zuko of a painting he had seen once. His father overseen the destruction of water tribe relics that were obtained in a raid of the earth kingdom. They were gifts to the earth kingdom from the ancient southern water tribe, and were finally found by soldiers and brought back to the palace. He had brought Zuko and Azula to watch. Zuko had thought it a shame that art should be destroyed, even water tribe art, but he would never dare to say as much. Servants were bringing in pots and carvings and on the top of the pile was a painting, probably of an old tribe leader. He had the same warm skin and icy blue eyes. Zuko was struck by the contrast and he memorized it as it burned. 

He pulled his eyes away and returned to his post. It couldn’t have been two minutes before he saw the low clouds surrounding the volcano. It was as imposing a sight as he could have conjured up in his imagination. The steep rocky sides of the volcano threatened landslides of sharp, volcanic obsidian. The boiling lake he knew lay just beyond the cliff face, and sat in the middle was a prison of the highest regard, swirling with vicious rumor and, most terrifyingly of all, a commendation from the fire lord himself. 

“There it is.” Sokka awoke with a confused start. “There’s plenty of steam to keep us covered. As long as we’re quiet, we should be able to navigate through it without being caught.” Zuko released a blast of fire into the furnace to bring the balloon up and over the edge of the black glass fortress. It crested the peak of the wall and suddenly began to drop. Zuko blasted fire into the furnace, one burst after another. “We’re going down.” In an act of desperation, he began tossing fire plumes directing into the balloon. 

“The air outside is just as hot as the air inside. So we can’t fly!” Sokka could feel sweat already pouring down his face as the ship began to lurch side to side. He gripped the railing just in time to stop himself from being thrown against Zuko.

“So what are we supposed to do?” Zuko’s eyes were wide and his voice strained, not wanting to yell and draw attention, but still carrying the tension of his panic. 

“I don’t know.” Sokka admitted. “Crash landing?” Sokka had always been a big fan of plans, and things went exactly according to his newest plan. The balloon bounced off of the surface of the lake, sending boiling water directly onto his arm. He had to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from screaming and alerting the guards. The balloon skidded across the water like a carefully thrown stone until it caught on the edge of the island, launching Zuko and Sokka nearly twenty feet. Sokka spit out his second mouthful of dirt of the day, and Zuko reached a hand up to hold his bludgeoned head, but the noise of the last remnants of air escaping the balloon drew his attention. The ship was now no more than a twisted pile of metal poking through torn fabric. 

“How are we going to get off the island if the balloon won’t work?” Zuko whispered. He did not want to stay here any longer than he had to. This place was a pit of despair and pain, and it made him uneasy. Especially since this is probably where he would have ended up if he hadn’t made it out on the day of black sun. 

“We’ll figure something out. I suspected this might be a one way ticket.” Zuko couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“You knew this would happen and you wanted to come anyway?” Sokka didn’t even bother to stop what he was doing as he answered. 

“My dad might be here. I had to come and see.” He began folding the thick red material of the balloon over some of the broken wire frame. Zuko was dumbstruck.

“Uncle always said I never thought things through. But this?” He ran his hands through his hair, and tried as hard as possible to keep from yelling. “This is just crazy!” Sokka turned, still holding an armful of balloon. He was somber and beads of sweat were running down his cheeks. Zuko noticed for the first time just how oppressively hot it was. Even in the fire nation, days this hot were few and far between. 

“Hey, I never wanted you to come along in the first place.” He threw the material over the frame. “But my plans haven’t exactly worked. So this time I’m playing it by ear.” He declared defiantly. “So there!” With a heave, the pushed on the balloon, only to be painfully reminded that metal is an excellent conductor of heat. He flapped his hands around for a moment before bracing himself and kicking the balloon into the water. It moaned gently as it sunk below the cloudy surface.

“What are you doing?” It was silly, but Zuko stole that balloon fair and square, and he was sad to see it go.

“It doesn’t work anyway, and we don’t want anyone to find it.” Zuko breathed in the sulfurous air and felt it tear through his lungs. 

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” They stood alone on the rocky beach, staring at the water where the balloon was laid to rest. He hoped they would not be joining it before this was over.


	11. You weren't down for forever and it's fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i'm posting two chapters today because chapter 10 is boring

Zuko rolled his eyes at the crunching. Sokka was a good hunter, adept at snow hunting and treading silently in the frozen tundra terrain. However, it seemed that his skills did not translate to the porous volcanic stone. Zuko whipped his head around. There were two long trails behind each of Sokka’s feet, like someone had been dragging him.

“What are you doing, trying to wake up the whole prison?” 

“I’m sorry I’m not used to walking on such noisy terrain!” Sokka retorted. Zuko sighed. 

“Pick your feet up more, don’t drag them. When you put your foot down, step with the outside first, and roll it down.” Zuko took a few steps forward to demonstrate and watched as Sokka attempted it. He looked much more unsure but was already half as loud as he was. Satisfied, Zuko continued searching the walls, looking for an entrance into the prison. He figured that the roof probably had an access in the form of an exhaust vent, otherwise the prison would boil over like an unwatched pot. He studied the wall, plotting out handholds along the coarse stone, and felt a gratitude to the architect for using brick and mortar. He rolled his shoulders out and leapt up to a brick with a large overhang. The sharp pumice surface dug into his fingertips as he scanned the wall for the handhold he had spotted before. It was a reach, and every time he shifted his weight, he could feel the blood drawing closer to the surface of his fingers where they met the wall. At one point his body protested; his hand twitched, causing him to swing out towards the left. He looked down and saw Sokka a few feet below him on the wall. He wore the same pained expression as Zuko, flinching with each motion. Zuko regained his composure and finished the climb. He surveyed the roof. It was a multilevel building, so this was merely a platform that extended ten feet in each direction with a bar hatch right in the middle. He knelt down to examine it and heard a grunt behind him as Sokka clambered over the ledge onto the landing. It was not a hatch, but rather a grate cemented into the ceiling of the room below to let in light and air with a sliding piece of metal designed to be closed in case of rain. It was open now and Zuko could see into what looked like a storage closet. 

“This won’t work. It’s set in concrete. We’ll have to find another way in.” Zuko already began looking for a way up the next wall when Sokka told him to wait. He crawled up to the grate and examined it for a moment.

“It’s not actually. Look here, it’s a thin coating over the edges. It’s an easy way to waterproof because it doesn’t rot like rubber. I learned that from Teo. His dad had a hard time with rubber rot in the fire nation because of the heat.” He reached around his back, grabbed his boomerang, and began rapping on the edge in short, sharp taps. Zuko watched in amazement as fractures appeared everywhere Sokka hit, breaking off in large flakes to reveal the metal insert. With a heave from the both of them, the grate scraped out of the roof, leaving a hole large enough for them to slip through. 

Zuko went first, immediately pressing an ear to the door to make sure they weren’t heard as Sokka dropped down. They couldn’t have landed in a better place, it was a storage closet for extra guard uniforms. Zuko rubbed the material between his fingers and Sokka smiled at their good fortune. He rummaged through the stacks until he found two that looked like they would fit, and tossed one to Zuko. It hit him in the face and he scowled. That was until he realized Sokka already had his pants off. In a strange way, Zuko felt exposed. He fixed his eyes on the ground and quickly removed his own clothes.

Sokka pulled on the rough canvas pants. The whole place had a rotten sulfurous metal stink to it, and the clothes were no exception. They were thick and stiff and not breathable at all. How the fire nation could make such stifling clothes was beyond him. He removed his shirt and picked up the guard uniform. It was a long tunic, with multiple layers of the same heavy material. He turned towards Zuko to make some snide comment about fire nation fashion and utility, but Zuko’s face was currently covered by his own shirt, arms stretched above his head, muscles straining under his pale skin. He swallowed, suddenly feeling like his mouth was too dry. All the men in the village had left when Sokka was very young, and he had never been around someone of his own age. It would make sense that Zuko was fit, all the firebending training he did, and with his face covered, Sokka realized that he wasn’t opposed to the sight. He quickly averted his eyes and stifled whatever comment he was about to make. He pulled on his own tunic and began searching for a good place to hide their clothes. 

“You can’t keep the boomerang on you. If the guards find it, they’ll know something is up.” Sokka did not want to leave boomerang behind but he knew Zuko was probably right. He balled it up, along with his arm wrappings and bright blue tunic, and stashed it at the bottom of a crate of other red uniforms. They picked up their helmets and gave each other one last look before donning the pointed metal contraptions. The door creaked quietly as Zuko opened it, and then again as he quickly closed it behind them. 

“I hope these disguises work.” Zuko was concerned about their faces. The helmets only covered the top portion, meaning their beardless, teenaged chins were on display. 

“We just need to lay low and find my dad as soon as possible.” Easier said than done, as no sooner than Sokka finished his sentence than a dozen guards ran past the hallway in which they were standing. They pressed themselves against the wall, hoping to go unnoticed.

“Guards! There’s a scuffle in the yard. Come on!” The nameless man shouted, turning again to resume course to the yard. Sokka and Zuko shared a look and followed the hoard. They passed through a door into an enclosed yard, in which a hundred prisoners were stood in a ring around a prisoner and a guard shouting something. They fell into line with the other guards, creating a barrier between this spectacle and the rest of the prisoners. 

“Stop right there Chit Sang.” Suddenly, a long whip of bright fire snapped along the ground. Sokka flinched involuntarily and wanted to look away. He didn’t want to have to remember whatever was about to happen, have it haunt him in his nightmares like so many other things. Instead, he clenched his jaw and stared ahead, eyes unfocused, trying not to see when he noticed movement from Zuko. He was stepping forward almost imperceptibly, but Sokka quickly grabbed his arm. It was hard to see Zuko’s expression under the helmet, but his eyes were still visible. 

“We can’t.” Sokka mouthed to him. His hand was still wrapped around Zuko’s arm, and he could feel his heartbeat in his fingertips. Sokka didn’t realize before that Zuko might try to stop something like this. He knew he had changed or whatever, but it hadn’t really settled in his brain quite yet. Zuko took a step back into place, and Sokka released his grip, his hand feeling suddenly cold in the air. The guard and the prisoner were still exchanging heated words, and Sokka realized too late that he wasn’t listening to the conversation.

“---did. Isn’t that cute?” Sokka was frozen. The man looked at the prisoner, and registered Sokka’s silence a moment later. He lifted the eye shield on his helmet to reveal an angry middle aged face. He scrutinized Sokka, and Sokka desperately tried to process the words he said to find an acceptable answer. 

“Uh, very cute sir.” Zuko’s voice offered some idea of what he should be saying. _Wait, they’re arguing about how cute the prisoner is? _Sokka wondered what the hell he just missed.__

__“Super cute.” He offered, which seemed to satisfy the man. He turned back to the prisoner and Sokka let out a sigh of relief. He was going to have to pay closer attention, or he could get into trouble. Nothing new there though. He had recalled more than a few times that his attention would stray during lessons, or lectures, or even conversations that he was actively participating in and it would cause him issues. He thought particularly of the time he let his mind wander when Katara was trying to get dinner prepared. He had been conscripted into her service, as the first person to walk within shouting range of the fire. She wanted him to grab the kelp wraps she left in their hut. He began walking back to the hut when he spied tiger-seal tracks. They hadn’t had any meat in a week because of the blizzard and he felt compelled to follow it. He ended up dragging the animal back to camp an hour later, a victorious smile on his face only to be vaporized by Katara’s glare over the burnt sea prunes. He had completely forgotten that he was on a mission to return with kelp wraps, not a tiger-seal. Suddenly, a flash of flame and a wave of heat brought him back to the present. He had been so distracted remembering to stay focused that he missed why there was firebending going on. Maybe the prisoner said the guard wasn’t cute? For the life of him, he could not piece together what was happening._ _

__“Firebending is prohibited. You’re going in the cooler.” He pointed a stubby finger at Sokka. “You! Help me take him in.” Sokka whispered a meetup plan as quietly as he could and took off towards the prisoner, leaving Zuko there alone. Zuko cursed under his breath. They were supposed to be looking for Sokka’s father so they could get out of there, not helping torture the inhabitants. He watched as prisoners and guards alike began to disperse now that the show was over. He didn’t want to get caught looking lost, so he followed the red uniforms back into the interior labyrinth. A couple guards broke off, chatting noisily about the fight interrupting their dinner and that Chit Sang was probably going to freeze to death before the warden let him out. Zuko felt his throat tighten at the implications as they entered into a mess hall. He stared longingly at the food until he noticed that everyone else was taking their helmets off. He paused for a moment and decided that if he continued standing there doing nothing, he was going to draw attention. The metal plate was warm in his hand, like everything else in the boiling rock. He put a few buns onto his plate when it heard it._ _

__“Hey new guy.” That was probably him. He turned to see the guards he followed sitting relaxed at one of the tables. “I know it’s the rule to have you helmet on at all times, but this is the lounge. Relax!” The other guards nodded in agreement. Zuko let out a sigh of relief. They didn’t recognize him but it wasn’t raising alarm. They had unwittingly created his backstory for him._ _

__“But what if there’s an incident? If I’m not prepared, someone could strike me on the head.” He channeled his youth. He had said something similar to a soldier during a sparring session years ago. The two men on the mat next to him weren’t wearing any sort of protective gear, and he asked them why not. They had laughed in response and it was a week before Zuko dared to enter the sparring gym again, and the last time he wore protective gear. The guards laughed, but this time Zuko was secretly in on the joke, playing up his naiveté._ _

__“Give it a week, he’ll loosen up.” The long haired guard took a sip from her drink, and maintained a relaxed posture as he took a seat._ _

__“Can the new guy ask you veterans a few questions about the prison?” Zuko knew just how to stroke their egos._ _

__“No, you can’t date the female guards.”_ _

__“Trust me,” the guard with the grey eyes whispered loudly, “you don’t want to.” A tin cup bounced noisily off his temple, and he side eyed his assaulter as his friend laughed._ _

__“No, that’s not it.” Definitely not. “The Boiling Rock. It holds the fire nation’s most dangerous criminals, right?” The guards nodded synchronously, suddenly somber at the reminder that they were surrounded on all sides by dangerous outlaws. Zuko had been feeling an itch at the back of his mind since they arrived. He had been keeping an eye out for blue eyes, surveying every face he walked passed, and with every failure, the itch grew. He could hear Sokka asking him where his dad was and his own reply that he was here. “What about war prisoners?” But what if he was wrong?_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the record, Zuko's 'walking quietly' advice is real. so if you want to sneak around, now you have an advantage. also technically that is a way to set a grate, but very unlikely, so if you're trying to break in somewhere, i would suggest not going for the grates. It would have to be of very poor construction to actually be like that


	12. We weren't made for each other and it's fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i just want to say thank you so much to anyone who's reading! I am so grateful and pleased that people are liking my story and I hope I can continue to keep you all interested! double thanks to everyone who has left comments and/or kudos

“So who is she?” The closet was stuffy. The vent door had to be closed when they left to conceal the fact that the two of them had ripped the grate out of the ceiling. They had since reopened it, but the still air offered little relief. 

“She’s one of the Kyoshi Warriors. From Kyoshi Island. They were created by Avatar Kyoshi.”

“Stop saying Kyoshi.”

“She’s super talented, and dangerous, and smart and kind. She let me train with them in the days before you burned down her village.” Zuko’s shoulders slumped. 

“Oh.” Sokka continued, unaware that he had just caused a wave of guilt to crash over Zuko.

“I’m so glad to see she’s okay. The last we heard of the Kyoshi Warriors, they were in the earth kingdom, but it turn out that it was your sister. And your girlfriend. And the really bendy pink girl.”

“Ty Lee. And Mai isn’t my girlfriend anymore.” Zuko’s voice was harsher than he expected. Sokka thought that was strange thing to fixate on when he was talking about Zuko burning a village and his sister infiltrating an ‘unsinkable’ city and killing Aang. 

“Uh, okay. Sorry. Your sister and you ex-girlfriend.” Zuko kept his eyes down and Sokka knew that if he could just get a look, he might be able to see a lot more than just the pools of gold. “But anyway,” Sokka continued “She is highly trained and we’re taking her with us when we leave.” Zuko furrowed his eyebrows.

“Speaking of, we still don’t have a plan yet. We could get onto the beach from here but there’s a boiling lake between us and the ocean, and then there’s an ocean between us and the temple.” 

“I know. That’s not exactly something I’m about to forget, Zuko.” The way Sokka said his name made him feel like he was getting scolded and he grimaced. “First things first, I need to contact Suki.” When Sokka said her name, Zuko could feel the adoration and again he grimaced. “She doesn’t even know I’m here to rescue her yet. Once she does, she can help us brainstorm a way out of here. She’s been here the longest and might have some insight we don’t.” 

“We have to wait till the guard changes. The current ones are starting to recognize us and it would be better to have people who won’t question us as much. If we get caught doing something we’re not supposed to we’ll just say we’re new. Until then, we should lay low.” Sokka agreed. Aside from his powernap on the balloon, it had been close to 24 hours since he last slept. He sank down onto a pile of guard uniforms and closed his eyes. He could hear echoes of various people throughout the building and wondered why his dad wasn’t here. Why none of the people from the invasion were. He pictured his friends and family on their knees in front of the fire lord. Sokka didn’t know what he looked like so his face was blank, but he was 7 feet tall, and his hands were made of fire. He looked, not with eyes, but with ashen judgement upon the water tribe, and the benders from the swamp, and everyone he told to risk their lives by invading on the day of black sun. He begged the fire lord for mercy but the fire lord just laughed, hollow and terrible. He was going to kill them all. He was going to kill them all! 

“Sokka! Stop! It’s me. You’re safe.” Sokka opened his eyes as wide as he could and tried to focus on the figure in front of him. It was the fire lord! _Wait _His brain looked again. This wasn’t the fire lord. It was Zuko. And he was in prison. Well, in the prison disguised as a guard. Sokka blearily rubbed a fist against his eyes. “You were having a nightmare.” Zuko’s hands were holding his shoulders tightly, and the sensation grounded him. He was still laying on the pile of uniforms, and Zuko was knelt in front of him. He sighed deeply. He knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed but he couldn’t help himself. He was a warrior, no longer a child. He had to shave once a month to keep his thick luxurious moustache from growing in.__

__“It was about my dad.” He looked at Zuko. “And yours.” Sokka grunted in frustration, shaking off Zuko’s grip and putting his head in his hands._ _

__“It’s okay.” Zuko tried to reassure him._ _

__“No it’s not. I’m not a little kid anymore. I shouldn’t be having nightmare about monsters in the dark.” Zuko looked surprised._ _

__“My father isn’t a monster in the dark. He’s a monster in the light. In the real world. This isn’t like being scared of a three eyed purple snake living in the rafters of your bed. My father has killed,” Zuko thought of his mother “stolen,” he thought of the relics being burned at the palace, “maimed.” Zuko thought of himself. Sokka was examining Zuko’s face and once again, he felt exposed, like a raw nerve. He watched Sokka’s eyes come to rest on his scar, and a look came across his face, like he was trying to put together the pieces of a puzzle without knowing what the picture was supposed to be. “You have every right to be afraid. There’s no shame in being afraid of my father.” Sokka rolled his eyes._ _

__“I know, but I just wish I didn’t have to wake up screaming like a little goose-chicken.” Zuko slumped back against the closet door. It was pretty tight quarters and their legs were resting against each other for a lack of space._ _

__“I have nightmares too.” Sky blue eyes stared back at him. “About him. And about a lot of things. Almost every night. I’m careful not to fall asleep in front of anybody, because I know I’ll probably wake up screaming like a goose-chicken too.” He scoffed a humorless laugh._ _

__“I didn’t mean that you—“ Sokka started._ _

__“I know. I can’t even tell you how many times I called myself that too. I felt so much shame in not being a pillar of strength and composure like my sister. I can’t even remember how many times I woke up to my Uncle shaking me, calling my name and telling me I was safe.” Sokka was trying not to show how surprised he was. He didn’t want Zuko to feel bad, and he was kicking himself for saying that he was a goose-chicken for having nightmares when Zuko also had them._ _

__“I didn’t mean what I said. I just grew up as the only guy in the whole South Pole so I felt like I had to be, like, the manliest guy. To make up for the fact that I was a nine year old kid who missed his mom. I wasn’t old enough to go to war and I felt guilty about that for a long time. I know it’s silly but, I guess I was just trying to put on a brave face. Be the big strong man that was missing.” Zuko was falling into Sokka’s eyes, and he felt electric where his leg was pressed to Sokka’s. He wasn’t quite sure what to say, so instead he stared straight ahead, and allowed himself to be read._ _


	13. I tried to imagine your reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i'm not going to be posting for like the next 2-3 days because i have to drive 1500miles in the next two days. I'll try to get some stuff done but be prepared to not get an update till monday at least

Zuko shot a look towards the door. If the slamming noise and grunt of pain was any indication, the reunion was not going as Sokka had planned. What else was new? He surveyed the area, scant with people. The night shift had much less cause for alarm, the prisoners were locked in their cells till morning, meaning it was just a skeleton crew. More of a formality than anything else honestly. He looked about lazily, feeling his eyelids droop. He wasn’t lying when he said he tried to avoid falling asleep in front of anyone and it had been over a day since he had gotten any real sleep. Probably closer to two in all reality. He wondered if he could sleep standing up when he saw the long haired guard from earlier climb the steps. He racked his brain; he could have sworn she should be off duty right now. He knocked surreptitiously on the door and pretended not to notice her as she approached.

“Excuse me, I need to get into that cell.”

“No, you can’t go in there.” He groaned internally. That was going to raise suspicion. He mentally reminded himself that he was an overly cautious greenie that loved rules. “The lights are out. The prisoner could sneak up on you.” She narrowed her eyes.

“Step aside fool.” She laid a casual hand on his shoulder, and he panicked. If she walked in there now, she would see Sokka in whatever compromising position he had gotten himself into, which right now, could be something as small as being in a prisoner’s cell without just cause. Which. He was. So he did the only thing he could think of, on no sleep and plenty of adrenaline. He grabbed her arm and twisted it unnaturally behind her back, forcing her against the wall. 

“Hey, hey what are you doing?!” she snarled into the metal and pulled back against his grip, forcing him into the same position he had just used against her. He stepped a leg in between her own and pushed as hard as he could against her forearm. She bent backwards, trying to relieve some of the painful pressure in her shoulder. Her free arm came around and pushed against his face, straining his neck.

“Guard, help! I think he’s an imposter. Get him off me and arrest him!” Zuko bet a glance to where she was yelling, hoping that this wouldn’t give her a wining spot in the fight. He squinted, fat lot of good one eye in a dimly lit hall did him. He tightened his grip and called upon any power that was listening that this unknown guard was Sokka. The guard approached slowly. Zuko felt a surge of hope. The guard grabbed his arm and violently threw him to the ground twisting it behind his back. The hope was gone.

“You’re under arrest.” The voice was young and definitely Sokka’s. Zuko felt like he had whiplash and not just from the being thrown to the ground. The guard twisted his arm behind his back, rendering him powerless, but not hard enough to be in pain. Slowly, he was brought to his feet.

“Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.” Sokka assured the guard, as she rubber her shoulder. Zuko felt a twinge of guilt, but knew that the hold he had used would not cause her shoulder permanent damage. Soreness? Yeah, probably for the next few days, if not more. He walked clumsily. Being thrown to the ground after going without sleep for two days could mess with a person’s balance. The guard, Sokka he reminded himself, shoved him into a room with a single chair. Not a cell. An interrogation room. He felt like his blood had been turned to ice as Sokka pushed him into the chair, under the single lit lantern. The long haired guard spoke.

“I’ll fetch the warden.” Sokka put his left wrist in a metal bind.

“Good idea.” She approached.

“First, let’s see the face of this traitor.” Before Zuko or Sokka could process what was happening, the guard had lifted his helmet off his face, revealing a very distinguishing mark. She gasped loudly, clearly not expecting the prince of the fire nation.

“Agni blessed.” She whispered under her breathe, almost like a prayer. She turned on her heel and ran from the room to fetch the warden, leaving Sokka and Zuko alone.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know what else to do. Why did you attack her?” Sokka whispered, but his enunciation was that of someone yelling.

“She was going to go into the cell. That would have incriminated us both.” Zuko was trying hard to keep his breath steady, to not let his fear show through. He had made it out of the fire nation on the day of black sun, convinced Aang to take him on as a firebending teacher, and still ended up in chains in the most feared and secure prison in the whole of the fire nation. He really had a proclivity for making sure the worst possible thing that could happen, happened. 

“Well, don’t worry. Suki and I will come up with a plan. She’s really smart.” Zuko gritted his teeth.

“No offense, Sokka, but I don’t really want to hear about how awesome your girlfriend is right now.”

“She’s technically not my girlfriend. Yet.” Zuko snarled. 

“Sokka! Get me out of here!” The sound of footsteps in the hallway sent a shiver down Zuko’s spine. He let out a hard breath, and felt Sokka’s hand grab his bicep. 

“I will. I promise.” Zuko’s thoughts raced. How would his Uncle have to find out he died? Would he think of Lu Ten? He thought of Toph. If he died, he was going to be in big trouble with her. Who was going to teach Aang firebending? He still had a lot of training he needed to complete before he was going to be ready to defeat Ozai. Would the warden even bother alerting the firelord he had captured his son? Or was the standing order to kill him on sight? Sokka’s eyes were hard to see through the shield of the helmet. How would he tell everyone? Would he gather them all around the fire at the temple and tell everyone that he had finally managed to get rid of Zuko once and for all? He could make out the panic on Sokka’s face. _No _he thought. There would be no celebration from the gang. It gave him comfort to realize that he might be missed. The footsteps were getting closer, and Sokka took one last look in his eyes before taking his post beside the door. Zuko wondered if that flash of blue was going to be the last he ever saw of the sky.__


	14. It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i'm back with a short impression of what it looks like when two fictional cartoon characters from the aughts take over my life

It hadn’t been as bad as he thought. The warden hated him of course. And he was Mai’s uncle, which was a twist even Zuko hadn’t thought of. So on top of being a traitor to the fire nation, he was also the dumb kid who broke his niece’s heart. Everything really was coming up Zuko. But he hadn’t been tortured or killed. As a matter of fact, they let him out of the chair even before the warden came into the room, and after their little chat, he was free to exist as just a regular prisoner. 

Not wanting to draw any attention to himself, he grabbed a mop during free time and began swabbing the disgusting floor. He tried to keep his face hidden under his hair. Not many people would recognize him by his scar, but the one guard had, and all he needed was some prisoner who hadn’t heard he was a fire nation traitor, to recognize him and think that he and his father were close enough to beating up the same person. He wasn’t sure how the royal family handled his scar when he returned. The people who knew about it murmured things about a training accident, and since he was supposed to be this incompetent previously banished prince, he assumed that people accepted that without hesitation. It almost surprised him how many people he came across that didn’t even know he had a scar. It made him realize that his father probably didn’t even bother to mention his absence for the past few years. One day, he was just gone and one day he was just back, with a large red burn across his face and a dead avatar. He wondered if people thought Aang did that to him. That was an almost laughable thought. 

“Is this mop taken?” He didn’t even bother to look up.

“Help yourself.” Lost in thought he continued the mindless back and forth motion, strangely transfixed by the dirty water streaks left behind by the mop. Was this just making it worse? This place would be more clean if it was literally just a pile of dirt. 

“Oh good, you guys have met.” It was Sokka’s voice. A wave of relief crashed over Zuko.

“Actually we met a long time ago. You burned down my village.” So this must be Suki.

“Oh. Sorry about that.” He remembered that Sokka really liked this girl, he should be polite if she’s going to help them get out of this prison. “Nice to see you again.” They ducked down behind the stairwell and listened to Sokka’s plan. He detailed how they were going to use the cooler as a boat to float across the boiling lake. Zuko hadn’t even considered something like that. He was used to doing things the hard way and just dealing with the consequences. Freezing water and ice surrounding the spirit oasis at the north pole? Simply swim through and be cold. Someone wants to fight you because they are accusing you of being a fire bender? Simply win the fight. There was no brute force solution to a boiling lake, at least not one that he’d thought of so far, and he was grateful that Sokka’s plan involved them slipping away silently without ever having raised an alarm. Except for one problem.

“Yeah, how are you going to get the cooler out?” The voice came from above them, and for a brief moment Zuko clenched his fist, preparing to face some eavesdropping guard, before realizing that it was the prisoner who Sokka took to the cooler on their first day here. He swung down and landed next to the three of them, staring expectantly. 

“What? We didn’t say that!” Sokka insisted.

“Yeah, you heard wrong.” Zuko tried to keep his voice as calm as possible, a tactic that Sokka clearly didn’t choose to employ. The man didn’t even seem to hear their protestations as he continued. Zuko looked him over; he could probably take this guy out in a fight, but he couldn’t use his fire bending without getting in trouble, and when the man threatened to tell the warden, they all realized they had no choice. A collective sigh ran through the three of them as Sokka continued explaining his plan to the now four person group.

“First, we need someone to unbolt the cooler from the inside.” Sokka’s arm was outstretched towards Zuko, and for a minute he wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. It looked like Sokka was trying to initiate one of the water tribe grasps where each person grab the other’s forearm. Zuko had never bothered to learn what that meant, so he wasn’t sure if the context was correct. In a moment of silent confusion, Zuko reached out to return the gesture, fingers buzzing, although he wasn’t sure why. He was almost touching the black leather bracer when he felt it, a warm piece of metal concealed under his wrist. Zuko felt heat rising in his cheeks, and he was glad when nobody seemed to notice his reaction nor the embarrassing misunderstanding. It was a handoff for the tool needed to unbolt the cooler. 

“Oh, I can get you inside.” The man’s creepy smile made Zuko’s skin crawl, but no more than the thought of going into the cooler. He had faced cold before, after all, the North Pole isn’t exactly like an Ember Island summer, but he wasn’t keen on returning to that, especially not in these clothes. The prisoner’s uniforms were strangely more comfortable than the guard’s. They were of a much lighter cotton material, with a wide neck line. His whole collarbone was exposed which was nice in the boiling prison, but the cold from the cooler would seep into his chest in a matter of seconds. “The plan is: firebend.” The three kids stared at Chit Sang for a moment. 

“Oh, is that the whole thing?” Sokka asked after exchanging confused glances with Zuko and Suki. It was technically a plan, but after hearing Sokka outline his in such careful detail, it was kind of a letdown. 

“That’s what got me thrown into the cooler last time. It’ll work like a charm. Just bump into me or something, I’ll beat you up and you can firebend at me.” Zuko’s eyes widened. 

“Um, is there a plan that doesn’t involve beating me up?” His eyes shifted nervously to Sokka.

“Don’t worry pretty boy,” There was a small snort from either Sokka or Suki, Zuko couldn’t tell. He hoped and prayed that his new nickname would be quickly forgotten. “I won’t mess up your face any more than whoever did that.” He tensed at the mention of his scar, and snarled. He had been ‘such a handsome boy’, grown up hearing about his ‘fine, elegant face” and his golden eyes. That was one of the very few thing he had over Azula, his liquid fire eyes, which gave him the appearance of being lit from within. Azula’s were more bronze, cold and flat like a button pushed into her face. Now his face was marred with his father’s handprint, one of his golden eyes all but shut, buried under the scar tissue. No one called him ‘handsome’ anymore unless they were being sarcastic.

“Let’s go.” Chit Sang rose from his crouched position behind the stairwell and stood in the middle of the floor in perfect visual range of the guards. Zuko resumed his mopping and began moving backwards towards, until he felt his mop hit something. 

“Hey! What are you? Stupid?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know its kind of a short chapter sorry. my brain am not work too good after 21.5 hours of driving on like an hour of sleep


	15. The night we went drinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's unofficial name is "im not gay, i'm jealous" (spoiler alert, its gay)

Over the years, Zuko had learned that it wasn’t terribly hard to get into trouble. As a matter of fact, it seemed to come naturally to him, which was almost nice. Not many things came naturally to him, he had to work for everything, so at least he had one thing going for him. That was what he tried to tell himself as he was thrown into the below freezing cooler. His hands were held behind his back to keep him from firebending, so when he was thrown in unceremoniously, he didn’t have time to break his fall. His face slammed into the metal floor hard, the cold and rough surface scraping across the good side of his face. That hurt, but he knew that landing on his scar would have been much worse. Another lesson he had learned the hard way. The two layered doors closed behind him with a loud metallic clank, and he picked himself up into a sitting position. The wrench was tucked under his clothes, and he reached an already freezing hand behind him, careful not to touch his skin. Cold spread faster than a forest fire in the summer, and he was going to need to be in here for a while. His eyes traced the bolts, counting them quickly as he went along the frame of the door. Forty. That was a much bigger number than he had hoped for. 

‘Breathing is very important, Prince Zuko. It is how a fire bender controls their inner fire. The breath keeps it alive, which can keep you alive.’ He heard his uncle’s voice clearly in his head. It was from one of their meditation sessions. He recalled immediately yelling at his uncle that he knew how to breathe, and that Iroh should just teach him the next sequence of katas. He flinched as he recalled how twisting his face into a scream had pulled at the still healing skin around his eye, and caused him to have to change the bandage. He wished he could tell Iroh that he had changed, that he was listening to him now, even if he didn’t listen then. One day, he reminded himself. Zuko shook his head to clear the thoughts from his mind. Carefully, he slipped the wrench around the lowest bolt, and pushed against the resistance. With a heave, the wrench twisted sharply, and Zuko had to catch himself from falling into the door. One down, thirty nine to go. 

He felt his hands starting to cramp up around bolt twenty three. They were sore from pushing and the wrench was so cold now that the sweat from his hands was causing his skin to stick to the frozen metal. He sat back on his heels and curled into a ball. He felt the cold soaking into his exposed collarbones and tried to conjure the memory of being warm. Breath in. He thought of the hot days at the beach as a child. And the cold glares of Azula as she pushed him under the water. Breath out. He waited for the sensation of warmth, only to realize that it didn’t work. _Fuck _he thought to himself. He realized he must have let himself get too cold and now his breath of fire wasn’t working. He had to reignite his inner fire or he would freeze before ever getting the rest of the bolts off. He closed his eyes. Breath in. The image of his mother came to him, sitting in front of the fire, curled up in a luxurious rabbit-sheep wool blanket. And an image of his father, burning the blanket after finding Zuko curled up in it crying after his mother was gone. Breath out. He was going to freeze. He could feel the cold reaching long fingers around his brain, running frozen along his spine to every inch of his body. Breath in. The thought of the ice water around the north pole. Breath out. The thought of Katara freezing him in a block of ice. Breath in. The thought of Sokka threatening to have Katara freeze him again his first night in the temple. Breath out. A spark. Breath in. The night he made jasmine tea for the group and told them a joke. Well, half a joke. Breath out. He could feel the warmth from the teacup. No, it was his breath. It was working. He thought of Toph calling him sparky and Aang asking him if he ever wore eyeliner. He thought of the coarse fur that covered Appa, and his room at the temple. He thought of Sokka in the doorway and a small red flame erupted from his mouth, warming his chest and his hands. He flexed his fingers a few times; they were still sore and cold, but he needed to continue.__

__The remaining bolts felt like fighting an army. With every unnatural jerk of his wrist, he could feel an ache setting in, even though his hands were all but numb. As much as he was disgruntled to be the one suffering, he couldn’t help but marvel at Sokka’s plan. Zuko wished that they had been able to find his father but he was glad they found Suki. The wrench slipped from the bolt as he allowed his thoughts to land on the Kyoshi warrior. It clattered loudly against the floor and Zuko felt his heart skip a beat. He waited with bated breath to see if anyone heard, and after a minute of silence, he resumed working. The girl seemed nice enough. At the very least, she didn’t skin him alive the second she saw him. He wondered if she was giving him a chance, or was holding back as a favor to Sokka. They made a nice couple he supposed. His fingers stumbled again. This time he caught the wrench before it hit the ground and he grit his teeth, angry that he had dropped it a second time. Suki probably wouldn’t have dropped it. He paused, hand hovering above one of the bolts. He usually reserved jealous thoughts like that for Azula. He squinted at nothing, trying to figure out why he would be jealous of Suki. Sure she was beautiful and smart and dangerous and blah blah blah. Sokka had gone on for far too long about all the wonderful things that Suki was, with that dumb look on his face like she was all he could think about. Zuko’s chest clenched and he continued unbolting. He only had a few more to go. He was dangerous too. He brought whole villages to ruin. And he was smart. He found the avatar when no one else could, and managed to track the group down all across the world. Maybe those were things he shouldn’t brag about as a point in his favor, however. He grimaced. He was everything Suki was, even though most of his skills had only been used against the group so far. He was everything except….except maybe beautiful. He wasn’t ever particularly vain growing up. He had so many other things to worry about, and people always assured him that he was attractive so he was willing to believe them, if just for the sake of his sanity. Now things were different. His scar felt stiff in the cold and it reminded him just how different he looked from the princely visage of the past._ _

__Zuko could barely feel the cold anymore through the swirling cacophony of thoughts, almost all of them about Suki. Why should he be thinking about her? She was everything Sokka said, he was sure, even though he hadn’t yet seen her in action. There was something about the way she moved, like she was a spring pulled back, ready for action at any given moment. Or maybe the way her eyes surveyed the room, analyzing it like she was making a map of exits, and number of people, and things she could use as weapons. And Sokka was right, she was beautiful. Perhaps Zuko was infatuated. Why else should he feel like he took a blow to the stomach every time Sokka said he name? Ache within his chest whenever Sokka mentioned her beauty? He unscrewed the last bolt and sat back on his heels. It didn’t feel quite right, his conclusion about Suki, but what else could it be? Zuko curled back into a ball, this time the removed bolts were in his shirt, as if he was protecting something precious from the elements. He breathed in. Sokka liked Suki. Breath out. Sokka was his friend. Breath in. Sokka placed a warm hand upon his shoulder. Breath out. Sokka’s leg was pressed up against his in a warm closet. Breath in. Sokka was a very warm person. Breath out. That’s why he wished Sokka was here._ _

___Sokka_ _ _

____Sokka couldn’t help but wonder if his plans were too dangerous. After all, he had felt the blast of frigid air like a south pole storm when he threw Chit Sang in the cooler his first day here. He looked around at the other guards in the lounge. Here he was, sitting at a lunch table, drinking tea while Zuko was freezing and committing a dangerous deception right under the guards’ noses. Zuko who had no real stake in this. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. Sokka was supposed to come alone and rescue his dad, who wasn’t even here. And in all honesty, Sokka probably would have been found out his first day. Where did he honestly expect to put Appa? And what would have happened if Zuko hadn’t taken the fall and distracted the guard when he was in Suki’s cell? He hadn’t thought anything through like he usually did, and it would have put him in real trouble had it not been for Zuko. That was a sentence he never thought he would say. He took a sip of his tea. It was vile, watery and bitter from scalded leaves. He thought of the last night at the air temple, when Zuko made them all tea. It was delicious. Even though Sokka never really had a sophisticated palate he could tell it was well made. The thought made Sokka’s throat feel dry. So much had changed in the past few weeks. Aang had a firebending teacher who was their old nemesis, they stopped Sparky Boom Man who was originally set upon them by their ex-nemesis, and they found Suki who’s village was burned by their past nemesis. He mulled the thought of Zuko around in his brain. He was a huge part of their lives, once for the worse, and now for the better. He was seeking good and Sokka wanted to help make sure he found it._ _ _ _

____He glanced at around. It had only been a few minutes since Zuko was in the cooler. He bit his lip. If Zuko was taken out early, the plan wouldn’t work but if left in there too long, he could get really hurt. It was still jarring to realize that he cared about whether or not Zuko was hurt. He had tensed when hearing the plan about Zuko getting beaten up and thrown into the cooler. Chit Sang’s voice rang in his ear._ _ _ _

____‘Don’t worry pretty boy’ Sokka was never going to let him live that down. ‘I won’t mess up your face any more than whoever did that.’ For a long time, Sokka had assumed that his scar was some kind of birthmark, and maybe that was why the firelord banished him. Can’t have a son who would ruin the family portraits, but it was clear once he was up close that it was not a natural mark. The area directly around his eye was the worst, and it got lighter around the edges, like a fire blast. The only thing was that it wasn’t right. The edges were too clean, it couldn’t have been from something so haphazard. It must have been up close and intentional. Sokka couldn’t help but think that he must have gotten it on during his search for the avatar. He must have started his search under the firelord, gotten the damage from someone in his travels, and the firelord banished him for being ‘weak’ enough to get burned. That’s why Zuko was talking about restoring his honor all the time. He grimaced. He felt like he was trying to draw something from someone else’s memory; no matter how good an artist he was, the image would always come out missing something._ _ _ _

____The tea in his hands had grown cold and he wished Zuko was there. He could hand his cup to him, long slender fingers gently brushing against his own, and he could watch as steam began to rise up and around his stern face. Sokka shook his head and blinked. That was a strange thought. Kind of like the one he had in the closet, when Zuko was changing into the itchy guard uniform. He must be jealous. Sokka was very strong, but still not done growing. He was more slender than muscular, and not as tall as he knew he would be one day. Zuko was only a bit older, but just enough to look less like a child than him. And he was a bender. A fire bender, albeit, but still able to control an element with the flick of his wrist. Sokka had boomerang, and his sword. He knew how to fight like a Kyoshi Warrior, and create machines that swam but there was something to be said about bending nature to your will. He rolled his eyes, wishing he was done feeling jealous, but Zuko brought it out in him. His every thought was consumed with the boy who was trying his best and was good with swords just like him, but was also a bender. And was probably stronger than he was. And taller. And had a much cooler voice. He wanted to be angry, to revel in his jealousy, but he couldn’t quite feel it. Why did he feel warmth where none should be? He stared at his tea, wondering why it was colder than him._ _ _ _


	16. Stumbled in the house and didn't make it past the kitchen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you catch the pride and prejudice reference?

He was too exhausted to think or wonder why the thought of Sokka was fueling his breath of fire better than anything else. He thought of Sokka’s hand wrapped around his arm, fingers pressed hard into his skin when he tried to stop the guard from attacking Chit Sang when his back was turned. Zuko thought of how Sokka was close enough to feel his breath against his face and his heartbeat in his own chest when they sparred. Zuko thought of how warm Sokka would feel right now. He would be like touching fire, scalding against his own frozen skin, but instead of burning it would heal. Breath out. The flame was red like the one he had made to fuel the balloon. It was a comforting flame that gave life rather than took it. 

Sokka stared at the door to the cooler. He hoped that Zuko was finished undoing the bolts, and that he was alright. There was no one else in the hallway, so he pulled back hard on the outer door, and then the inner one, releasing a blast that raised goosebumps on his arms. The boy was crouched in the middle of the floor, legs pulled up to his chest and his head down. Sokka’s breath hitched at the sight and he steadied himself before speaking in a loud affected voice. 

“I can take you back to your cell if you’ve learned your lesson.” Zuko’s head lifted slightly at the offer to reveal a small red puff of fire that illuminated his face, bathing it in a strange enchanting glow. Sokka couldn’t have looked away if he tried. 

“Yes,” he smirked “I have. Completely.” He pulled back further to reveal 40 short bolts and a wrench. Sokka broke into a grin. He knew Zuko could pull this off. Checking the hallway again before leaning in close, he pulled his eye guard up onto his helmet and spoke in a low voice.

“I got Suki and Chit Sang out of their cells a few minutes ago. They’ll be waiting for us at the shore.” Sokka straightened his back and couldn’t help the smile on his face. Everything was going according to plan, and it was all thanks to Zuko, who made sure he lived through his ‘screw plans’ phase. He felt hopeful and tried to read Zuko’s expression when he grabbed him by the shoulders. 

“Someone’s coming!” Before he knew what was happening, he was yanked into the cooler and Zuko was pulling the door almost closed behind him. He instantly was cold where the uniform wasn’t covering his skin. How did Zuko manage to stay conscious throughout this? The crack in the door was hopefully too small to be noticed by the guards coming down the hallway. They were talking to each other in a relaxed tone and Sokka couldn’t help listening in. He peered through the space in between the door and suddenly felt pressure on his back. Zuko was pressed up against him, craning his neck to listen in on what the guards were saying as well. Sokka swallowed and didn’t try to move away. He couldn’t feel Zuko burning like he had in the past whenever they’d touched and he felt a stab of guilt that they were still in this cooler. If Zuko was angry, he didn’t show it. His breathing was steady as he turned his good ear to the hallway.

“Yeah, new arrivals coming in at dawn.”

“Anybody interesting?”

“Nah, just the usual. Some robbers, couple of traitors, some war prisoners.” Sokka sucked in a freezing breath at this. He felt Zuko move away and turned to face him. ‘War prisoners’ was the one thing that could disrupt their plans to escape. If Sokka’s dad was going to show up tomorrow, how could they leave now? Zuko pressed his lips into a tight line. He knew what the implications of this were. It could quite literally mean their chances of escape were now or never, especially since the cooler was unbolted already. Unless he wanted to spend another penance session reinstalling the damned things. “Though I did hear there might be a pirate.”

“No fooling!” The voice were farther away now, but neither of them made any motion to leave the cooler. Zuko read the pain across Sokka’s face.

“War prisoners. It could be your father.” Sokka put his head down.

“I know.” Zuko watched helplessly. Sokka’s father was the whole reason they were here, and when he wasn’t, Zuko knew that it killed him inside that they had done something so dangerous and reckless and they couldn’t even accomplish their goal. Zuko was grateful when they found Suki, even if he did still feel a strange ping of jealously at the thought of her. She gave Sokka so much hope, which was something that was in short supply.

“So what are we going to do? Are we going ahead with the plan or are we waiting another night?” The thought of staying another night in this prison made Zuko’s skin crawl. The warden still hated him and made it clear he intended to enact some form of punishment against the traitor prince and heartbreaker. Whether this was to be some form of torture here in the prison or something to do with his father he wasn’t sure, but either way, staying here could mean some serious repercussions for Zuko. 

“I don’t know. Is it right for me to risk Suki’s freedom, all of our freedom on the slim chance that my dad is going to show up?” Sokka turned his head to look at Zuko. Zuko had come to know the boy pretty well, as well as anyone he’d really known and he could tell that everything about him right now was wrong. His shoulders were tense and slumped in defeat, his hands that were normally gesturing wildly to articulate his point were still in his lap and his face was riddled with anguish. Zuko couldn’t help but feel like he was going to be sick when he realized the worst part of all: those mirth filled sky blue eyes were cold and confused. It was a look he had worn himself a hundred times over. He hated the way it distorted such a beautiful face and felt his fear of staying start to melt away. He wanted so much to make sure that he did everything in his power to make sure Sokka never looked that way again. He steadied himself, keeping his voice even and his voice soft.

“It’s your call Sokka.” And Zuko meant it. Sokka hesitated and Zuko could practically see the war raging within his mind. He closed his eyes tight, and grit his teeth, making the muscles in his jaw flex. Zuko’s chest felt tight, watching his friend be forced to make this decision. He wanted to offer some words of encouragement, but even the mental voice of his uncle was failing him now. What was there to say? Nothing. It was clear Sokka knew what he felt was the right choice, but still couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. Zuko cocked his head to the side and lifted a hand to Sokka’s shoulder. It was covered with fire nation plating and Zuko pulled back slightly. His hand hovered awkwardly for a moment, trying to decide where would be the most comforting before deciding on Sokka’s hand. It was an intimate choice, but this was a difficult moment. As he reached towards his friend’s hand, still in his lap, Sokka lifted it to his face pinch the bridge of his nose. Zuko’s own hand kept moving forward and settled on his leg before he knew what was happening. Zuko froze, waiting for Sokka to push him away or call him one of the names he had heard on his ship when the men were trying to insult each other’s masculinity, but he didn’t. He didn’t flinch or pull away. Zuko felt his heart pounding in his chest. Should he remove his hand? Maybe Sokka didn’t even notice yet and when he did, he would think Zuko was creepy? He had decided on gently removing it when Sokka looked up at him and brought his own hand down atop Zuko’s. It was as if all the air in the room had been stolen away when he wasn’t looking. Sokka’s eyes were set; he had made his decision. He nodded ever so slightly and squeezed Zuko’s hand, still placed on his thigh. A thank you of sorts. Zuko returned the nod, even though he felt light headed. He was still trying to focus his eyes when Sokka began to stand. Zuko pulled his hand back to his side and stood as well, flexing his fingers at the sudden absence of his touch. 

Sokka pulled open the door, cautiously checking the hallway for other people. Satisfied that the coast was clear, he stepped out, followed quickly by Zuko. The warm air from the hallway was like hitting wall, as Zuko stepped out of the frozen chamber. He took a long, slow breath, savoring the way the warmth felt in his chest. It was like a hug, he imagined. It had been a long time since he had received one, constantly pulling away from the only ones offered. Mainly from his uncle. Maybe only. The moment did not last long however, as they were already late for the meetup. The two began walking as quickly as they dared to without rising suspicion. Zuko felt himself thawing with each step and was starting to breathe easier when he felt a tight grip on his arm. He turned and saw Sokka gesturing almost imperceptibly to a guard that had their gaze trained on the two. _Right. _A guard and a prisoner taking a casual stroll through the prison was not the most innocuous sight, however, a guard escorting a prisoner was a much more believable one. Not that Zuko minded sensation again. He told himself it was because he was still very cold.__

__Sokka led them through the winding hallways to the closet where they had first landed in the prison. It seemed like a million years ago that they first arrived. He shoved Zuko in and closed the door behind them. It was still just as stuffy as it had been, the closed ceiling vent trapping every bit of heat and moisture in the room. He dug through the crate that held his clothes and boomerang. The flash of soft blue cloth sent a pang through his chest. His father, if he was coming, was going to miss the blue. This place was all dull metal, blacks and reds. Even the sky was a dull grey, constantly spewing sulfuric clouds that wrapped around the whole island. This blue was all Sokka needed to remind him why he was here. He quietly put his clothes back and replaced the crate lid. He turned and stood to see Zuko balanced precariously, reaching up to open the vent. He watched as he climbed through, making it look as easy walking. Sokka had slightly more difficulty, after all, he was a bit shorter than Zuko and had to jump to make it through. He was halfway out, trying to pull himself onto the roof, but this time Zuko reached out and helped him, pulling on his bicep to ease the attempt. They were out of the damned building and Sokka looked to Zuko. He couldn’t ask him to stay, he wasn’t even supposed to be here in the first place and since he’d been here, he’d been beaten up by a guard, fake beaten up by Chit Sang, and exposed to cruel punishment in his stint in the cooler. Not to mention, Sokka’s dad might not even be coming in tomorrow. How could he risk Zuko getting more hurt only to have it blow up in his face again? This time, he was going to do it alone._ _

__The two of them made their way around the prison, stepping quietly the way Zuko had taught Sokka, to the outside of the cooler section. Sokka couldn’t help but notice that the two of them hadn’t said anything since they were in the cooler, and he wondered if Zuko would have made the same decision in his place. Provided he had a dad like Hakoda, and not a dad like the fire lord. When this was all over, Sokka was going to ask about his scar. The more he thought about it, the more afraid he was that he knew the answer. He quickly stole a glance at Zuko’s face, only to find that he was already looking at him. Sokka said nothing and reached up to remove the cooler. With only the two of them, it rolled down the hill with little control. They dug their heels into the coarse stone, until the beach came into view and suddenly Chit Sang and Suki were there to help the descent._ _

__“Took you guys long enough.” Sokka grit his teeth at Chit Sang’s ungrateful tone. “This here’s my girl and my best buddy.” The girl in question was waving gleefully and the other guy was sat on a large boulder at the edge of the lake. “They’re coming too.” There was no question in his voice and Sokka made a pinched face at his audacity._ _

__“Fine. Everybody in the cooler.” They were taking his place so whatever. The cooler came to a halt on the beach, and he turned so it could launch with the current. The two new people jumped in, and Zuko turned to him._ _

__“Okay, get in.” Zuko’s whispered voice barely carried across the still air and Sokka had to look away. He wasn’t quite sure how to tell everybody. “You’re not coming are you?” Good thing Zuko was perceptive._ _

__“If I had just cut my losses at the invasion, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess. I can’t leave without fixing the mistake I made, and I’m done putting you guys in danger.” Suki furrowed her brow at Sokka. “You mean too much to me.” Zuko felt that jealous ache in his chest until he realized that Sokka was speaking to both of them. He wrapped a hand around the back of Sokka’s neck, a common fire nation gesture of solidarity and comfort, and offered a small smile._ _

__“Hey, if you two are done cuddling, can we get a move on?” Chit Sang’s voice splintered through the air and Zuko sheepishly removed his hand. The sweat poured down Zuko’s face as he stared out across the boiling lake. What was there for him, across the water? If he returned to the air temple without Sokka, he would for sure be skewered by an icicle from Katara. And besides, someone had to make sure that Sokka didn’t get himself killed._ _

__“You go. I’m not leaving without you, Sokka.” Zuko had admittedly forgotten Suki was there, and now felt awkward standing there, about to offer the same thing. He didn’t want anyone to think he was copying her. Sokka placed his hand on Suki’s shoulder and she grabbed it, the way he had grabbed Zuko’s in the cooler. Zuko felt glued to the spot, even though he wanted to turn away. Shaking his head, he realized he was letting his jealousy cloud his emotions. He was here for Sokka, and he would stay until Sokka was ready to leave._ _

__“I’m staying too.” Sokka smiled at him, and something pounded in Zuko’s head at the very sight of hopeful blue eyes._ _


	17. How to think about you without it ripping my heart out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i just wanted to say a big thanks again to everyone who is reading and commenting and giving kudos and most importantly enjoying my story. I have been absolutely blown away by the response and want to say that its really been nice to get to share something that i work so hard on and feel appreciated

“This is it.” The gondola was creeping torturously slow towards the platform, and Zuko thought he was going to be sick before the doors even opened. “If my dad’s not here, we risked everything for nothing.” The weight of Sokka’s voice settled in his chest like a stone. 

“We had to.” Suki’s voice was soothing, strong but calm, like a tsungi horn melody. He swallowed hard, imagining the sound of his own voice like a grinding stone. How he wished he could stand where she stood, holding Sokka’s hand in his own as she did, and sing him comforts of a future that may never come. As Sokka’s friend, he felt that it was his job. 

Sokka didn’t even feel the hand in his own. His eyes, his entire being was fixated on the metal doors of the gondola that were keeping him from victory or yet another failure. It slid to the left under the power of a guard and a large tattooed man with a hoop piercing stepped into the sunlight. 

“Is that him?” Sokka furrowed his brow and turned, unwitting pulling his hand from Suki’s grip.

“My dad doesn’t have a nose ring.” Zuko clenched his jaw. Sokka’s incredulous tone made him feel slightly foolish and he felt a small blush creep up his neck. Luckily Sokka had already resumed his search for his father, studying each person that stepped onto the island like if he just looked hard enough, one of them might turn out to be him. One. Two. Three. “Where is he?” Six prisoners in chains, walking in a silent march towards the interior of the prison. And then, nothing. “That’s it? That can’t be it.” It was not anger that twisted his words, but despair, which in Zuko’s opinion, was far worse. 

“I’m sorry Sokka.” The deceptively dangerous little bird sang. Her melody did not seem to quell the disappointment in him, as he hung his head and closed his eyes. Zuko wondered if he should start thinking of how they were going to get off the island when they heard it.

“Hey you. Get off the gondola!” There was nothing in the world, not the fire lord, not Aang, not even a tap dancing dragon in pink chiffon that could have torn their eyes away from the platform. Zuko’s heart began to beat like a drum in his chest as he took in the man; broad and strong, with warm dark skin, and icy blue eyes. He held himself with pride and it was unmistakable that this man and Sokka were related. They shared the same defiant look that challenged anyone who fell under their gaze.

“Dad.” It was more like a feeling than a word that Sokka whispered into the humid, sulfurous air. It brushed against Zuko like a light breeze that clarified the toxins from his lungs, from his chest. This is what they had come for, what they sacrificed their escape for and upon seeing Sokka’s face, it was all worth it. Every second in the cooler, every scrape and bruise and threat were faded memories in the light of his smile. Without warning, Sokka took off running towards the raised platform that held his father. Suki turned to look at Zuko, the two of them now alone, and he suddenly felt a familiar awkwardness. 

“So, I guess we should go back inside and wait for him.” Zuko wondered if a smile was in order. After all, this was a very good thing that just happened. He decided against it, but offered instead a small shrug.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Suki seemed equally uncomfortable but began stealthily creeping towards the wall that sat below the entrance to the guard’s closet. When they arrived, Zuko surveyed the wall once again. He hated the way the bricks scratched the tips of his fingers and twitched his nose at the offensive material. If he could wrap his hand in a strip of cloth, maybe he could reduce some of the annoying friction. He considered tearing off a piece of his shirt when a red blur sped past him, scaling the wall in naught but an instant, landing in a crouched position on the ledge of the roof. No more hesitation plagued Zuko as he climbed the wall with as much speed and grace as he could conjure. He had climbed it before and had no trouble avoiding the trickier spots that slowed him down last time, and managed to make it to Suki with a respectable amount of grace and speed. She raised an eyebrow as he crested the top of the wall.

“Nice one pretty boy.” He clenched his jaw at the stupid nickname. “I can see why Sokka likes you.” Zuko’s face went slack before quickly averting his eyes. She meant as a person and friend. The thought left a strange bittersweet taste on his tongue as he answered.

“And I can see why he likes you.” She rolled her eyes at this, sliding over towards the vents entrance. 

“Everyone likes a hot girl that can kill them in forty one ways. Besides, the way he talks about you, it clear who his favorite is.” Zuko’s eyes widened.

“Stop!” he whispered.

“Oh don’t be so modest--“ She was cut off by Zuko’s hand on her arm, preventing her from opening the vent door. “What are you doing?” Zuko brushed a finger across his lips and pointed at the closet below. Suki wrinkled her brow and leaned down, trying to figure out what Zuko was trying to say. 

“All I’m saying is a medium is too small and a large is too big. Would it kill the fire lord to send us some decently tailored uniforms?” The guard’s voice was rising up faintly through the metal door, and it caused Suki’s breath to hitch. She hadn’t noticed the closet was occupied, and almost just exposed the two of them and their means of escape. 

“Just do what I do. Fold the pants a few times and they fit like a charm.” The voices faded and were replaced by a door slam and silence. Suki let out a lungful of air and looked at Zuko. She didn’t say anything, but nodded ever so slightly before pulling open the sliding door. Zuko followed silently and closed the vent behind him. When he turned to face Suki, she had a grim look on her face. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“With the lockdown, they increased the guard. There’s one at the end of the hallway. We’ll never make it past him.”

“Maybe we should wait here for a bit. See if we can sneak out when they change the shift or something?” Zuko wasn’t a huge fan of being trapped in the closet with this girl, but it seemed as if he didn’t have any choice. Suki nodded and took a position sat up against the door to listen to the hallway and prevent the door from opening unexpectedly. Zuko sat too, taking the same position that Sokka had fallen asleep in, his leg pressed to Suki’s. He grimaced at the touch.

“Oh I’m sorry, do my legs offend you?” Her voice was quiet but her tone was sharp.

“No!” he said quickly. “I’m just not a big fan of physical contact.” Suki raised an eyebrow and then pursed her lips. “What?” he said, suddenly feeling defensive.

“Nothing. It’s just you don’t seem to mind when it’s Sokka.” Zuko scrunched his nose at the implications. 

“Sokka is my friend and I trust him. That’s different.”’

“Okay.”

“In the fire nation it’s normal to be free with touch so long as you are friends.”

“Okay.”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

“I said okay.” She said, putting up her hands in mock surrender. She returned her hands to her lap and stared at them, a strange expression on her face. “It seems like Sokka doesn’t mind either.” Zuko tried to get a good look in her eyes. What the hell was she saying? “I saw the way he smiled when you grabbed his neck. I thought you two were going to kiss, which would have been a weird way for Sokka to break the news that he wasn’t interested in me.” Zuko’s sputtered out a response.

“We weren’t going to kiss. I’m not interested in kissing Sokka. Or anybody for that matter. In case you’ve forgotten, there’s a war going on and we’re trapped in the most secure fire nation prison, trying to figure out a way to escape.” Suki didn’t even seem to hear him as she continued. 

“Well, something’s changed. I can’t quite put my finger on it.” She finally looked up and he got a perfect view of her beautiful eyes. “And if I’m being honest, it kind of feels like a weight off my chest. Lately I’ve been feeling like me and Sokka, no matter how much I love him, maybe….weren’t meant to be.” Zuko took a single look in her eyes and realized he knew exactly how she was feeling. He had felt that with Mai. It was like he wanted to love her in the way he knew he should, but he just couldn’t. “So I guess if you were interested, you wouldn’t have any competition.” Zuko began to protest and she stopped him with a delicate gesture. “But you’re not interested.” 

“Right. I’m not interested.” Zuko was surprised to hear how unconvincing his voice sounded.


	18. But if the world was ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so a few things  
> 1.) theres some mention of abuse in this chapter. nothing graphic but be aware.  
> 2.) some mention of ablism relating to deafness  
> 2.) zuko is Dramatique. writing him is so indulgent and i love it

It was easy enough to get past the guard in the hallway even before the shift change. Zuko almost considered waking him up so he wouldn’t get in trouble for sleeping on duty but then he would be in trouble so he decided against it. He and Suki hadn’t spoken any more after Zuko professed his disinterest in a remarkably insincere manner, and they parted ways with only a quick shared glance. His cell was almost welcome. After joining the gang, he was awarded very little alone time. If he wasn’t training Aang then he was hanging out in the courtyard with Toph or Sokka. He had tried once early on to sequester himself in his room, but he was quickly retrieved by an angry Katara. ‘I want you where I can see you at all times!’ Her voice rang in his ear. This trip had almost made him miss her terrifying scolding and not quite empty threats. Almost. Surveying the quiet room, he could hear his breathing echoing off the walls and sat, alone, with his thoughts for the first time in a long time. 

He didn’t consider himself to be unintelligent. As a matter of fact, he prided himself on his ability to pick up on the smallest nuances of human behavior. Every little thing about a person could be telling, even if they didn’t know it. So he couldn’t exactly write it off as a coincidence how many people seemed to think that he was interested in Sokka. Growing up was torturous just by virtue of being the fire lord’s failure son. He watched his mother wither away to nothing under the weight of her poisonous marriage, and that was all he had as a roadmap for relationships and ‘love’, which Zuko was rapidly concluding that it simply did not exist. How could it? Romantic love, that is, was just a fraud, a placating notion that people gorged themselves on because the truth was too hard to face. Even if it did exist, it did not come without pain. He saw people all over the world torn asunder, catatonic, or fractured in an irreparable way by the loss of someone they claimed to love. Zuko wanted no part. He hated himself sometimes, less and less each day he was beginning to notice, but he never held enough hate to subject himself to the misery that was love. 

His thoughts spun in his head like a wheel, until they brought him back to Mai, and to Suki. Poor Mai, his best friend, was tangled in the web of ‘love’ and look where she ended up. Broken hearted no doubt by his departure, betrayed by the person she trusted, and now alone with only a memory of happiness to leave a stale air around her life. And what about Suki? She was simply falling out of interest, and whether Sokka knew this or not, there was nothing to be done about it. Watching someone fall out of love through no fault of your own, just slowly unstoppable, must be the most painful thing in the world. Zuko could not fathom why people did that to themselves. Did people really feel so strongly like that? He knew love. He loved Mai, and his uncle and his mother, but never in the way that people seemed to talk about in songs and poems and plays like the one his mother took him to. Those people wanted to be close, be open and unyielding, to have another know them completely and still choose to be with them. The thought sent a shiver through him. To be so vulnerable was not something that he craved, nor maybe even could tolerate. The person who he had grown closest to was probably Sokka. They were the same age, and there was nothing like a life threatening trip to bring people closer together. In the span of a few days, Sokka went from acquaintance/friend, to someone that he trusted to free him from the cooler, to not abandon him here when they left. Someone he trusted to look into his eyes and not want to look away. 

Eye contact had always been difficult for Zuko. Even as a child he found it to be invasive and exposing at the same time. He recalled sharp raps from a slender wooden switch against his wrist every time he looked at his shoes during his lessons. He often faced away from people while talking, to hide his wandering gaze. With Sokka though, he felt different. His eyes, the ones that were made of sky, were like free falling, no chains or expectations for the sky does not care for those who fall, nor does it judge. He didn’t feel invaded when Sokka stared, taking in every inch of his face, his scar, when they had sparred. Zuko closed his eyes. He could feel the pressure of Sokka’s chest on his own, arms open and inviting as he held tightly to Sokka’s hands, and the feeling of being seen rather than looked at. Not even Mai looked at him like that. No one ever had. He shook his head. He had never had friends before, not really, so all of this was new. This strange pull in his chest, like a magnet every time he was near to Sokka was new. The desire to be near to him, to comfort and protect was new. The desire to just maybe get a little bit closer, was definitely new. 

It wasn’t that he had never felt attraction before. He remembered being very young, before his mother was gone, sitting in the gardens. The servants and dignitaries rushing to and fro were perfect for watching for hours on end, and sometimes he would come up with little games to entertain himself. One of them was guessing which of the people would do something outrageous, for example, of these people, who wears a ball gown to bed, who would eat a fish-toad on a dare, who is secretly a famous musician, who would he marry if he was a regular boy? That one was the most common, because it included him in the little made up narrative. He got to imagine himself, a regular nine year old, with an ordinary dad who was maybe a farmer, or a fruit merchant. He would come home from a long day of work, kiss his mother softly and play games with him and his baby sister. Maybe in this world, there were no benders, or maybe they were earthbenders instead of fire nation, maybe Azula was a boy, maybe he had blue eyes. Anything could happen in this world, including the most beautiful person in the world falling in love with him. So he would scan, searching every face for the most beautiful person in the world, guessing at who he would fall in love with. A few stood out in his memory, ones that even throughout all these years, he still could not shake from his brain. There was the daughter of the ugly general whose name he had never bothered to learn; she was tall, far taller than most of the men in the fire nation even at fifteen, with slender limbs and long straight black hair. She had a plain face, but she moved so uniquely, her longs limbs swaying as she bobbed gently, like a spider on a windy day. He watched her walk across the whole courtyard, long strides cutting her journey down by a few seconds, and then spent the rest of the day imagining her walking towards him, perpetually, never quite making it to him. The other girl he remembered was a royal accountant or some financial person. She was from the colonies and stood out like an emerald in a bowl of pearls. Her warm brown eyes were the same rich shade as the ornate table in the dining hall and she had a thick braid that trailed all the way down her back, usually adorned with shining pins and accoutrement. She had the slightest of accents and her voice was smooth and sweet like honey. Zuko would listen to her talk about horrendously boring financial things for longer than anyone else, savoring every word that crossed her lips. They danced and sang in his thoughts every now and then, reminding him of a simpler time when marriage was just a word that he didn’t quite comprehend yet. When love was a dazzling mystery rather than a lie on his tongue. He rolled the memory around in his brain, and in the solitude of his cell, allowed it to come to fruition, as he remembered the third person, the only one who made it feel like there was lightning in his heart, and the only one who he had wanted to marry. 

He was a servant in the palace. Young, not quite a man, not quite a boy. Zuko realized with a soft start that he was probably about the age that Zuko was now. He had alabaster skin, white hair and pale pink eyes. It was mesmerizing to see pink in someone’s eyes. Zuko had stared a little too long at him the first time he spotted the boy, and his mother reminded him that staring was impolite. He couldn’t help himself, all he wanted was to lose himself in his eyes. Would it feel different to be looked at by someone so enchanting? It was too unbearable a thought, and that night he snuck into the wing where the servants slept, his feet clicking loudly against the stone floor. By the time he reached the dormitory where they all lived, they had all stood and were awaiting instructions. He was embarrassed by the attention and started walking back to his room, upset that he had not even gotten to see the boy again, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was one of the servant girls who usually served him his tea in the garden. She was only around fifteen and she had the beautiful boy in tow. 

“Excuse me, Prince Zuko, my name is Chenna. I was wondering if you had met my brother.” She gestured to the boy who was smiling gently. Zuko wanted so badly to run away. “He has just returned from living with my father in the east and had never been graced by the presence of a royal.” Looking back, this girl must have sensed Zuko’s embarrassment and was trying to make him feel less awkward. He wondered if she was doing well. She was always smiling and far more kind to him than he probably deserved as a member of the royal family that she served. She was the one who taught him how to walk quietly, as she was an expert at moving without being noticed. 

“Oh. Of course. How are you liking the palace so far?” Zuko breathed a sigh of relief that he was able to make it through his sentence without stumbling. All he could think about was how the boy was so beautiful, it was as if Agni had made him from snow and cherry blossoms. He was so captivated by his eyes that he almost missed the gestures that he was making with his hands. Zuko turned to look at Chenna kneeling next to him, and saw that she was also making gestures with her hands. 

“He says he is enjoying it very much.” Chenna smiled and Zuko leaned in close to whisper to her.

“He didn’t say anything.” She smiled at him.

“Your highness, my brother is deaf on account of his albinism.” Zuko had never heard that word before, but didn’t want to admit that he was unsure of its meaning, so he just nodded. “We use our hands to make words so he can communicate.” And so Zuko watched as the boy crouched down and made some motions with his hands. He stared in wonder as he twisted his fingers and pulled at the air, almost like he was bending. “See what he just did? That’s how he says his name.” Present day Zuko, eyes still closed, immersing himself in the memory, began tracing the boy’s name in the air, the way he had been shown almost ten years ago. Chenna had taught him a few basic words so he could communicate with her brother. Unfortunately, the fire lord had taken notice of Zuko’s obsession and one day the two of them were just gone. He never knew what became of them, and he had taken two full weeks to recover from the beating he received for participating in something below his station. Ironically, he ended up needing to sign sometimes because of his father’s abuse. Only to his uncle, though. It was better if people didn’t realize that his scar was far more than superficial, that he had lost almost all his hearing and sight on the left side of his face.

Even after all this time, Zuko could see the boy’s hands clearly in his head, and in a moment of peace, he imagined what they would feel like. Would they be strong from constantly moving in strange ways? Would they be as warm as Sokka’s? Sokka’s hands. Sokka’s hands moving in the way he was taught. Sokka spelling out Zuko’s name without making a sound, holding his very essence in his hands. Sokka holding him in his hands. Zuko almost pulled back from the idea, reining in his imagination, before indulging in the novel concept. He knew that something like this was punishable in the fire nation, but even at his most zealous, he never really understood why it mattered. He imagined Sokka taking his hands in his own. Was that so terrible? He imagined feeling the warmth seep between the two of them as they lay pressed together on a cold night. Was this really going to contribute to the down fall of fire nation society? His eyes slammed open. Maybe he should indulge. After all, he was a traitor, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3.) so i know that deafness is only associated with partial albanism (i.e. blue eyes) but i really wanted him to have pink eyes  
> 4.) the idea of holding somebody, if only for a moment, while signing their name is something that i'm obsessed with  
> 5.) i know i didnt name the brother, his name is a sign which doesnt translate directly into a written or spoken name. like its a symbol that could be representative of a written or spoken name, but his actual name is his signing motion, hence my only calling him 'the brother'. in my mind he signs something that looks like pulling a bow back which signifies the name Hunter


	19. You'd come over right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probably the biggest deviation from shown canon so far bc i cant resist making every character i can get my grubby little hands on gay

“Zuko, are you there?” Sokka’s voice filled his otherwise empty cell, and Zuko got to his feet and crept towards the door.

“I’m here.”

“I just got done talking to my dad. We came up with an escape plan together.” Zuko grinned, though Sokka couldn’t see it through the door. 

“What are you doing here?” That voice was unfamiliar and most unwelcome. Sokka spun around, quickly lowering his face shield over his eyes. There were two guards standing at the top of the stairs, waiting for his answer. Zuko wished he could see what was going on, but they were standing to the left and even if he had two good eyes, the angle was completely obscuring his vision. 

“I was just telling this dirty lowlife what I think of him!” Sokka pointed viciously at Zuko’s cell and then entered into what could only be described as a power squat. The guard seemed unentertained. 

“Well, you’ll have to do that later. He’s coming with us.” Sokka stole a glance at the cell door. Zuko had retreated further in and he could only just make out his shadow through the slit. 

“Why?” This was throwing a wrench into their brand new escape plans.

“Because we have orders straight from the warden, that’s why!” Zuko’s blood ran cold. Payment was due, and the warden was getting ready to collect. He grit his teeth and tried not to imagine all the terrible things that he knew the fire nation did to their enemies. 

“Can I just have ten more seconds to rough him up a bit?” Sokka punched his fist into his palm and hoped that the guards wouldn’t be able to resist a chance at excess cruelty. They crossed their arms.

“Fine,” said the long haired guard “ten seconds.” Ten seconds. That was all he had to tell Zuko the plan before they dragged him off to who knows where for who knows what. Sokka was already kick starting his planning skills, figuring they were going to need to rescue Zuko before even getting a chance to try their hands at escaping. He open the squealing cell door and saw Zuko, already holding up the thin regulation pillow for him to use as a punching bag. A smile crept across his face, Zuko knew exactly what he was supposed to do. 

“Take that! And this! Ugh!” he yelled a few times, throwing timed punches against the pillow, just long enough to convince the guards that he was doing damage, and Zuko was crying out in mock pain. 

“We have a new plan, but it’s gonna need a big distraction.” Sokka’s voice barely carried over their fake fight. He couldn’t see Zuko’s face behind the pillow and for a second, he worried that Zuko couldn’t hear him. That is until he lowered it ever so slightly, revealing a cunning smirk and shining eyes. He had heard, and he was ready. Sokka smiled. “Be in the yard in one hour.” The unspoken ‘if you can’ hung in the air and for a moment, Sokka faltered. The pillow fell to the floor and suddenly, the ten seconds were up. The door protested the motion of the hinges, and gave Sokka just enough of a warning to launch himself at Zuko. It was awkward, he didn’t actually want to hurt him obviously and neither of them were in fighting stance so he just grabbed him and begun shaking. Zuko’s arms failed above his head like an octopus squid as he thrashed around. 

“Alright, that’s enough.” The guard pushed him off Zuko and into the wall, taking Zuko out of the cell and down the hallway. He looked so small compared to the guards and Sokka couldn’t help be reminded that they were all children in this, no matter how hard they tried not to be. They were playing at something much bigger than themselves, and part of him couldn’t believe that they had even made it this far. He stood in Zuko’s empty cell and made himself a silent promise. By the light of the moon, Sokka was going to make sure that they made it to the end. 

“Where are you taking me?” Zuko protested loudly. He knew he wasn’t going to get answers, or be able to escape, but he’s be damned if he made their jobs any easier. They followed the hallway that he had traveled in before and realized that he was going back to the interrogation room just a few seconds before he was thrown in, landing hard against the solitary wooden chair. He whipped around and stared into the blinding light of the doorway, his eye still adjusting to the darkness. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Come on Zuko, we all know that’s a lie.” _Fuck _. Mai’s velvet voice wrapped around him as she stepped out of the shadows. Her face was angry and her voice was full of emotion, well, as full as Mai’s voice ever got. She was all angles and sharp edges and danger and yet, Zuko couldn’t help but notice she chose not to stand on his blind side. The door slammed shut and then they were alone.__

__“Mai. How did you know I was here?” If she emoted at all, she probably would have rolled her eyes._ _

__“Because I know you so well?” Zuko furrowed his brow. She knew he’d end up in prison?_ _

__“But how?”_ _

__“The warden’s my uncle you idiot.” Zuko groaned and placed his head in his hands. This wasn’t his punishment for being a traitor, this was his punishment for being a shitty boyfriend. He wondered if he was the only person in the world who had to endure this sort of torture after a messy breakup. Things really always went the worse possible way for him, didn’t they?_ _

__“The truth is, I guess I don’t know you.” The noise of rustling paper made him look up. Mai had unrolled the letter he had written and was displaying it in her perfectly manicured hand. “All I get is a letter? You could have at least looked me in the eye when you decided to betray me.” Zuko tried to think of the right thing to say, but he was starting to realize there might not be a right thing to say._ _

__“I didn’t mean to-“_ _

__“You didn’t mean to?” she began reading his own words. “’Dear Mai, I’m sorry that you had to find out this way, but I’m leaving.’”_ _

__“Stop!” Zuko couldn’t take it anymore. “This isn’t about you. This is about the fire nation.”_ _

__“Thanks Zuko,” her words were dripping with venom. “That makes me feel all better.” The scroll fluttered down onto his head and he stood to face her. She deserved that much._ _

__“Mai, I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t mean to break your heart.”_ _

__“Break my heart? Grow up Zuko.” Zuko let his outstretched hand fall to his side. “It’s just you and me now, we don’t have to pretend that this was anything more than mutual protection.” Zuko kept a neutral expression, but on the inside he was burning like the sun, a thousand questions threatening to burst forth from his mouth. “No more suspicions, no more pressure from our parents and we get to grow old rather than be sent to some bunker and forgotten about.” Zuko’s mouth felt like it was filled with sand. What was she talking about? Bunker? Suspicions? Pretend it was more than mutual protection? What does that even mean? “I’ll be able to get maybe a year out of mourning the loss of my ‘beloved’” Zuko flinched at the way she said that “before I’m promised to some general as a reward for winning a battle!” Zuko was truly and rightfully lost. Her shoulders deflated a little, and Zuko wanted to hold her and make everything right again. “You were supposed to be my friend Zuko.” Her voice was quieter now. “And you condemned me to the life that we were safe from together.” Desperately he tried to understand what she was talking about. He couldn’t even begin to find the words to comfort her when he didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. He started to say her name, maybe if he got that out he would be able to keep going and stumble into the answers to his questions, but a guard slammed open the cell door, flooding it with light and noise._ _

__“Ma’am, there’s a riot going on! I’m here to protect you.” Mai remained unflinching._ _

__“I don’t need protection.” Truer words were perhaps ever spoken. He remembered the time that he went walking with Mai in the woods and she peeled an apple with her throwing knives from forty feet away. Didn’t waste a single bit of flesh. They had eaten it together, wordlessly sharing slices in the calm afternoon. He laughed at the idea that anyone would be better suited to protect her than herself._ _

__“Believe me, she doesn’t.” the guard began to approach. Zuko’s smiled slipped away, and braced himself for what he was about to do: leave her behind, again._ _

__“I’m sorry but I’m under direct orders from your uncle to make sure that nothing happens.” With as much energy as he could muster, he threw his palm towards the ground in front of her, and from it sprang bright red flame. In an instant, the guard had thrown himself towards Mai, pinning her against the wall as he pushed her away from the fire. Zuko was already almost to the door when he heard Mai scream at the man, and then a thud as he was cast aside. The door slammed closed just as she reached it, her eyes searching Zuko’s through the slit. He couldn’t bear to see the hurt he was causing, so he closed his eyes and began running towards the rendezvous point in the yard. He ran as hard as his body allowed, feeling the ache in his legs and the burning in his lungs. He thought of all the answers that he didn’t know, to questions he didn’t realize he had. The only thing he could do was run away, like he always had, and hope that one day, he would be able to atone for his mistakes._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mai really said "wait this wasn't a wlw-mlm solidarity relationship? what do you mean we're not mutual beards?"


	20. You'd come over and you'd stay the night?

_Holy shit_. Zuko was panting as he ran through the throngs of fighting, dodging and weaving the randomly thrown punches of the rioters. He knew he should be paying more attention to where he was going, but he couldn’t help it. Suki was practically flying, scaling the exterior of the prison as easily as walking up a flight of stairs. One, two, three, four guards down as fast as he could count, and she didn’t show a single sign of slowing down as a she skidded up to the warden, tying his hands behind his back with a lazy smile. _Oh how Ty Lee would love her_. The rest of the escapees began their ascent, much slower and clumsier than she had, but they made it nonetheless. She wasn’t even winded when she spoke, but it was hard to hear her over the four of them panting and groaning. 

_____ _

_____ _

____“We’ve got the warden. Let’s get out of here!”_ _ _ _

____“That’s some girl.” Zuko flinched at the unrecognized voice before realizing that it was Sokka’s dad, Hokki. Or maybe Koko? Koha? He wrestled with the memory of his uncle telling him the tribe leader’s name. It had to be Koha. That sounded right. Or maybe it was Hoka. He found himself fixated to the point where he missed whatever Sokka said. He would have asked but they took off running towards the gondola, the warden slung over Chit Sang’s shoulder._ _ _ _

____“We’re almost there!” Suki was unsurprisingly leading the pack, with Sokka by her side. Zuko wondered if he was going to have to ask Sokka his dad’s name or if he was going to introduce them, but his thoughts were cut short by the sight of four guards on the bridge, jumping into formation. The group slowed to a halt right as two guards thrust out their fists, shooting a plume of flame directly towards them. It was as if everything in the world was gone except for Sokka and the flames screaming towards him. Zuko pushed him to the side, out of the line of fire, and swung his arm across his face to block the attack. The heat poured across his body, only a gentle warming sensation after the block had dissipated most of the blast, and Zuko shouted a warning to the guards._ _ _ _

____“Back off! We’ve got the warden.” He turned over his shoulder to see the warden unceremoniously wiggling on Chit Sang’s arm. Slowly, the hesitant guards moved to the side, arms down, creating a tenuous ceasefire on the path to the gondola. Everyone was walking the razor’s edge, one wrong move could destroy everything. Zuko lead the group through to the other side and took a defensive stance as the other escapees ran past to board the car. He could hear Suki shout a command and the squeal of a metal door on an ungreased rail. They were in. All he had to do was make sure that the gondola couldn’t be called back the minute they started moving._ _ _ _

With a flourish, he whipped around towards the controls and shoved the lever into place. The machinery whirred to life, sending the car up the cable. It was moving fast, faster than he had originally anticipated, but he knew that everything they risked would all be for naught, betraying Mai, escaping punishment for being the traitor fire prince, and everything else they had done would turn to ash if the gondola was called back to the island. His first kick did nothing. The metal held strong against his foot and panic started to rise in his throat. He kicked again, harder this time, feeling a slight give. His third assault was too much for the bar and it snapped off from the base, rendering the controls useless. He didn’t have even a moment to appreciate his handiwork before the squadron of guards descended upon him, sending him running towards his last chance at freedom. The car was already past the platform completely, a gap now growing larger with every passing second. He searched the back of the gondola for some kind of handhold, something he could reach for but the design was smooth and for an instant, Zuko wondered if he had been too hasty in assuming he would get out of here alive. He could see Kokohum, _that’s Definitely not his name_ , and Suki watching his desperate sprint with a knowing glance. They had done war. They knew that sometimes, people don’t all make it out. They knew better than most, being in here. But it was the look Sokka was giving him that made him run faster. It was a pleading look, one filled with fear and helplessness and desperation. He was begging him not to die, not like this, from a plan that Sokka had made. 

“Zuko!” Sokka’s voice rang out through the air, vibrating through him like a single drum beat. _Okay_ Zuko decided. _I won’t die today_. 

__________It reminded him of being a kid, when you jump to reach a tree branch that’s just a little too far away to grab safely and the air carries you with the promise that you have one chance only before you begin to plummet. The blasts of guard fire licked at his back as he soared, scanning for the bit of sky that was looking for him too. Sokka was halfway out of the window, braced against the frame with his hand straining against itself, trying to find Zuko’s. One shot and a promise not to die was all he needed. His hand wrapped around Sokka’s forearm, and suddenly he was no longer falling. Sokka groaned with effort, his fingers squeezing Zuko’s wrist, the only thing standing between him and a swim in the boiling lake. He swung out, the momentum of his jump carrying him, and then felt himself being pulled closer, just a few inches, but enough to get a handhold on the sill. With a heave, he climbed up, Sokka’s hands grabbing him, helping him the same way Zuko had helped him climb out of the vent. He had only just put his foot down on safe ground when Sokka started yelling, much in the same way his uncle used to reprimand him sometimes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What are you doing?” Zuko stood, adrenaline coursing through him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m making it so they can’t stop us.” He watched a Sokka’s eyes crinkle slightly as his smile grew._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Way to think ahead.” Zuko let out a huff and grinned. He had picked up some planning skills and they seemed to be paying off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Wait.” Zuko groaned internally at the voice, wondering what it could be now. “Who’s that?” Zuko ran to the back of the car and shivered at the sight. A gold trimmed uniform with a shining metal hairpiece was enough of a sight to do that to anyone who knew what it meant. And there was Ty Lee, looking like a cherry blossom in a coal field, her long brown braid blowing in the breeze. Zuko scolded himself. Of course they were here. Azula would never have let Mai come alone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“That’s a problem. It’s my sister and her friend.” Friend was such a lacking word. Henchman seemed inappropriate for someone so beautiful, and accomplice sounded so cold, but friend was too soft for the things that she had helped Azula with. Was there even a word for ‘previously friend to my sister but now my sister is evil and she has enlisted her childhood playmate to use her acrobatic skills to help her reign supreme in all her endeavors’? Maybe the word was just Ty Lee._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________With an ease akin to Suki, Ty Lee flipped up to the roof and began sprinting across the cables, not seeming to care that she had about two inches of foothold that was suspended two hundred feet over a sulfurous lake. Azula on the other hand had used manacles to create a way to ride the cable, and like a bead on a necklace, slid across the wire towards them. Or rather, used her fire to rocket propel herself towards them at an alarming speed. Zuko made a mental note of her flame placement. In case he ever made it back to the temple alive, Teo would want to know._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“This is a rematch I’ve been waiting for.” Zuko was unsurprised at Suki’s vigor. After all, he didn’t quite know the whole story, but he did know that Azula and Ty Lee and Mai, whose very name sent a wave of emotion to crash over him, were dressed in Kyoshi costumes in Ba Sing Se and Suki was in the Boiling Rock. That was enough to put together the pieces of the story._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Me too.” The cable car had a hatch leading to the roof and Zuko climbed through, pulling Suki and Sokka up behind him, Sokka’s sword drawn and glinting in the sun. He said nothing, but Zuko was pleased Sokka found time to retrieve his belongings. His pleasure was short lived however, as Ty Lee leapt through the air, landing on the far side of the car, by Suki. Zuko wished he could watch that fight, but he had bigger things to focus on. Azula dropped, her trademark smirk plastered on her face, not a single hair out of place. Zuko waited, the first move was always hers, and she said nothing as she sent a wave of blue fire spinning from her heel. Zuko’s own bright orange bending stopped it in its tracks creating a terrifying contrast of colors. He could hear Sokka breathing behind him, waiting for an opportunity to present itself and Zuko obliged. Azula’s next blast was directly at Zuko’s face, and something he was able to block without fire, dissipating her blue flame into the air, leaving an open space for Sokka to charge. He swung out towards her head and she sent another blast. Zuko flicked it away with his wrist and sent his own orange flame out, making her have to jump to avoid it. She was still twisting in the air when Sokka stepped forward again, this time the smug look on her face faltered for a moment as a black blade sliced out, holding her at pointed edge, off balance on the edge of the gondola. She sneered and Zuko released two more blasts towards her feet, hoping her wavering balance would turn into an actual descent. And it did, sort of. She did fall, but was now held rigid on the end of the car, balancing only on her wrists. Her head flicked upward and she had just enough time to shoot a hateful look at Zuko before bringing her feet through her arms and kicking blue fire at him. It rushed past, casting out a wall of heat that make Zuko flinch as his hit his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It was a vicious back and forth. Azula unleashing an onslaught of attacks and Zuko doing everything in his power to block them from incinerating him and Sokka. He heard a grunt behind him that sounded like Suki and suddenly, the car rocked violently, sending Sokka to the floor. Zuko struggled to keep his balance, and even Azula seemed to be thrown. He would have taken pleasure at the sight of her rattled, but he couldn’t think of anything else except the fact that Sokka was sliding towards the edge, grasping wildly as the smooth metal surface. On instinct, he lunged to the side, finding Sokka’s hand as he had found his. He fought against gravity and their unstable ground to pull Sokka up, but the surface of the car offered no purchase, and he had nothing to anchor himself to. They gripped each other tight and hoped that there could be another miracle. He did find it odd that he had not yet been killed by a blast of fire, but couldn’t break his focus even for a moment to locate Azula. That is until he was able to take a step back and suddenly Sokka planted a foot on the car, still clutching his hand, but on stable ground for now. He heard Azula’s voice over his shoulder and turned to see her blast away like a firework, blue fire fueling her ascent._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Goodbye, Zuko.” Zuko wasn’t quite sure why she was leaving, and he would usually be happy to see her go, but something sank in his chest as she landed on the car passing them on its way down towards the island. He finished pulling Sokka up, hands finally separating, and the three of them watched Azula and Ty Lee fade into the distance. It was hard to see, but Ty Lee looked almost, sad? The question itched in Zuko’s mind and took a breath to ask what he had missed when his eyes continued trailing down to where the guards were sawing back and forth across the cable. He swallowed and looked at Sokka. This was not good. They made their way back into the gondola and Zuko started to feel his chest tighten. No matter how many times he kept facing his death, it always made him uneasy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“They’re cutting the line! The gondola’s about to go!” Sokka’s dad, steady as a rock, just looked at Zuko. It was resigned, but strangely comforting, and a sad smile was offered. For a moment, Zuko wondered what it would be like to have a father like this, one who looked like someone that would offer a hand or even a hug if his son needed it. He wondered if Sokka’s dad would put his arms around the three of them and try in vain to protect them if they fell. They were still kids after all. Not even old enough to properly do war. Zuko felt like a kid, just a little child under the gaze of the Water Tribe leader, who stood well above him, broad and strong. They had been through the same things, and some different things, but here in this car as they were about to fall to their deaths, Zuko was just a seventeen year old who had been put through hell, and he wouldn’t mind a father. And then they were moving. The car sprung to life and Zuko ran to where Sokka and Suki were staring at the controls platform._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Who is that?” Sokka’s dad’s voice filled the air and Zuko squinted. A glint of a knife flying through the air and a flash of purple and red robes was all he could see, but it was all he needed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Its Mai.” He kept his gaze fixed on her even after he could no longer make out anything on the island, until the car stopped rising, and they were finally across the lake. Zuko’s head filled with thoughts of Mai, fighting for his freedom when he took hers away and abandoned her, twice. He had to do what he knew was right, and maybe in some small way, that would make Mai’s sacrifice worth it. Zuko grimaced. ‘Sacrifice’ was such a vague euphemism for what she was likely to endure from Azula. He wondered if Ty Lee would beg Azula to spare their friend or if she would feel betrayed by her as well. They had been friends for their whole lives, but it’s not as if they sat together on the way here sipping tea and braiding each other’s hair. _On the way here _. Zuko stopped running and looked back at the island.____________

____

__________“Zuko, what are you doing?” Sokka yelled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“My sister was on that island.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“Yeah, and she’s probably right behind us, so let’s not stop.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“What I mean is she must’ve come here somehow.” Zuko looked around and ran to the top of the crest, looking down the rocky cliff face to where the water met the volcano. “There! That’s our way out of here.” It was like it was put there just for them. Azula’s warship sat on a special platform, designed just for landing warships, and Zuko began searching for the stairs down. As he searched he thought. He thought of Mai, and Ty Lee and Azula playing in the courtyards of the fire palace so innocently once upon a time, he thought of Suki’s village as it burned by his hand, he thought of his uncle, and how he was constantly letting him down. And he thought of Sokka and how he was learning from him, and he thought of Aang and Toph welcoming him into the group, and he thought of the look on Katara’s face when he would reunite her with her father, Hoho. Hobo. Bokorum. Hokimo. He was really going to have to ask Sokka about his name._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____


	21. Would you love me for the hell of it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: this chapter has a description of someone having a panic attack and going nonverbal afterwards. There is some mention of abuse that could be considered graphic (mention of the day Zuko was burned) so proceed with caution. mention of PTSD symptoms. homophobia in the fire nation is kind of big in this one. I dont think there i anything too graphic but its also not my place to say what anyone thinks is graphic so please just exercise caution and care if you think this stuff might bother you

The warship was crazy. Zuko had never been inside one before and after they had taken off, he took his first look around. The internal structure was made up of spider webbing pillars and it was powered by a furnace in the lower decks, currently manned by Chit Sang, and all it really required was someone to turn the wheel in the direction they wanted to go. In the solitude of the deck, he marveled at it. It was a beautiful feat of engineering, even if it was used as a terrifying bringer of death by his bloodthirsty sister. Azula’s face flashed in his mind and he winced. He sat down on one of the steel bridges that connected the port and starboard sides on the ship, letting his feet dangle over the edge, and tried not to let his thoughts consume him. Poorly.

“This must be a familiar place.” The voice startled Zuko who had incorrectly assumed he was alone. He turned his head sharply to the left, cursing his lack of peripheral vision. “Military fortress out of reach of everyone else. A pinnacle of danger.” It was Sokka’s dad. His voice was tinged with some emotion that Zuko couldn’t quite put his finger on, but based on experience, assumed it was hatred, or at the very least, distrust. “Mind if I join you?” He gestured to the empty space beside Zuko and for a moment Zuko considered asking him to sit on his other side, but nodded without saying anything. The large man sat down with a grunt and swung his legs out just like Zuko had. 

“I’ve actually never been in one of these before. I was banished from the fire nation before they were invented.” Zuko stared straight ahead, shoulders tense. He couldn’t see the water tribe leader at all, only feel his presence to his left.

“Oh.” The word was quiet and Zuko clenched his jaw. “Right, Sokka mentioned something about you switching sides. And since I’m sitting here and not in that prison, I guess he was right.” Zuko didn’t respond. The ship creaked and groaned around them, locked in a constant battle with gravity. It was hot on the ship, not as hot as the boiling rock, but still enough that it made him feel like he was back in the fire nation. “It’s a shame your sister isn’t more like you.” Zuko let out a small laugh at this. He had heard that statement, but in reverse, a thousand times growing up. Every time his baby sister excelled while he struggled, flourished where he failed, someone was always there to tell him that it was a shame he wasn’t more like his sister. “But at least that girl with the knives was. What did you say her name was?” Zuko swallowed. 

“Mai.” Mai his ex-girlfriend. Mai his sister’s accomplice. Mai his friend. 

“Right. Mai. She is a very brave girl to stand up to your sister like that.” Zuko lowered his gaze to stare blankly ahead.

“She was.” He whispered, more to himself than anyone else. A silence filled the air between them, but Zuko didn’t care. People never knew what to say to him. The disgraced prince of the fire nation, previous hunter of this guy’s children, and brother to the crazy girl that just tried to drown them all in a boiling lake. 

“You are very brave too.” Zuko turned his head to the side to look at the Water tribe leader for the first time since he sat down. His face looked soft and earnest, like the way he looked when they were on the gondola. “It’s one thing to stand up to an enemy, but to stand up to your own family, and choose to do the right thing in the face of all adversity takes a lot of courage and strength. Especially being the fire lord’s son.” Zuko felt a familiarity in this conversation. Sokka had said almost that exact thing in the air temple when he first arrived, but that didn’t lessen the warmth he felt from the words. 

“It doesn’t erase the things I’ve done in the past though. Things I did to Sokka and Katara and Aang. All of them.” _Toph. Mai. Uncle. Who knows how many more?_ “They all act like they don’t remember, except maybe Katara, but I still remember all of it.”

“It’s not about forgetting, Zuko. They remember, I assure you, but they forgive you. You must have done something to warrant it. I can’t speak for Katara, she’s always been very stubborn, but Sokka told me that he trusts you. He said he wouldn’t have made it without you.” Zuko felt something pull in his chest. “And that’s good enough for me.” Zuko almost didn’t see the arm that was being offered. He stared at it for a moment, and raised his eyes to meet the icy blue ones. They were similar to Katara’s, but less like Sokka’s. Aang had said once that Katara and Sokka had the same eyes, but he was wrong. Katara’s were like the ancient glaciers, shocking blue and crystal clean. Sokka’s were softer, warmer, and promised all the freedom of the sky. 

Zuko wordlessly took his forearm in the way he had seen before. It felt strong, and Zuko was suddenly very aware of how young he was. His own forearm was almost completely covered by the man’s hand, his fingers just a few centimeters away from meeting each other. He missed his uncle, but in the quiet of this moment, Zuko was grateful for the kindness shown to him. 

“Thank you, Chief of Water Tribe.” The man laughed. 

“Please, call me Hakoda.” Zuko’s mind felt a sudden break of resistance now that the puzzle of his name had been solved. “You’ve earned it, kid. Anyone fighting against the fire nation is okay in my book.” Hakoda released Zuko’s arm, and it fell to his side. “They hurt, and hurt indiscriminately. Even you, the prince, bears the mark of their villainy. What does that say when the son of the leader is not even safe? How could your father allow that?” Zuko’s throat went dry. For a moment, it was as if he was right there again, looking up at the fire lord. The way the floor felt beneath his palms as he pleaded and begged, the way his father’s voice was the only noise in the room full of people, the way the smell of burning flesh and hair permeated his nose. He gagged at the memory of the smell, and pulled his legs up close to his chest and backed away from the edge of the bridge where he was sat. Everything was spinning. Zuko couldn’t quite get to his feet, so he settled for being on all fours, taking shaking breaths. It was only after a few minutes of trying to block out the memory and struggling to breathe, that he heard it. A voice. And a hand, a large one, was placed on his back.

“You’re alright kid. Breathe. Take it easy. You’re here. You’re safe.” The soothing baritone washed over him, gently coaxing him back to reality. The weight of Hakoda’s hand grounded him and Zuko realized that he didn’t mind this in the same way he didn’t mind it when his uncle ran his hands through his hair when he was having a nightmare. He’d die before letting anyone in the gang see him like this, but maybe a father? They were supposed to do stuff like this, right? Even after all the abuse, the burn, he still would have run into his own father’s arms if they had been offered. That’s why it was so hard to break away, why he almost got captured by Azula that one time; he had wanted so badly to believe that he was loved by his dad, he was willing to do anything to earn it. Well, almost anything. 

“I’m fine.” Zuko coughed out, clearly lying. His voice was hoarse and he could feel his hands tingling from lack of oxygen. He opened his mouth to say another placation to avoid making the situation worse, but his tongue felt heavy and uncooperative. He squeezed his eyes shut. He always got like this after these attacks, but luckily he was so often sullen and silent that not many people noticed something had even gone wrong. 

“It’s alright kid. I’d be surprised if anyone in this war could go on living without impact. Every time it snows, I search the skies, terrified that there will be plumes of fire nation smoke on the horizon, just slightly too far to turn it black yet. And I live in the South Pole, so you can imagine how often it snows.” Hakoda gave Zuko a mirthless smile. Zuko was still shaking, but less so than he had before. “And my best friend Bato. He was burned during our mission, and was so badly wounded we had to leave him behind. I saw him again on the journey to the fire nation before the Day of Black Sun, after he had healed. He was still the same old Bato, but he would toss and turn all night, wake up clutching his arm and shouting orders to a phantom crew. He never wanted to talk about it, but I would still lay a hand on his back, just like this, until he fell asleep.” Zuko could still feel the hand on his back, and he noticed that he wasn’t on all fours anymore. He had sat back on his heels, and was still plagued with tremors, but his breaths came easier, and he didn’t feel as dizzy. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to talk for a while yet, so he was careful to maintain eye contact, to make sure Hakoda knew he was listening, even if he couldn’t respond. 

“There is no shame in who you are now, no matter what anyone may try to make you believe. It means you’re human. And don’t worry. I’ll make sure this stays between us,” Zuko felt relief wash over him. The thought of Sokka hearing about his little freak out from his dad was an unbearable thought “and if you need it, my door is always open.” Hakoda’s hand made a few circles on his back before he pulled it away and got up. Zuko felt the cold spot where his hand had been. He missed his uncle, and wished that he was here to run his hands through his hair, but Hakoda had done a pretty good job, an unexpected job, of helping him. He felt better. “I should go check on Sokka and Suki in the controls room. Make sure they have gotten _distracted_.” With a suggestive wink and a laugh, the water tribe leader began making his way towards the controls room. Zuko pondered the implications of Hakoda’s joke and suddenly felt nauseous. 

The thought of Sokka and Suki making heart eyes at each other rather than steering the ship was vile one. That is, until Zuko remembered his conversation with Suki in the uniform storage room. He had felt lighter after leaving the closet, like Suki’s musings that her relationship were over had unburdened his soul. He wished he didn’t feel joy at someone else’s misfortune, but she had also made some comments that he understood a little too well. That she loved Sokka, but maybe not that way. He had felt the same about Mai. With a start, he realized that apparently, Mai had also felt like that? Or something? He mulled over the conversation in his head. She had acted like everything was so obvious when in fact, Zuko couldn’t see one centimeter through the veil of mystery and obfuscation. What did they have to protect each other from? She had mentioned something about suspicions, and pressure. Maybe people were suspicious about Zuko’s traitorous nature? But what was the pressure about? And the bunker. Something itched in the back of his head. He hadn’t realized it before, but he did recall something about a bunker from his childhood. It wafted through his brain like smoke and he grit his teeth at the way it slipped away. Bunker. Bunker. Bunker. 

Zuko’s eyes widened. Azula had mentioned something about a bunker. The first time he rejected Mai. They were kids. In the garden. Or maybe the courtyard. The beach? It didn’t matter. Azula had been playing matchmaker when Zuko had had enough and snapped that ‘I don’t want to date Mai! She’s not my type and my love life is none of your business!” What he had meant by ‘not his type’ was ‘she is friends with Azula and therefore is pure evil as well’. Azula’s eyes had lit up at his outburst, but even then as a kid she maintained her perfect composure. 

“Careful Zuzu. Mai is a gorgeous, talented girl from a high family. If she isn’t your type then who is? That kind of talk could get you sent away to the bunker where father keeps all the other ‘gentle’ types.” He had furiously stomped away. He didn’t know what ‘gentle’ types meant but he knew it was meant as an insult. Later he had asked his mother about its meaning, and she pressed her lips tight together and ignored his question, tucking him into bed and leaving without another word. As he grew up he learned what that meant, but the memory of Azula had already been buried away, not to be thought of again until this very moment. Had Azula suspected him? Even as children? Or had she simply been intending to hurt or scare him? That was usually the case, but the way Mai spoke made him believe that this was more pervasive than he had realized. She spoke as if everyone suspected him, even to this day. 

Zuko’s mind was flooded with realizations. Mai had said ‘we’ when talking about the bunker. He blinked hard a few times. Did people suspect Mai too? Could girls even be ‘gentle’? He had never thought about it before. He tried to remember his entire relationship in the course of three seconds. He searched for any hints about the truth, but in all honesty, he didn’t even know what he was looking for. He wasn’t even sure why people suspected him, let alone Mai, who he didn’t even realize could be ‘gentle’ until a few seconds ago. He grunted in frustration. She spoke as if they both knew all of this and he cursed himself for being so oblivious. He wondered if she actually was that way, or if there was just suspicions because of how she treated every boy in the past that had tried to court her. In all fairness though, she threw knives at everyone so that was an unfair assessment in Zuko’s opinion. He shook his head. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. All that mattered was that Mai sacrificed herself so Zuko could help Aang train and defeat the firelord. That was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this took a while, i was busy being gay irl


	22. All our fears would be irrelevant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so when writing this scene i tried to capture [this](https://youtu.be/tLtRyb_HeB8?t=72) energy. possible spoiler so watch it at the end? idk i mean nothing that happens in the vid happens in the story. just simliar energies. (its a clip from ds9) also maybe tw: mentions and discussions about homophobia. i know i tagged this story with that so like, its already a warning but still

“Seriously, you guys didn’t find any meat?” Toph’s voice rang out, probably in an attempt to shatter the tender moment, but if anyone noticed, they didn’t react. Katara and Sokka were held tightly in Hakoda’s arms, and the rest of them were just sort of watching. Zuko began to feel uncomfortable, like he was intruding on a special moment so when he thought there were no eyes on him, he slipped away to his room. The halls were empty. The rest of the kids must be off somewhere, completely unaware of the heartfelt reunion happening in the main hall. Lucky bastards. Not that he was bitter, he just wasn’t as practiced at tenderness as everyone else seemed to be. As he crossed the threshold into his room, the floor reached up caught his foot, causing him to land hard on his hands. 

“So didn’t you think that I would like to go to prison?” Toph was leaning against the door frame, having returned the floor of Zuko’s room to its rightful state. “Instead I get left behind with mother hen and her brood? Do you have any idea how many times Katara worried over you guys?” Toph’s hands were waving wildly above her head. 

“It was a covert operation. Even having two of us was dangerous. We almost got killed.” Zuko tried to reason, bringing himself to his feet and dusting off his shirt. 

“Without me!” Toph protested. Zuko couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at her indignant nature. 

“Fine, next time Sokka and I sneak away in the dead of night to break into the fire nation’s most dangerous and most secure prison, I’ll wake you up so you can come too.” 

“That’s all I ask.” Her tiny form made a surprisingly large impact on his bed as she flopped down. He stood awkwardly for a moment before taking a seat at his desk. He had missed these interactions. There were more than a few times he thought they were all going to die, so listening to Toph yell at him was a welcome respite from the real world. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Zuko studied her face in this time. She spoke so wisely, and stupidly don’t get him wrong, but she certainly was a precocious little thing. Her face was still round with childhood features, but it was often hidden behind her hair. It was easy to forget that she was almost five years younger than him. All of the sudden, he felt silly. He had come to her for advice, brought his problems to her, but she was still a child. Even more so than him. In a few years, he would be a man, but she hadn’t even hit a growth spurt yet. Still, in true earthbender fashion, she was the rock of the group. Much more steady than anyone else, and there for her friends to lean on. Zuko softened. 

“Toph, do you ever get tired?” Toph didn’t move for a moment, and Zuko wondered if she had fallen asleep.

“I know I’m basically a superhuman, but I do need sleep just like all of you.” He reminded himself that they were in his room to get away from all the emotional stuff. 

“Right.” His chin was resting on the back of his chair, and his shoulders slumped a little, but then smallest hint of a grin crept across his face. “You wanna hear about how I fought off an entire squad of guards and jumped out across a boiling lake to escape?” Toph shot up with a huge smile plastered on her face. That did the trick. For the next two hours, Zuko regaled Toph with one hundred percent real and accurate stories with absolutely no dramatization what so ever. 

“There’s no way.”

“Well, I guess Sokka did help. I wouldn’t have been able to hold my sister off as long as I did without him and his meteor sword. He’s a talented sword fighter.”

“Ugh Zuko please, no more.” Zuko furrowed his brow, confused at Toph’s sudden outburst.

“What? I thought you were enjoying the story.”

“It’s not the story I’m sick of. It’s you going on and on every two seconds about how amazing Sokka is, how smart and clever and strong and _yuhck yuhck yuhck_. I thought this was going to be about beating up a bunch of people and destroying the prison as you all sauntered away gloriously, not your little crush.” Immediately, Zuko felt like his blood was boiling.

“Not this again.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, trying not to snap at her. “I do not like Sokka! I had a girlfriend! Also, we’re in the middle of a war, I don’t have time for romance even if I was interested! Which I’m not so just drop it!” Toph shrugged. 

“Aang and Katara certainly find time to make goat-puppy eyes at each other. I can’t even see and it makes me sick, but that shouldn’t stop you if you want that.” Zuko growled in frustration. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re just a kid. You have no idea what I’m feeling.” 

“Listen Sparky, the only thing I don’t know is why you keep getting all bent out of shape. You act like liking a boy is some big deal, when it’s really not.” She laid back down on the bed, her arms behind her head and her dirt feet leaving scuff marks on the blanket. 

“You wouldn’t understand. In the fire nation, people like that aren’t allowed. They’re not even mentioned.” Toph scoffed. 

“They’re not allowed in the earth kingdom either but who cares?” Zuko raised his eyebrows and felt like he had been slapped. 

“What? But Haru said….well he made it seem like the only reason he felt the same way I did was because his town was invaded and controlled by the fire nation. That they were the only ones who had those kinds of rules.” Toph barked out a laugh. 

“Oh please, the fire nation may be the biggest and the baddest, but they don’t have a patent on prejudice. I remember one of the maids at my parent’s house was found out to drink lilac tea and she was dismissed. Last I heard, she was working hard labor in the orchards. No one else would hire her as a maid.” Zuko shook his head, thoroughly confused. He had seen so much of the destruction and hatred that was spread by the fire nation, he hadn’t even thought to consider that the other nations might not be the innocent havens of peace and love that he had pictured. It was hard to see grey when his whole world had been black and white for so long. Not that anyone deserved what the fire nation was doing, but it was strange to think that the other nations had their own problems, separate from the war. 

“What do you mean she drank lilac tea? Does that do something?” Zuko wracked his brains, trying to remember if he had ever drank lilac tea. He started to sweat. 

“That was how people referred to the girls who liked girls in the earth kingdom. The boys were called ‘light footed’. It’s all just a bunch of fancy words to avoid offending some prissy bureaucrat.” _Light footed. He was very light on his feet._ “But I don’t put any stock into it. Ahn Mi was always really nice to me, so I never understood why it mattered if she liked girls. My parents ruined her life, and now she has to work twice as hard just to survive.”

“At least that’s better than the fire nation. We call them ‘gentle’ and they get sent away to bunkers, never to be heard from again.” A silence settled between the two of them. It had gotten dark, and Zuko could barely see her anymore, even in the small room. He wondered if he should light the lantern, but he didn’t know if he wanted to see Toph during this conversation. It was easier to pretend that it wasn’t really happening if he wasn’t looking right at her. “How did your parents know? Is there a way to tell who is gentle? Or light footed or whatever?” 

“Zuko,” her voice had changed. It was ever so slightly quieter than before, and had less of a bite than usual. “You are the only one who will know how you feel. I don’t know what tipped my parents off, or what tips anybody off, but no one cares about how you feel and who you like. You’re our friend, and no one will think differently of you.” Zuko’s throat was like the desert. He wasn’t admitting anything. He was just curious. 

“I think my ex-girlfriend, um, drank lilac tea. And I think she thought I was light footed. Our relationship was a lie built by her to protect us. I don’t know why she thought that but she did. I am pretty quick on my feet but that doesn’t mean anything.” He heard Toph shift on the creaking bed frame. 

“Look, all I know is, I can feel when people are excited. I feel it when Haru looks at Katara. And when Aang looks at Katara. Lots of people like Katara. And I feel it when you look at Sokka. I can feel your heart speed up, your breathing start to falter. At first I thought it was because you wanted to beat him up, but I realized that it was different than the feeling Katara gets when she looks at you.” Zuko swallowed, wishing he didn’t want to ask his next question. 

“What about Sokka?”

“What about Sokka?” Zuko jumped clear out of his seat, knocking over the chair at the sound of Sokka’s voice in the darkness. Zuko frantically wondered how long he had been there. He scrambled around in the dark, waving his arms blindly to try and find the lantern. Finally, his hands found purchase on the metal frame and he lit it, illuminating the room in a warm glow. “Hey! Are you guys having a sleepover without me!?” Sokka squawked. 

“Sokka, we have sleepovers literally every night. Our whole lives are just one big sleepover.” Toph pointed out, still reclined on the bed. 

“I know, but Katara never lets us swap stories in the dark after bedtime.” He had crossed his arms and adopted a pouty face. Zuko stole a glance over towards the unflinching girl still dirtying his bedspread with her gross feet. He wondered if she was sensing any feelings. Zuko wasn’t sure if it was an all the time thing, or something she could turn on and off. He honestly wasn’t even too sure how she did it. 

“Well we’re done now anyway.” Zuko’s voice was rough and terse. “Toph was just leaving.” Toph unhelpfully remained on the bed. 

“Well, I just stopped by to see where you were. You disappeared and everybody else is sitting around the fire talking with my dad.” Sokka gestured over his shoulder to an approximation of where the main hall is.

“Um hello? I disappeared too. World’s greatest earthbender over here, not sitting around the fire.” She waved an arm lazily above her head to draw attention, as if her very loud voice wouldn’t already do the trick. 

“Right! And Toph! Of course!” Sokka voice squeaked and cracked and he was a few shades more pink than he usually was. “I noticed both of you were gone and came to find two of my best friends.” It was at that moment, as Sokka was nervously fussing with the back of his head that Katara came around the corner and stepped into the room. It was starting to get crowded in here.

“Hey. I just came to talk to Zuko. I didn’t realize there was a party going on in here.” Katara seemed conflicted. She looked like she wanted to leave, but also seemed to be indignant that she wasn’t invited to whatever impromptu gathering was going on in Zuko’s room.

“There’s not. I was followed by Toph and then Sokka and you showed up.” There was a lot of people in this room. And it seemed like at least half of them wanted something from him. It was warm in here.

“Well, I wanted to have a word with you, but it seems like I’m intruding on ‘best friend time’. Let me guess, plotting another stupid mission that would put everyone in danger?” Katara was staring directly at Zuko as if he was responsible for Boiling Rock. The implication that Zuko dragged Sokka kicking and screaming to the fire nation’s most dangerous prison was almost laughable, but Zuko didn’t quite feel so much like laughing. 

“Katara, that’s not fair. I’m the one who decided to go to boiling rock. Zuko found out and came along to make sure I didn’t get myself killed. I wouldn’t have made it out, let alone with Suki and dad, without him.” The moment Sokka chimed in, Katara released her trademark glare towards him, but for some reason, it was less like knives and more like….spoons. Not quite as sharp and would probably still hurt, but her whole demeanor was off. It was like she battling herself, on whether or not bringing her dad back made a difference in her feelings towards Zuko. 

“Whatever, all I’m saying is…” There was a large pause as she angrily wrestled with herself. It looked like she was going to pop a blood vessel trying to figure out a good reason to be mad. “If you are all going to hang out, you should at least invite Aang.” The crushing blow was, in all honesty, more confusing than crushing. 

“Invite me to what?” The bright orange clad boy stepped into the already crowded room. There were a lot of people in here. Zuko was starting to sweat and was pushed against the wall to avoid making contact with anybody else. He didn’t want Toph to get the wrong idea if he accidentally brushed up against Sokka, and he didn’t want Katara to shoot him down for whatever reason she saw fit, and he didn’t want Aang to think they were hanging out without him and he didn’t want Sokka to remember that they were talking about him before he came in the room and have Toph blurt it out. Aang’s shoulders were pulled up almost to his ears as he squeezed between Katara and Sokka. “Wow, its crowded in here.” He was smiling in typical Aang fashion, so largely it looked as if he was constantly at the circus or some fantastical thing. Zuko admired that about him. He always acted as if every single second was better than the one before and tried so hard to make all his friends feel that way too. 

“Maybe we should leave.” Katara started to turn but lost her balance and had to flop onto the bed to avoid completely falling.

“Hey! This bed is already at maximum occupancy!” Toph shouted.

“Haha! Bad news for you Zuko.” Sokka laughed.

“But we just got here, Katara.” Aang tried to help her up and in turn pushed into Sokka, pressing him firmly up against Zuko.

“What is going on in here?” Zuko heard Suki’s voice from somewhere in the room.

“It’s a party! Except this is my seat, Katara. Go find your own!” Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko saw Toph push Katara off the bed with her foot. He tried to focus on anything other than Sokka pushed up against him.

“I wasn’t trying to sit there Toph. I fell!” Aang helped her up and turned to leave, running directly into Suki.

“Oh sorry Suki. I didn’t see you. Sokka is over there on Zuko.” Aang pointed towards them and Zuko tried to push Sokka far away.

“He’s not on me. He fell.” Zuko tried to yell above the chattering. 

“Lots of falling going on in here.” There was a strange sarcastic vibrato in Toph’s voice and Zuko could see Suki trying to push past Katara and Aang. 

“Ow! That was my foot!”

“Katara! How many times? My. Seat. Only.”

“Just move that way!”

“What way?” 

“Sokka I need to talk to you.”

“Zuko, your room is kind of bare, have you considered some curtains?”

“Who’s talking?” The cacophony of voices whipped around in the air. Every inch of his vision was a tangle of limbs and various friends. There were a lot of people in here.

“Where did everybody go?” All at once, as fast as it had started, everything stopped. Hakoda’s strong, warm voice settled over them like a magic spell, and all movement simply ceased. Zuko took inventory of the room in the silence. Toph was standing on the bed now, knees bent in what was definitely about to be an earth bending move. Katara was halfway to falling, kept aloft only by Aang. It looked like a very terrible form of a dance popular in the earth kingdom. Suki was up on the desk, trying to get past the Toph-Katara war zone, and Zuko’s hand was pressed firmly against Sokka’s face, but his arm was completely unbent, keeping Sokka as far away as possible. However, in the close quarters, there wasn’t anywhere for his feet to go, so Sokka was bent backwards at the waist, arms outreached towards Zuko, probably to try and keep his balance. In short, it was chaos. “I was sitting at the fire and before I knew it, we had lost half of the group. I didn’t realize there was a fighting pit in the temple.” Aang was the first one to break the stillness. He finished picking Katara up and quickly returned his hands to himself. He rubbed the back of his bald head and shrugged.

“This isn’t fighting. This is friends! Just hanging out.” Hakoda was smiling, and nodded slightly at the ridiculous scene before him. 

“Well, let’s get back to fire before someone gets hurt ‘just hanging out’.” Silently, the group began to trickle out, everyone exchanging glances. They had all come there for some reason, but perhaps now was not the time. Now was the time for celebration. Suki and Hakoda were free from prison, also Chit Sang, and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Zuko allowed himself this night to be with friends and pretend that maybe, things weren’t as chaotic as they seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm getting pretty indulgent in my writing. I mean, who am i kidding, im always indulgent, just now i've got people reading my stuff so my indulgence is at the forefront of my mind. I guess what i'm saying is, i hope you all have been enjoying these chapters. I feel like maybe i'm getting off track and the slow burn is starting to bore people but keep in mind, i (mutually) pined over my now partner for a very long time so i have the patience of an immortal. i tried to warn you all


	23. Sky'd be falling while I hold you tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER PLS READ: so here's the deal. I had an idea about how Dramatique Zuko (see: daring god to strike him w lightning) would handle this and then i wrote it (and liked it) but the vibes were 100% wrong for this story imo. So I wrote a slightly different version that kept him being Dramatique Zuko, but changed it up. Vibes were still wrong. So I wrote it as I believe it might've played out in canon, whilst still sssslllooowww burning my way through this relationship. However, I still really liked my little indulgences that definitely are not me projecting my sixteen year old self onto this character at all. SO, I decided to post all three versions of the chapter with alternate endings, with the first one being canon in this story, and the second and third just being, i dont freaking know, alternate universes? Sue me i'm clueless. There will be big block letter warnings at the top of the next two chapters as well, and titles that do not correspond to lyrics to try and clue anyone in that doesnt want to read my chapter notes. Good luck and i hope you enjoy this unorthodox style of story telling. ALSO, not as important, but the swordfighting in this chapter was actually partially choreographed in real life by me and my martial arts knowing partner using door jambs that i found in the garage as swords so the fighting you read here is actually the slightest bit accurate which is kinda cool because i know jack shit about sword fighting and it was about to get freaky bad up in here. Lastly, i realized that i never mentioned my tumblr url so if you were absolutely dying to know i am generalteiaorgana on tumblr

It was strange having a dad around. All the kids, even the ones who weren’t Hakoda’s acted different when he was near. Everyone sat up a little straighter, and made sure not to use some of the coarser language they had all picked up in their travels. Except Aang of course, who refused to say anything remotely rude whether Hakoda was present or not. There was a running bet between him and Sokka about who could get him to curse first. Neither of them really had any money though, so the winner was only set to win a ‘get out of bathing Appa’ card. 

It was another beautiful day in the air temple, and Sokka and Zuko were on the lowest level of the inverted buildings, getting in a good spar. They had snuck away in the morning, creeping past the rooms of half a dozen snoring children, Sokka’s dad, and one random tagalong who had strangely remained with them after escaping prison. It was silent except for the occasional grunt of effort and crash of metal against metal. Zuko had heard this song a thousand times before and never tired of it. He spun and dodged at all the right times, planting his feet and blocking the meteor sword as it swung towards his bare torso. Sokka was a competent opponent, in fact, he was more than competent and Zuko was using all of his focus on making sure he stayed in one piece. Although he would never admit it, sword fighting was a dance. The back and forth, parry and thrust of the two opponents. He drank in every motion of Sokka’s body, reading every glance, absorbing it all and reacting in perfect time. A good sword fight could be like a beautiful melody, and he and Sokka certainly were in absolute harmony. In honesty, out of all the people Zuko had ever fought, ever sparred with, ever raised a sword to, Sokka was the one that he felt balance with. They used different weapons, different fighting techniques, different ways of moving and using the terrain, and still, they were the same; two sides of a single coin, converging on each other, powering each other as a yin yang did. 

“So Azula is probably on her way here.” Zuko wasn’t really an expert about how to brooch topics like encroaching death without being too intense. He had been thinking of how to say it on their way down to the sparring floor, and decided that less intense would be said offhanded, casually. Not to mention, any statement made in the heat of a spar was likely to throw the other person off for a moment, which Zuko definitely did not in any way shape or form consider at all. To Sokka’s credit, he didn’t even bother to change the expression on his face before replying, a perfect example of focus.

“I know.” His voice was low and it surprised Zuko. His plan had had the opposite intended effect. Sokka lunged forward, sword aimed directly at Zuko’s heart. A quick block from his right dao stopped him from becoming a kebob, but the instant he did it, he knew he had made a mistake. The step he had taken was too short for the force he had put behind it and he could feel himself start to fall. He watched the meteor sword swing up, using the momentum of the block. It followed him as he fell and the only option was to bring the swords across his chest and face to protect himself until he could stand. With a clash that vibrated uncomfortably down Zuko’s arms, the meteor sword made contact, and he pushed against Sokka to throw it off. He rolled up into a crouch, careful to face his opponent at all times.

“Well plan guy, what’s next?” Zuko launched forward, making a double attack. Sokka strained under the weight of his opponent’s attack, eventually jerking hard to the side, causing Zuko’s swords to slip down the length of the blade. 

“I don’t know if we should take the ship anywhere. It’s not exactly subtle, but everyone can’t fit on Appa.” He swung down hard and Zuko leapt out of the way, the sword loudly slamming into the ground that had just been occupied. 

“It’s a lot harder to hide a dozen people than just a few.” Feign right, attack left. “We should think about splitting up.” Dodge and spin away, creating distance. Zuko was poised and ready, but when he laid eyes on Sokka, head down, arms at rest, he realized the fight was over. Zuko examined him. His bare chest was covered in sweat from their session, and a few strands of his hair had come lose from the wolf tail he wore, and were framing his face. He looked like a warrior, about to make a warrior’s decision.

“I know. I’ve been thinking and Appa should be able to handle the gang, so long as we don’t take any supplies or anything. We’d be flying bare. But that means that everyone that stays behind would have more than enough supplies to get to safety. It’s the only way.” Zuko sighed at this revelation. Aang still needed a lot of fire bending training, but he knew the moves, so now it was up to him to practice and master them. Zuko wished he could be there to guide him, but he understood that there simply was not room for him in their lives. 

“There’s a village to the north, about a hundred miles. The people who stay can head there.” Sokka nodded his head in silence. “Where will you guys go?” Zuko tried his best not to sound bitter, but wasn’t sure he was doing a good job of it. 

“What do you mean ‘you guys’? It’s ‘we’, Zuko. Where will we go? I said Appa can fit the gang.” Zuko blinked a few times in confusion.

“I’m….part of the gang?” Sokka rolled his eyes. Zuko wondered if he got a headache from doing that so often.

“Of course, Zuko. Wait, did you really think I was going to leave you behind? After everything you did for me at the Boiling Rock?” Sokka had turned toward him and took a step forward, closing the gap ever so slightly. His hand was gently outstretched in a way that made Zuko want to take it in his own. Zuko wasn’t sure what to say so he just shrugged his shoulders, eliciting a laugh from Sokka. “Zuko that’s crazy. You’re our friend. You’re Aang’s firebending teacher. Of course you’re part of the gang, pretty boy.” The warm feeling in Zuko’s chest dissipated at the nickname and he glared at Sokka. 

“Do you always insult the other members of the gang?” 

“Okay first of all, I can’t insult any of the girls because they are too powerful and I would end up cleaning Appa’s toes for eternity, and Aang is oftentimes too nice to insult. Second of all, what insult?” Now it was Zuko’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Don’t play dumb. I know my face is enough to scare away an elephant-rhino, you don’t have to remind me.” He instinctively twitched his cheek, feeling the border between scar and skin pull against itself. Sokka had furrowed his brow, and he looked upset. Zuko felt indignant, if anyone should be upset it should be him. Which he was.

“Hey man, I wasn’t making fun of you for being ugly, I was making fun of you for being pretty.” Zuko stepped closer aggressively.

“Yeah right. You don’t have to lie to me. My scar takes up half my face. I won’t be winning any beauty contests any time soon. Calling me ‘pretty boy’ is a dick move when you know it isn’t true.” Sokka took a comforting step forward, completely eliminating the gap between them.

“I think it’s true. Just because you have a scar doesn’t mean that you’re some sort of monster. You are all muscley and have shiny hair. A terrible haircut, but not everyone can rock the wolf tail like me.” He shrugged gently, gesturing to his wolf tail which was almost completely fallen out. Zuko couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled up in his chest. “You have a great profile and you literally look like you have flames in your eyes.” Zuko stared into the sky that was Sokka’s eyes. The freedom and reckless abandon was mesmerizing. “I mean, for real. It’s a good thing you were born a firebender. You have the perfect look for it.” 

“Wow. That was a lot of things you listed about me that you think are pretty.” Zuko said, eyeing the water tribe boy. He shrugged in response.

“Hey what can I say, I’m shallow. I notice these things.” Zuko laughed at the ridiculous boy, and tried to hide the blush he felt creeping up the back of his neck. He noticed things too. Like the feel of his skin when they touched, as charged as an electric eel fish. Like the soft smiles he gave his friends when he thought no one was looking. Like the look in his eyes when they were sparring, focused in on Zuko as if he were the only other person in the world. 

“Well, thanks. I guess.” Zuko smiled gently at Sokka and he returned the smile, only his was tinged with some kind of sadness. 

“Hey, can I ask you a question? About your scar.” The thought of that day made Zuko’s throat tighten and his chest threaten to constrict the way it had on the airship. The stillness of the air calmed him slightly, and the sight of Sokka, barefoot and bare chested, vulnerable in front of him, made him feel like he could be vulnerable too. The slightest nod gave Sokka permission to ask the question that had been burning on his tongue since he realized that it was a scar from a fire blast, and not some strange birthmark. 

“How did you get it?” Zuko steadied himself. He walked toward where he had dropped his things and sheathed his dual swords. The sound of the meteor swords being put away behind him echoed in the emptiness, and when he turned, Sokka was staring patiently. 

“I was burned as punishment for speaking out of turn.” The half-truth burned on his tongue in an unfamiliar way. 

“That’s it? Speaking out of turn?”

“I spoke out against a general in a war meeting that I wasn’t supposed to be in in the first place. I was only allowed on the condition that I remain silent. I broke that condition.” Zuko squirmed under Sokka’s gaze. He knew that there was more, and the look in his eye said that he was going to figure out what it was.

“So you spoke out and were silenced with fire?” Sokka probed.

“Not exactly. I was challenged to an Agni Kai. A sacred god’s duel, to answer for my outburst.” Zuko started to feel his chest tighten, the memory of that day threatening to break out of its prison in the back of his mind.

“And the fire lord allowed this general to fight and scar his sixteen year old son?” 

“Not exactly.” Zuko stared out across the open forest. It really was a beautiful day.

“Spirits, Zuko this is worse than pulling pricker petals out of Appa’s fur! Just tell me: how did you get that scar?” The sweat on Zuko’s body had dried, leaving his skin feeling tight and uncomfortable, or maybe it was this conversation. In his heart, he knew that his father was wrong, but he could not yet seem to rid himself of the aftertaste of shame that came with this memory. 

“It wasn’t the general who I was facing, it was my father. When I spoke out against the plan in the war room of the fire lord, I was insulting him.” There was a sharp intake of breath from Sokka, the pieces of the puzzle finally falling into place. “I begged him for forgiveness, and refused to fight him. He told me I was a coward, and he would not have a coward as a son. That was the start of my banishment, and I was told that the only way to restore my honor and return home was to bring him the avatar.” Sokka stared, mouth agape.

“What?” he asked incredulously.

“I know. I realize that he was wrong now, but you have to understand I had spent my whole life being fed fire nation propaganda of the highest caliber, so as a thirteen year old, this all made sense in my head.”

“What!” The shout that emanated from Sokka’s mouth started some birds in the forest below into flight. 

“Hey take it easy. I’m one of the good guys now, remember? Part of the gang?” Zuko’s heart was pounding and his hands were starting to shake. He wasn’t quite sure what he had said to make Sokka so upset, but he was rapidly beginning to regret his decision to be vulnerable.

“You were thirteen? And your father—“ He cut off his sentence, looking like he was about to be sick. “He is the one that did that to you?” The muscles in his jaw were twisting and grinding beneath his skin and Zuko was taken aback. The only other person that had ever reacted to that day with as much vitriol was his uncle. Azula had been the one to tell Ty Lee and Mai, so they already knew by the time he had been welcomed back into the fire nation. Sokka was the first person to hear the story from his own lips, and from the reaction it elicited, he couldn’t help but wonder if others in the fire nation might have reacted the same way. If they had known that their wonderful fire lord had disfigured a child, his own son and banished him, all for defending the lives of a battalion of soldiers set out for slaughter. 

“The fire lord wanted to teach me a lesson. And I learned it alright. I learned that my father is a cruel man, dedicated to destroying the world if it meant he could rule over the ashes.” Sokka let out a hard breath, trying to process all this information. There was a heavy silence between the two of them and it seemed like an eternity before either one of them spoke again. 

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that, Zuko.” The way Sokka said his name made a warmth spread in his chest. It was so tender and true. “The fire nation has hurt everyone, but with you on our side, we’ll make sure that things will be better. We will make them better.” With a single step, Sokka had closed the gap between the two of them, and using the gesture that Zuko had used at the boiling rock, placed a warm hand on the back of his neck, holding them together, united.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dont forget, the next two chapters are this chapter with alternate endings. They are not canon to this fic.


	24. Alternate 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS AN ALTERNATE ENDING VERSION OF THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER. IT IS NOT CANON. FEEL FREE TO SKIP IT IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ IT. Also, pls pls pls, i know theres warnings in the tags, but be aware that this alternate ending chapter that can be skipped without consequence has a pretty intense description of someone having a panic attack. this is closer to real life reaction to a traumatic situation so like really pls be safe and considerate of yourselves when reading. Also, if you want to find me on tumblr i am generalteiaorgana

It was strange having a dad around. All the kids, even the ones who weren’t Hakoda’s acted different when he was near. Everyone sat up a little straighter, and made sure not to use some of the coarser language they had all picked up in their travels. Except Aang of course, who refused to say anything remotely rude whether Hakoda was present or not. There was a running bet between him and Sokka about who could get him to curse first. Neither of them really had any money though, so the winner was only set to win a ‘get out of bathing Appa’ card. 

It was another beautiful day in the air temple, and Sokka and Zuko were on the lowest level of the inverted buildings, getting in a good spar. They had snuck away in the morning, creeping past the rooms of half a dozen snoring children, Sokka’s dad, and one random tagalong who had strangely remained with them after escaping prison. It was silent except for the occasional grunt of effort and crash of metal against metal. Zuko had heard this song a thousand times before and never tired of it. He spun and dodged at all the right times, planting his feet and blocking the meteor sword as it swung towards his bare torso. Sokka was a competent opponent, in fact, he was more than competent and Zuko was using all of his focus on making sure he stayed in one piece. Although he would never admit it, sword fighting was a dance. The back and forth, parry and thrust of the two opponents. He drank in every motion of Sokka’s body, reading every glance, absorbing it all and reacting in perfect time. A good sword fight could be like a beautiful melody, and he and Sokka certainly were in absolute harmony. In honesty, out of all the people Zuko had ever fought, ever sparred with, ever raised a sword to, Sokka was the one that he felt balance with. They used different weapons, different fighting techniques, different ways of moving and using the terrain, and still, they were the same; two sides of a single coin, converging on each other, powering each other as a yin yang did. 

“So Azula is probably on her way here.” Zuko wasn’t really an expert about how to brooch topics like encroaching death without being too intense. He had been thinking of how to say it on their way down to the sparring floor, and decided that less intense would be said offhanded, casually. Not to mention, any statement made in the heat of a spar was likely to throw the other person off for a moment, which Zuko definitely did not in any way shape or form consider at all. To Sokka’s credit, he didn’t even bother to change the expression on his face before replying, a perfect example of focus.

“I know.” His voice was low and it surprised Zuko. His plan had had the opposite intended effect. Sokka lunged forward, sword aimed directly at Zuko’s heart. A quick block from his right dao stopped him from becoming a kebob, but the instant he did it, he knew he had made a mistake. The step he had taken was too short for the force he had put behind it and he could feel himself start to fall. He watched the meteor sword swing up, using the momentum of the block. It followed him as he fell and the only option was to bring the swords across his chest and face to protect himself until he could stand. With a clash that vibrated uncomfortably down Zuko’s arms, the meteor sword made contact, and he pushed against Sokka to throw it off. He rolled up into a crouch, careful to face his opponent at all times.

“Well plan guy, what’s next?” Zuko launched forward, making a double attack. Sokka strained under the weight of his opponent’s attack, eventually jerking hard to the side, causing Zuko’s swords to slip down the length of the blade. 

“I don’t know if we should take the ship anywhere. It’s not exactly subtle, but everyone can’t fit on Appa.” He swung down hard and Zuko leapt out of the way, the sword loudly slamming into the ground that had just been occupied. 

“It’s a lot harder to hide a dozen people than just a few.” Feign right, attack left. “We should think about splitting up.” Dodge and spin away, creating distance. Zuko was poised and ready, but when he laid eyes on Sokka, head down, arms at rest, he realized the fight was over. Zuko examined him. His bare chest was covered in sweat from their session, and a few strands of his hair had come lose from the wolf tail he wore, and were framing his face. He looked like a warrior, about to make a warrior’s decision.

“I know. I’ve been thinking and Appa should be able to handle the gang, so long as we don’t take any supplies or anything. We’d be flying bare. But that means that everyone that stays behind would have more than enough supplies to get to safety. It’s the only way.” Zuko sighed at this revelation. Aang still needed a lot of fire bending training, but he knew the moves, so now it was up to him to practice and master them. Zuko wished he could be there to guide him, but he understood that there simply was not room for him in their lives. 

“There’s a village to the north, about a hundred miles. The people who stay can head there.” Sokka nodded his head in silence. “Where will you guys go?” Zuko tried his best not to sound bitter, but wasn’t sure he was doing a good job of it. 

“What do you mean ‘you guys’? It’s ‘we’, Zuko. Where will we go? I said Appa can fit the gang.” Zuko blinked a few times in confusion.

“I’m….part of the gang?” Sokka rolled his eyes. Zuko wondered if he got a headache from doing that so often.

“Of course, Zuko. Wait, did you really think I was going to leave you behind? After everything you did for me at the Boiling Rock?” Sokka had turned toward him and took a step forward, closing the gap ever so slightly. His hand was gently outstretched in a way that made Zuko want to take it in his own. Zuko wasn’t sure what to say so he just shrugged his shoulders, eliciting a laugh from Sokka. “Zuko that’s crazy. You’re our friend. You’re Aang’s firebending teacher. Of course you’re part of the gang, pretty boy.” The warm feeling in Zuko’s chest dissipated at the nickname and he glared at Sokka. 

“Do you always insult the other members of the gang?” 

“Okay first of all, I can’t insult any of the girls because they are too powerful and I would end up cleaning Appa’s toes for eternity, and Aang is oftentimes too nice to insult. Second of all, what insult?” Now it was Zuko’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Don’t play dumb. I know my face is enough to scare away an elephant-rhino, you don’t have to remind me.” He instinctively twitched his cheek, feeling the border between scar and skin pull against itself. Sokka had furrowed his brow, and he looked upset. Zuko felt indignant, if anyone should be upset it should be him. Which he was.

“Hey man, I wasn’t making fun of you for being ugly, I was making fun of you for being pretty.” Zuko stepped closer aggressively.

“Yeah right. You don’t have to lie to me. My scar takes up half my face. I won’t be winning any beauty contests any time soon. Calling me ‘pretty boy’ is a dick move when you know it isn’t true.” Sokka took a comforting step forward, completely eliminating the gap between them.

“I think it’s true. Just because you have a scar doesn’t mean that you’re some sort of monster. You are all muscley and have shiny hair. A terrible haircut, but not everyone can rock the wolf tail like me.” He shrugged gently, gesturing to his wolf tail which was almost completely fallen out. Zuko couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled up in his chest. “You have a great profile and you literally look like you have flames in your eyes.” Zuko stared into the sky that was Sokka’s eyes. The freedom and reckless abandon was mesmerizing. “I mean, for real. It’s a good thing you were born a firebender. You have the perfect look for it.” 

“Wow. That was a lot of things you listed about me that you think are pretty.” Zuko said, eyeing the water tribe boy. He shrugged in response.

“Hey what can I say, I’m shallow. I notice these things.” Zuko laughed at the ridiculous boy, and tried to hide the blush he felt creeping up the back of his neck. He noticed things too. Like the feel of his skin when they touched, as charged as an electric eel fish. Like the soft smiles he gave his friends when he thought no one was looking. Like the look in his eyes when they were sparring, focused in on Zuko as if he were the only other person in the world. 

“Well, thanks. I guess.” Zuko smiled gently at Sokka and he returned the smile, only his was tinged with some kind of sadness. 

“Hey, can I ask you a question? About your scar.” The thought of that day made Zuko’s throat tighten and his chest threaten to constrict the way it had on the airship. The stillness of the air calmed him slightly, and the sight of Sokka, barefoot and bare chested, vulnerable in front of him, made him feel like he could be vulnerable too. The slightest nod gave Sokka permission to ask the question that had been burning on his tongue since he realized that it was a scar from a fire blast, and not some strange birthmark. 

“How did you get it?” Zuko steadied himself. He walked toward where he had dropped his things and sheathed his dual swords. The sound of the meteor swords being put away behind him echoed in the emptiness, and when he turned, Sokka was staring patiently. 

“When I was thirteen, my father hosted a war meeting. I begged my uncle to let me sit in. I wanted to be a part.” Suddenly the air seemed thinner after conjuring up this memory, and Zuko had to force his lungs to take long painful breaths. “I was supposed to stay silent, and I didn’t. I challenged one of the war tactics and was required to participate in an Agni Kai. A duel.” Zuko’s voice cracked and popped like an open flame as he spoke. Sokka’s face remained unchanged. He was as still and beautiful as the dolls that Uncle had gotten for Azula when they were kids. It was as if he was afraid to move, lest Zuko realize that he was there. “I thought I was to face the general whose plan I spoke out against, but when I turned around to face my opponent, it was the Fire Lord who was standing there. My own father.” Sokka’s façade finally cracked. It was just a glimpse, but it looked like he was about to be sick. The muscles in his jaw were tensing and grinding under his skin, and Zuko was reminded of the similarities between Sokka and Hakoda. He wondered if Sokka would do the same, place a hand on his back, even when he couldn’t feel it, and bring him back to reality. “I refused to fight him.” He was spitting his words now, heaving lungful’s of air that didn’t seem to satisfy his need for breath. “I begged him for forgiveness. He said he wouldn’t have a coward for a son. This,” he said, gently tracing the rough edges of his scar “was a lesson.” Bile was rising in Zuko’s throat. It wouldn’t be long now before he would lose control, before he was on the ground, gasping for air, unable to even form words. He looked to Sokka, his vision already starting to darken. Trying, and failing to keep his breathing steady, he forced himself to continue. “He, my own father, approached me, on my knees.” With a terrible cracking sound, Zuko’s knees hit the cold stone floor of the temple. Sokka tried with every ounce of strength he had to fight back the tears prickling in his eyes. “He took his hand,” Zuko reached out and grabbed Sokka’s. He didn’t resist, but horror was splashed across his face, hot tears streaming down his cheeks, taking in shaking breaths as he watched the scene before him unfold. “and he placed it against me.” Like something out of a nightmare, Zuko held Sokka’s hand to his scar, mimicking what had happened all those years ago. With every fiber of his being Sokka wanted to pull away because maybe then it wouldn’t have happened. Maybe Zuko wouldn’t have been scarred and disfigured by his own father, dishonored and banished from his home and family. Maybe things would be different. Zuko was panting hard and looked pale, much paler than usual and his eyes were like wildfire, chaotic and burning. It was too much for Sokka. He fell to his knees, and pushing the hand on Zuko’s face into the mass on hair on the back of his head, pulled him to his chest. 

“Please, Zuko. You’re okay. It’s okay. I don’t need to hear anymore.” Sokka’s heartbeat pounded in Zuko’s ears like a war drum. They sat like this, Zuko shaking and trembling against Sokka’s chest, and Sokka holding him as tight as his arms could, not even noticing the burn in his muscles as the minutes passed by, his hand still tangled in soft black hair. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that, Zuko.” The way Sokka said his name made a warmth spread in his chest. It was so tender and true. “The fire nation has hurt everyone, but with you on our side, we’ll make sure that things will be better. We will make them better.” The promise rang out, and suddenly, the air didn’t seem quite so thin anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is not canon either and will carry the same warnings about intense descriptions of someone having a panic attack


	25. Alternate 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS AN YET ANOTHER ALTERNATE ENDING VERSION OF THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER. IT IS NOT CANON. FEEL FREE TO SKIP IT IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ IT. Also, pls pls pls, i know theres warnings in the tags, but be aware that this alternate ending chapter that can be skipped without consequence has a pretty intense description of someone having a panic attack. this is closer to real life reaction to a traumatic situation so like really pls be safe and considerate of yourselves when reading. AGAIN THIS IS THE SECOND ALTERNATE ENDING AND CARRIES THE SAME WARNING, and i'm just gonna be putting my url on every chapter cause why not. tumblr. generalteiaorgana

It was strange having a dad around. All the kids, even the ones who weren’t Hakoda’s acted different when he was near. Everyone sat up a little straighter, and made sure not to use some of the coarser language they had all picked up in their travels. Except Aang of course, who refused to say anything remotely rude whether Hakoda was present or not. There was a running bet between him and Sokka about who could get him to curse first. Neither of them really had any money though, so the winner was only set to win a ‘get out of bathing Appa’ card. 

It was another beautiful day in the air temple, and Sokka and Zuko were on the lowest level of the inverted buildings, getting in a good spar. They had snuck away in the morning, creeping past the rooms of half a dozen snoring children, Sokka’s dad, and one random tagalong who had strangely remained with them after escaping prison. It was silent except for the occasional grunt of effort and crash of metal against metal. Zuko had heard this song a thousand times before and never tired of it. He spun and dodged at all the right times, planting his feet and blocking the meteor sword as it swung towards his bare torso. Sokka was a competent opponent, in fact, he was more than competent and Zuko was using all of his focus on making sure he stayed in one piece. Although he would never admit it, sword fighting was a dance. The back and forth, parry and thrust of the two opponents. He drank in every motion of Sokka’s body, reading every glance, absorbing it all and reacting in perfect time. A good sword fight could be like a beautiful melody, and he and Sokka certainly were in absolute harmony. In honesty, out of all the people Zuko had ever fought, ever sparred with, ever raised a sword to, Sokka was the one that he felt balance with. They used different weapons, different fighting techniques, different ways of moving and using the terrain, and still, they were the same; two sides of a single coin, converging on each other, powering each other as a yin yang did. 

“So Azula is probably on her way here.” Zuko wasn’t really an expert about how to brooch topics like encroaching death without being too intense. He had been thinking of how to say it on their way down to the sparring floor, and decided that less intense would be said offhanded, casually. Not to mention, any statement made in the heat of a spar was likely to throw the other person off for a moment, which Zuko definitely did not in any way shape or form consider at all. To Sokka’s credit, he didn’t even bother to change the expression on his face before replying, a perfect example of focus.

“I know.” His voice was low and it surprised Zuko. His plan had had the opposite intended effect. Sokka lunged forward, sword aimed directly at Zuko’s heart. A quick block from his right dao stopped him from becoming a kebob, but the instant he did it, he knew he had made a mistake. The step he had taken was too short for the force he had put behind it and he could feel himself start to fall. He watched the meteor sword swing up, using the momentum of the block. It followed him as he fell and the only option was to bring the swords across his chest and face to protect himself until he could stand. With a clash that vibrated uncomfortably down Zuko’s arms, the meteor sword made contact, and he pushed against Sokka to throw it off. He rolled up into a crouch, careful to face his opponent at all times.

“Well plan guy, what’s next?” Zuko launched forward, making a double attack. Sokka strained under the weight of his opponent’s attack, eventually jerking hard to the side, causing Zuko’s swords to slip down the length of the blade. 

“I don’t know if we should take the ship anywhere. It’s not exactly subtle, but everyone can’t fit on Appa.” He swung down hard and Zuko leapt out of the way, the sword loudly slamming into the ground that had just been occupied. 

“It’s a lot harder to hide a dozen people than just a few.” Feign right, attack left. “We should think about splitting up.” Dodge and spin away, creating distance. Zuko was poised and ready, but when he laid eyes on Sokka, head down, arms at rest, he realized the fight was over. Zuko examined him. His bare chest was covered in sweat from their session, and a few strands of his hair had come lose from the wolf tail he wore, and were framing his face. He looked like a warrior, about to make a warrior’s decision.

“I know. I’ve been thinking and Appa should be able to handle the gang, so long as we don’t take any supplies or anything. We’d be flying bare. But that means that everyone that stays behind would have more than enough supplies to get to safety. It’s the only way.” Zuko sighed at this revelation. Aang still needed a lot of fire bending training, but he knew the moves, so now it was up to him to practice and master them. Zuko wished he could be there to guide him, but he understood that there simply was not room for him in their lives. 

“There’s a village to the north, about a hundred miles. The people who stay can head there.” Sokka nodded his head in silence. “Where will you guys go?” Zuko tried his best not to sound bitter, but wasn’t sure he was doing a good job of it. 

“What do you mean ‘you guys’? It’s ‘we’, Zuko. Where will we go? I said Appa can fit the gang.” Zuko blinked a few times in confusion.

“I’m….part of the gang?” Sokka rolled his eyes. Zuko wondered if he got a headache from doing that so often.

“Of course, Zuko. Wait, did you really think I was going to leave you behind? After everything you did for me at the Boiling Rock?” Sokka had turned toward him and took a step forward, closing the gap ever so slightly. His hand was gently outstretched in a way that made Zuko want to take it in his own. Zuko wasn’t sure what to say so he just shrugged his shoulders, eliciting a laugh from Sokka. “Zuko that’s crazy. You’re our friend. You’re Aang’s firebending teacher. Of course you’re part of the gang, pretty boy.” The warm feeling in Zuko’s chest dissipated at the nickname and he glared at Sokka. 

“Do you always insult the other members of the gang?” 

“Okay first of all, I can’t insult any of the girls because they are too powerful and I would end up cleaning Appa’s toes for eternity, and Aang is oftentimes too nice to insult. Second of all, what insult?” Now it was Zuko’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Don’t play dumb. I know my face is enough to scare away an elephant-rhino, you don’t have to remind me.” He instinctively twitched his cheek, feeling the border between scar and skin pull against itself. Sokka had furrowed his brow, and he looked upset. Zuko felt indignant, if anyone should be upset it should be him. Which he was.

“Hey man, I wasn’t making fun of you for being ugly, I was making fun of you for being pretty.” Zuko stepped closer aggressively.

“Yeah right. You don’t have to lie to me. My scar takes up half my face. I won’t be winning any beauty contests any time soon. Calling me ‘pretty boy’ is a dick move when you know it isn’t true.” Sokka took a comforting step forward, completely eliminating the gap between them.

“I think it’s true. Just because you have a scar doesn’t mean that you’re some sort of monster. You are all muscley and have shiny hair. A terrible haircut, but not everyone can rock the wolf tail like me.” He shrugged gently, gesturing to his wolf tail which was almost completely fallen out. Zuko couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled up in his chest. “You have a great profile and you literally look like you have flames in your eyes.” Zuko stared into the sky that was Sokka’s eyes. The freedom and reckless abandon was mesmerizing. “I mean, for real. It’s a good thing you were born a firebender. You have the perfect look for it.” 

“Wow. That was a lot of things you listed about me that you think are pretty.” Zuko said, eyeing the water tribe boy. He shrugged in response.

“Hey what can I say, I’m shallow. I notice these things.” Zuko laughed at the ridiculous boy, and tried to hide the blush he felt creeping up the back of his neck. He noticed things too. Like the feel of his skin when they touched, as charged as an electric eel fish. Like the soft smiles he gave his friends when he thought no one was looking. Like the look in his eyes when they were sparring, focused in on Zuko as if he were the only other person in the world. 

“Well, thanks. I guess.” Zuko smiled gently at Sokka and he returned the smile, only his was tinged with some kind of sadness. 

“Hey, can I ask you a question? About your scar.” The thought of that day made Zuko’s throat tighten and his chest threaten to constrict the way it had on the airship. The stillness of the air calmed him slightly, and the sight of Sokka, barefoot and bare chested, vulnerable in front of him, made him feel like he could be vulnerable too. The slightest nod gave Sokka permission to ask the question that had been burning on his tongue since he realized that it was a scar from a fire blast, and not some strange birthmark. 

“How did you get it?” Zuko steadied himself. He walked toward where he had dropped his things and sheathed his dual swords. The sound of the meteor swords being put away behind him echoed in the emptiness, and when he turned, Sokka was staring patiently. 

“When I was thirteen, my father hosted a war meeting. I begged my uncle to let me sit in. I wanted to be a part.” Suddenly the air seemed thinner after conjuring up this memory, and Zuko had to force his lungs to take long painful breaths, savoring the way it burned in his chest. “I was supposed to stay silent, and I didn’t. I challenged one of the war tactics and was required to participate in an Agni Kai. A duel.” Zuko’s voice cracked and popped like an open flame as he spoke. Sokka’s face remained unchanged. He was as still and beautiful as the dolls that Uncle had gotten for Azula when they were kids. It was as if he was afraid to move, lest Zuko realize that he was there. “I thought I was to face the general whose plan I spoke out against, but when I turned around to face my opponent, it was the Fire Lord who was standing there. My own father.” He looked around and suddenly he was surrounded by towering golden pillars and hundreds of nobles and politicians, there to watch the downfall of the young Prince Zuko. He stared ahead at the boy, the naïve unscarred boy and felt a pang in his chest. He would never be this person again. “I refused to fight him.” Zuko stepped closer until he was almost pressed against his chest, and unblinkingly found him through tears that threatened to fall. “This was a lesson.” The softness of his voice sent a chill down Sokka’s spine and he wondered if he even could stomach the rest of this story. “He, my own father, approached me, on my knees.” With his left hand, he grabbed the back of Sokka’s neck, feeling the pound of his heart in his fingertips. His voice was a whisper, but it didn’t matter. Only the two of them existed anymore. This story was not for anyone else. “He took his hand,” Zuko raised his own trembling hand “and placed it upon me.” His body protested every sensation as it laid so tenderly along Sokka’s face, in the exact manner his father had, so many years ago. One scared, wide eye stared out at him, and for a moment, he saw it. He saw what the firelord had seen when he had done this, the fear and trust. Not pulling away, not trying to scream and fight, even though they both knew what was about to happen. He saw it. And nothing in this world could have made him hate his father more than knowing that this was what he saw when he burned the face of his only son. 

Zuko felt weak. The dam had failed and waterfalls poured down his cheeks, his hands trembling so hard against Sokka’s skin that he was worried they might shatter like porcelain. His hand was wet where hot tears had smudged against his palm, and he quickly pulled his hands back to his chest, convinced that he would shatter if he had to endure a single second more of this. A sob escaped his chest and he fell to his knees. Warmth wrapped around him, strength wrapped around him, as Sokka held him in his arms. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that, Zuko. I’m so sorry.” An ache tore through him like a poison at the sound of Sokka voice, thick with tears. “I promise, we will make this world better. I will make sure that you never have to go through anything like this ever again. I swear it, Zuko.” The way Sokka said his name made a warmth spread in his chest. It was so tender and true. The promise rang out, and suddenly, the air didn’t seem quite so thin anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be for real, thanks for standing by this outburst lmao


	26. And there wouldn't be a reason why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i personally am pretending that the alt 2 version is what happened (esp since that one was the first one i wrote) but like the rest of the chapters will work no matter which one is chosen. If i could do it again, i'd just post the alt 2 version but i got caught up in my own head and didnt trust my instincts so such is life and i'm a coward. and i wrote this chapter while staring intensely at my partner, trying to remember falling in love with them for the first time so enjoy

It was hard to not stare. Zuko found his eyes seeking him out every time he wasn’t looking at Sokka. Their earlier encounter had been so jarring. He was not used to being so open and vulnerable, and especially with someone who wasn’t like a father to him. The fire crackled and burned in front of him, but still his skin felt cold where the memory of Sokka’s touch lingered. All he wanted to do was look at him, study the way his face twisted when he laughed, the gleam in his eyes when he told a particularly bad joke, the way his lips moved as they formed Zuko’s name, but he dare not look again. He was acutely aware of Toph’s presence, and he knew that she could tell every time that he looked again at the boy across the flame. He instead stared out at the forest, glistening in the gentle rain. 

Sokka was laughing. He was usually laughing. The sound itself was fairly grating, a loud squeaking guffaw that often times startled animals, but Zuko found himself enjoying it nonetheless. He wished he could be the source of Sokka’s happiness, but for now, his father was playing that role. Hakoda’s stories warmed the gang as much as the bonfire did, reminding people of home and pranks and things besides the fire nation and the war. He wove ancient water tribe tales about the sky and Zuko remembered one that his mother had told him when he was a child. It had been raining for days. The swollen riverbanks had flooded most of the eastern part of the country and lighting and thunder cracked as often as the chimes of the clock. He had been forced awake by one particular rumble that had shook the posters of his bed, and found his mother in the chair beside him, sewing something that he could no longer remember. She whispered, and Zuko had to strain to hear her over the rainfall. 

“It’s alright my little prince. Rain is just pieces of the sky. When the lightning strikes, and the thunder rolls, they fall down to earth, leaving behind tiny pinpricks. When the holes get big enough, we can see them at night, shining light from what lies beyond. One day, all the rain will fall, and there will be nothing left but light.” 

The night after rain, he would always looks up to see if there were any new holes. It was just a children’s story, he knew, but whenever he felt raindrops on his skin, he felt like he was touching the sky. Maybe that would clear his head. Feeling the sky seep into him, run down his face and offer freedom from the thoughts that he had been lost in. It was already late, and it wouldn’t be too much longer until everyone succumbed to sleep. He wondered if Hakoda knew that tonight was going to be his last night together with his children. That in the morning, they would all have to face another goodbye, while Zuko was sitting on Appa’s back, in a place where Hakoda could have sat. Zuko swallowed hard, guilt starting to well up in his throat. Over the dull light of a dying fire, Sokka suggested a sleepover, to which Toph quickly reminded him that every night was a sleepover. Everyone went to fetch their blankets, even Zuko. He also grabbed his small bag of belongings and brought it back to the main hall. Better to be ready when the time comes. By his calculations, they should have left already, but the thought of having to remind Sokka that the fire nation was coming to tear him away from his father again was not a position he was willing to bear. 

Despite Sokka’s best efforts to stay awake and swap stories in the dark, he fell asleep very quickly, before anyone else actually. Restful slumber came to everyone else shortly after, save for Zuko, tucked tightly under his blanket, listening through the rain for snoring. His own breathing slowed and his eyelids felt heavy, but his mind still stirred, running rampant with memories and feelings that he couldn’t even keep up with. In the dark, he slipped away, stepping as lightly as Chenna had shown him all those years ago, climbing the hanging rope he had used to enter the temple with the grace of the dancers from Ember Island, until he crested the cliff to the flatlands above. For miles and miles, he could see empty flats in one direction, and when he turned, the forest rolled beneath him like an ocean, waves of branches tossing about for as far as he could see. Swan owls breeched the surface of the leaves like so much foam on a storming sea. The moon was piercingly bright in the sky, a dazzling display that he had to squint against in the dark. Cold bits of sky landed on his skin, now pins and needles wherever they hit, and he closed his eyes. He could feel the droplets running down his body, from his hair, onto his face and neck, tracing new veins along his skin until finally pouring into the earth. The lightest breeze brushed against him, and suddenly he was very cold and heavy under the weight of the sky, but he remained. He tried to count every drop as it touched him, but it was as pointless as trying to count the holes they left behind in the sky. It was as pointless as trying to count the times that Sokka had touched him, and left a hole within him when he stopped. 

Was this what people sang about? And wrote poems and plays and symphonies about? Was this what it was to crave someone’s touch? For so long he had pulled away, from every hug and brush of shoulders. The only touch he had known for so long was the force of an enemy’s fist, the crack of a warrior’s bones, the pain of a father’s hand, but it was like a new sun had risen. He had been reborn under the weight of a chest pressed to his, new life breathed into him by a boy with the sky in his eyes. It must have been raining on the day he was born, raindrops finding their way into his soul, tempering him with the freedom of the heavens. Every time their hands met, their skin burning hot against one another, Zuko could feel it seeping into him, chipping away at the chains that had held him from the day he was born. An ache seized his chest. Perhaps the right touch could break them altogether. Perhaps if he could feel him again and again and again they would break. If he could press their hands, their chests, their lips together, he would be free. He would be so free that his own eyes would crack, gold pouring out down his cheeks to reveal bits of fallen sky. 

He had been shattered and pieced back together so many times, and he would not drop the fractured shards of himself in the hands of someone he loved and ask them to love him back, when he couldn’t even do that himself. When he still felt the years of indoctrination telling him that he was wrong for loving someone like him, someone so blue. Zuko blinked and looked out into the storm, his lit fire eyes scorching his skull. Craning his neck, he looked up towards the rain, and tried to catch the sky as it fell. Maybe he could. Maybe a drop would splash noiselessly in his eyes, extinguishing the fire in his soul. He could return to the temple with blue in him and this burning in his chest would finally be gone. He could look at the other blue eyes and not crave the way it felt to be looked at by them. By Sokka. It was not a comfortable thing: the unfamiliar longing to be anything to another person. He would be anything that Sokka wanted him to be, just so long as he could be seen by him. Touched by him. Loved by him. He would tear down his walls that had protected him for so long if it meant he could be known by him. But he couldn’t. No, he couldn’t. To be known by him would be torture when he decided that person was someone he’d rather not know. To be seen and touched and loved in the time of war when he carried the burden of its conception was cruel to those whose chances to be seen and touched and loved were stolen by it. To love someone when they would not be able to rest together would be a punishment he was not willing to inflict. Where could they go, in a world poisoned by the fire nation, where he would not face ironic justice, the hatred of his people that had hurt so many, coming to ruin him once more? Where could they, together, be gentle?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> generalteiaorgana on tumblr


	27. We would even have to say goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is short but i've been having serious block. Like it was absolutely torturous to write this chapter for some reason and i had to completely delete it like three times cause it was just unsalvageable and i need to stop looking at it and put it out of my hands before i can move on so here

In all honesty, Zuko could barely remember the battle. He remembered being woken from sleep by the sound of an attack, which was something that he had, regrettably, gotten used to. He didn’t even know what was going on, all he knew was that he could hold her off. At least long enough for his friends to escape. It was okay. He had already lived a few days longer than he had expected, fully convinced he was going to die on the boiling rock. Maybe now there would be room for Hakoda to escape with his family. Suddenly, like the flames of hell rising up, Azula, stood atop her own warship, rose into view, a wicked smile on her terrifying face. She had seemed too happy to see him. Her good mood could only mean one thing, she was fresh from the hunt, from the kill. His mind had spun, one thought filling his head: Mai.

_“What are you smiling about?” He shouted. Her grotesque smile was more like a wild animal baring it’s teeth as it grew in response to Zuko’s question._

 _“You mean it isn’t obvious yet, Zuzu?” Every muscle in Zuko’s body was tensed, pulled back like a spring, just waiting. “I’m about to celebrate becoming an only child!”_

That was the last thing he remembered clearly before falling. It was louder than he expected. Falling, that is. The wind rushing past his ears as he plummeted was the loudest thing he had ever heard before. The sky twisted around him, clouds rushing past his head. He had never realized before how cold clouds were. Desperately he tried to focus, the wind ripping tears from his eyes, when he saw the large form of Appa, and on his back a blue clad figure was reaching for him. Sokka. His fingers wrapped around a forearm and even falling, even upside down, beaten and bruised from a fire fight, Zuko could tell that it wasn’t Sokka. It was someone smaller, someone who he had thought would let him keep falling. Katara’s hand tightened around Zuko’s arm and he felt himself drawn into the saddle, safe from the pull of gravity. He barely had a moment to take a breath before he remembered his sister, his baby sister, his would be murderer, was still falling. She didn’t have group of friends to save her. Maybe she would if she didn’t kill them. Zuko couldn’t help notice the absence of Ty Lee in this attack. The falling form of Azula was getting smaller and smaller as they moved farther and farther apart. Ty Lee must have pleaded with her, tried a little too hard to save Mai, and paid the price for her insolence, and now there she was. Falling to the earth from a thousand feet, no one left to save her. 

“She’s not gonna make it.” Zuko whispered, more to himself than anyone else. His heart twisted and pulled. It was as if every emotion at once had claimed his head, and all he could do was stare in awe as she sped through the air. Luckily, he didn’t have to figure out how he would feel if she had died. A blast of blue fire exploded from the soles of her feet and she attached herself to the mountainside, grinding to a slow halt before she was too far away for Zuko to see clearly anymore. “Of course she did.” Zuko turned away from where she was no doubt smiling after them. 

“Your sister is really starting to get on my nerves, Zuko.” Toph quipped, breaking the silence that had settled over them for the last hour. “I mean, she killed Aang, blew up the air temple, and woke me up! Does she have any idea how early it is? Ever heard of beauty sleep in the fire nation?” she yelled, tossing a disrespectful gesture Zuko’s way.

“I can’t speak for Azula, but clearly Pretty Boy knows all about it.” Sokka added, the somber blanket beginning to lift. 

“Pretty boy?” Aang, Katara, and Toph asked in stereo, their voices filled with a mixture of disgust and confusion. Suki snickered.

“Oh, that’s a nickname he picked up in prison, courtesy of Chit Sang.” She giggled.

“Yeah, well it’s still better than what Azula calls me.” He hated ‘pretty boy’ but not anywhere as much as he hated the sickening moniker that his little sister had taunted him with. 

“What does she call you?” asked Suki, clearly disbelieving that anything could be worse.

“Zuzu.” A moment of silence passed through the group and Zuko tried to read the shared look jumping from person to person, feeling very much like he was missing something. “What?” 

“Um…..Why don’t you just call her ‘Zuzu’ back?” Sokka might as well have sprouted wings, the look Zuko gave him would have fit just as well. 

“Yeah, her name is Azula. If anything it suits her name more than yours. Ah-zuuuuu-la” Aang added with a shrug. Even Katara nodded, like this was not the most mind blowing information Zuko had ever received. 

“I…..” There were simply no words. Her name was A _zu_ la. “I guess I never thought about it.” The stupid name had always made him so mad that he could barely think straight. It never occurred to him that he could simply just. Call her ‘Zuzu’ too. He sat, wide eyed, completely silent, until they landed on an island, a full day’s ride from the temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stupid chapter. bane of my existence. i do enjoy Zuko being too angry to realize he could simply just call her that too.


	28. If the world was ending you'd come over right.

He didn’t mean to run into her. He had come around the rock and she was in his blind spot. He stepped back and examined the situation. Suki was near Sokka’s tent. Coming or going, he couldn’t tell, but she had a strange look on her face. Maybe he was about to interrupt something. Of course. She had felt herself falling out of love with him so she was going to his tent to try and rekindle the romance.

“Sorry, did you need to talk to Sokka too?” She pinched her mouth into a tight line.

“Nope! Not me.” She very nearly ran away and Zuko shrugged in the darkness. Perhaps she was going to wait till after he was done talking to Sokka. That was nice. He didn’t want to be anywhere near this tent when they were rekindling. He shuddered slightly and thought to himself that it must be colder than he realized. 

As he stepped into the tent, his eyes went wide and his jaw went slack. There were candles? No, not candles, just something on fire. And flowers. And Sokka. Zuko didn’t often see him with his hair down and his heart pounded in his chest at the sight. He was sitting cross legged in the middle of the room, staring at his hands. He jumped when Zuko came in, and Zuko wondered if he should have knocked. There was no door, but that was no excuse not to be polite. 

“Uh, sorry. Am I interrupting?” Sokka stared blankly at him for a moment, looking like he had just seen a ghost. 

“No!” Sokka cleared his throat. “No, I was just“, he looked around at the makeshift candles and flowers, clearly trying to explain them away “meditating.” Zuko sat down.

“I didn’t know you meditated.” Zuko was starting to forget what he had come in here for.

“I don’t. Usually but I thought I’d give it a shot. Ooooohhhhhhmmmmmm” he placed his hands upon his knees and chanted loudly. “oooooohhhhhhhm. Nope! I guess it doesn’t work. I’ll should just stick to sarcasm. So what’s on your mind?” His words poured out his mouth faster than Zuko could listen. 

“Uh right.” It took his brain a moment to catch up and remember that he had come in here for a very serious conversation. “I know this may seem out of nowhere, but I want you to tell me what happened to your mother.” Sokka straightened. 

“What? Why would you want to know that? Is this because you told me about your dad?” Zuko pulled back.

“What? No.” Zuko could feel his skin start to itch uncomfortably. This was all wrong. He must have disturbed Sokka or something. All he needed to do was get the information he needed and get out. “No I just think that it has something to do with why Katara hates me. She mentioned it when we were imprisoned in Ba Sing Se together and again just now when she was yelling at me.” Sokka averted his eyes, and Zuko wished he had never come in here. 

“It’s not a day I like to remember.” Zuko listened silently as Sokka described the day, probably the worst day of his life. Even his own heartbeat felt too loud, pounding in his ears, and he unwittingly held his breath. “Many of the warriors had seen the black snow before, and knew what it meant: a fire nation raid. We were badly outnumbered, but somehow we managed to drive them off.” Zuko imagined the terror that must have torn through Sokka when years later, the only warrior in the village, he saw the black snow again as Zuko’s ship made landfall. Zuko choked back the sick feeling in his stomach and focused on Sokka’s every word. “As quickly as they came, they just left. I was so relieved when it was over, but that’s because I didn’t know yet what had happened. I didn’t know we’d lost our mother.” Sokka pulled his knees close to his chest and hid his face under a curtain of soft brown hair. 

“I’m sorry.” His apology rang hollow in his own ears and he reminded himself why he was doing this. “Do you remember any details about the soldiers who raided your village? Like what the lead ship looked like?” Sokka stared at the ground, refusing to make eye contact. 

“Yeah, sea ravens. The main ship had flags with sea ravens on them.” Zuko recognized the icon.

“The symbol of the Southern Raiders. Thanks, Sokka.” Sokka nodded, still in a somber haze, but at least now he was looking at Zuko.

“No problem.” A silence settled over the two of them and Zuko wondered if he should find Suki and tell her he was done, but something in Sokka’s eyes made him stay just a moment longer. 

“Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?” Zuko tried to dive deep into Sokka’s eyes, figure out what he was thinking, but for the first time, he couldn’t see a thing. It was like reaching for a step in the dark only for there not to be one, his foot falling through the empty space and for a moment he lost his breath. Sokka bit his bottom lip and Zuko was grateful that he wasn’t standing, for he would have most certainly fallen. 

“No.” Zuko expected, or rather hoped, that there would be more to that answer, but there wasn’t. It was simply a no, and so he stood without another word and started to leave the tent. Suddenly, he felt a hand grab his left arm. He turned, blind until he was facing Sokka completely, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Or rather what he felt. It was burning, like fire. He had been struck by lightning once. It tore through his body, cracked his bones, and peeled his skin, but he had never felt electricity like this before. Every single nerve in his body was alight with heat and power and the sensation nearly made his knees give out. He had never been kissed quite like this. Strong warm hands were gripping the sides of his face, pulling him in closer, as if he would ever pull away. His own hands were numb at his sides, his entire being was focused on the way soft hot lips felt on his own. 

All too soon, it was over. His eyes were closed but he was sure that his body must be crackling with lightning, his skin glowing an eerie blue, branches of electricity desperately reaching out towards Sokka. He could have stayed there forever, bristling with power, lost in this moment. Real world be damned. But the rough hands that were holding him close were starting to slip, tracing his jawline until finally, finally, they were gone. Zuko’s eyes fluttered open and those infuriating, unreadable blue eyes were staring back at him. He wasn’t sure what was next. Sokka didn’t say a word and Zuko felt like he would explode if he had to endure it for even one second more. Without a sound, he turned and started out of the tent, and this time, he made it all the way through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real life research was done on the sensation of kissing someone you love, for science of course and i got to say. there is a not a single sentence in this world that could do it justice


	29. Right?

**Sokka**

“To Zuko. Who knew after all those times he tried to snuff us out, today, he’d be our hero?” the warm liquid in his cup sloshed against the rim as he thrust it out to punctuate his toast. 

“Hear hear.” The group replied. Zuko’s face was casted over with dancing shadows from the bonfire. It matched his eyes. In this moment, he looked so normal. If Sokka hadn’t experienced the past year of fighting against the crazed fire nation prince, he would never have known that it was the boy sitting in front of him, smiling and joking. 

“I don’t deserve this.” The earnest way he said that made Sokka’s grip on his cup tighten. He knew that Zuko really thought that didn’t deserve this. A streak of anger flashed over him as he remembered the way that Zuko spoke, so quietly, about the day he got his scar. The cruelty he endured was so personal. His own father. Sokka couldn’t imagine Hakoda ever raising a hand to anyone that wasn’t threatening him or his family, let alone an innocent 13 year old child, his own son. Sokka and Katara had lost so much at the hands of the fire nation, but so had Zuko. 

“Yeah, no kidding.” Katara sounded angry as she rose and began slinking away.

“What’s with her?” Sokka asked aloud to no one in particular. Anyone with an answer would do. 

“I wish I knew.” Zuko had risen as well, and was now following her into the darkness, a sullen look on his face. 

“What’s with him?” He looked around at the group. Suki looked nervous, Aang looked upset, and Toph. Well, Toph was Toph. 

“Oh don’t mind them. They’ve been high on drama since day one. Zuko talked to me about it, but he didn’t take my advice.” Sokka felt a strange weight in his chest.

“When did he talk to you about it?” 

“I don’t know. Before your little field trip to the boiling rock, which I still don’t forgive you for. Why?” Sokka wasn’t sure why. For some reason though, it pinched that Zuko was talking to other people about stuff that he also talked to Sokka about. Was his advice not good enough? He had thought that he was Zuko’s confidant. 

“No reason.” He took a long sip from his cup. It was some kind of juice drink from Kyoshi Island. It was supposed to be served cold according to Suki, and also made with a different type of berry, but they made do with the things they had found on the island. It had suddenly lost its appeal. He poured it out beside him and stretched loudly. “I guess I’m gonna turn in.” He turned to Suki and leaned in to whisper. “You know which tent I’m in if you are feeling not very tired.” He said with a wink. As he made his way to his tent he thought about how he had planned his reunion with Suki. There would be rose petals everywhere and maybe some candles. They would find somewhere far away from the group and he’d finally figure out how tongues were involved in kissing. He had come across some red flowers earlier when scavenging for food and snuck a pocketful back to his tent. A few dried sea sponges would work as makeshift candles and a perfect night of romance could commence. He had just finished setting up his romantic themed tent when Suki pulled back the flap of fabric that acted as a door. 

“Ah! Perfect timing. What do you think?” He grinned largely, and gestured to his handiwork. Suki surveyed the tent.

“Wow, Sokka. Very nice. Where did you find candles?” 

“They’re actually dried sea sponges. They don’t burn as long and can give off a weird smell, but they work well enough.” Suki giggled and pulled her arms close to her chest. “Are you cold?” 

“A-a little.” She knelt down in front of Sokka and he reached out to rub his hands vigorously up and down her goosebumped arms. Her skin was cold to the touch and Sokka realized with a start that he had gotten so used to touching Zuko’s skin, which was usually hot to the touch, that he didn’t expect her to be so cool. 

“Too bad Zuko isn’t here. He’s like a personal bonfire.” Something flashed in Suki’s eyes and Sokka pulled his hands back to himself. “What’s wrong?” Suki furrowed her eyebrows, a smile still plastered on her face.

“What do you mean?” 

“Something is up. I can read it in your eyes.” Suki ran her hands up and down her arms, trying to stay warm in the absence of Sokka’s hands. 

“You can read it in my eyes? Since when are you an expert in that?” Sokka shrugged. 

“Zuko taught me. Or, I guess I learned from Zuko is a more accurate statement. He never tells me anything so I had to learn how to tell what he’s feeling by looking in his eyes.” An image of Zuko’s eyes flashed in his mind and he fought back a gentle smile. 

“Oh.” Suki looked conflicted. “That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.” Sokka fiddled nervously with a loose thread on his tunic. “You see…” her hesitation made Sokka even more nervous. “You and Zuko have gotten really close these past few weeks.” Sokka tried to understand where she was going with this. “And that’s great. He’s a good guy, and he’s come really far from the guy that he was when he burned down my village.” Sokka rolled his eyes.

“Is that what this is about? Do you still have a problem with Zuko? I thought you guys were good now. Did Katara talk you into hating him again?”

“No, Sokka. I like Zuko. Just maybe not in the same way you do.” Her voice was quiet like she was spilling some big secret, but Sokka was having trouble understanding just what about this was secret. 

“Well I mean he and I are guys so we’re going to have a different kind of friendship. We talk about things we can’t really talk about with girls. And we’re the same age almost so that makes sense. I still don’t see what the problem is.” Before Sokka could process what was happening, Suki had sat forward, leaning her palms on his knees, and pressing her lips to his. Even her mouth felt cold. He didn’t pull away from the pressure of her on him, but for some reason, he didn’t lean into it either. She pulled away and sat back on her heels, staring at him. Sokka felt strange. He should have been ecstatic, heart racing and palms sweating like the first time he had kissed her, but in all honestly, it felt more like a handshake than a kiss. There was no feeling like his heart was going to jump out of his chest, the desperate longing for just another second more. It was just her lips mushed up against his. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what there was to say. Melancholy was twisted into Suki’s expression and Sokka couldn’t understand why she seemed to know why he wasn’t feeling like he had expected. 

“I didn’t feel it either. I don’t know how much you know about Avatar Kyoshi. She was an amazing avatar, incredibly powerful and kind and open minded. Did you know that her greatest love was a woman?” Sokka didn’t respond. It seemed like more of a rhetorical question. “Well, I’ve always known that I was like her a little bit in that way. You were the first boy I ever thought that I could like in that way, but I’m starting to think that you were just someone who was new and exciting and made me laugh. And you are my best friend and I love you, but I don’t want to kiss you. And I don’t think you want to kiss me either.” Sokka felt like every part of his body was frozen in this moment.

“But, I love spending time with you, and you made me laugh and taught me all about fighting with fans. I thought I did want you to be my girlfriend but you’re right. When you just kissed me it didn’t feel like anything. It just felt like our lips were touching.” Sokka furrowed his brow. “Wait. What do you mean you don’t like Zuko in the same way I do? Do you think I like Zuko?” Suki pressed her lips together and raised her eyebrows. “I don’t like Zuko like that. We’re just friends.”

“Sokka. I know you. You talk about him all the time.”

“Well what else is there to talk about, you know everyone else!” 

“You compliment him all the time.”

“Well he’s really talented at fighting.”

“You call him pretty boy.”

“Is it my fault if he is a pretty boy? I can’t help it!”

“Sokka, all I’m saying is you aren’t the only one who knows how to look in someone’s eyes and see what they’re feeling.” She grabbed his hands and held them in her own. They were so strong and she had callouses in the strangest places from her fans. “And when you talk about Zuko, you get the same look in your eye that Aang gets when he talks about Katara.” Sokka huffed out a breath. It felt like his chest was so full of air that he might float away. He looked into Suki’s beautiful brown eyes that he had dreamed about for so long, and didn’t want to lose himself in them the way he once had. He wanted to look at her, but he also didn’t mind looking away. “I think I’m gonna go. You need some time to think.” She cupped his cheek in her cold, strong hand. He closed his eyes as she planted a soft kiss on his forehead and he smiled, grateful that there was still love between them, even if it hadn’t been the kind he had expected. “Good night Sokka. And-” he looked up at her, heart in his throat, “for what it’s worth, I think he might like you too.”

The makeshift door fell closed behind her, and he was alone with his thoughts. He thought of the feeling of the white makeup as Suki smeared it across his face, snickering Kyoshi warriors looking over her shoulder. He thought of the way that she didn’t even break a sweat defending herself when he tried to fight her the first time. He thought of the way she wrapped her arms around him in the boiling rock when he snuck into her cell. Each memory brought a smile to his face, but that was the extent of feelings. He had been so busy being impressed with her that he didn’t realize that it didn’t mean that he was in love with her. 

A noise outside the tent made him blink and lose track of his thoughts of Suki, and though he had never realized it before, they drifted to Zuko, like they always did. He thought of the feeling of white makeup as he smeared it across his face, preparing to face the fire nation ships all those months ago. He thought of the way that Zuko didn’t even break a sweat defending himself when he tried to fight him the first time. He thought of the way that Zuko kneeled in front of them and offered himself up as prisoner. And he thought of the way that Zuko must have kneeled in front of his father, offering himself up even as his father burned away his face. He thought of every touch, every lingering look, every bead of sweat that rolled down his spine when they sparred. He thought of the way that he moved, his grace when fighting, his silent steps. He thought of the weight of Zuko’s body as it swung out over the boiling lake after risking his life to make sure they all got out safely, even if he might not. He thought of the way that Zuko looked protecting him from blazing fire with just a flick of his wrist. He had been so busy being impressed with him that he didn’t realize that it meant that he was in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so in case there was confusion, yes i meant to post the chapters in this order even though this one takes place before the last one. I wanted it to be as suprising for my readers as it was for Zuko.


	30. I know you think I got it all figured out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i'm out of lyrics but not quite out of story. It kinda works though, now that the k*ss has happened. Its a new song.

“Hey Zuko, where you going?” Aang’s voice just barely registered in his head. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he knew he was going to get there fast. He wasn’t quite running, but certainly not walking either. One foot then another, over and over, and maybe things would make sense. The ground was soft beneath his feet and he felt like he was weightless. He walked until he met the ocean on the far side of the island, and for a moment, considered stepping out onto the calm sea, convinced that he would not even break the surface of the water. He would just glide along atop the waves, ripples expanding out from where his feet touched, and he could walk until he made it to wherever he was going to. Instead he waited at the water’s edge, gentle waves just barely lapping against the soles of his shoes, and stared out. He couldn’t see anything. They were alone out here. And still, not alone enough. There were too many people on this island to even consider going back. They would look him in the eyes and they would know. They would know things that he didn’t know. That seemed to be happening a lot. He had so many questions and every time he thought he had finally gotten an answer it turned out to be more questions in disguise. Why did Sokka kiss him? Would Katara ever forgive him? Did Mai suffer when Azula killed her? Did Ty Lee? Where was Uncle? Why was he chosen to escape to this island with the gang, when Hakoda was left behind? Where would they go from here? How was Aang going to defeat the firelord? Why did he feel this way? Why would he give anything to march right back into Sokka’s tent and kiss him again, touch him, pull him close and never let go? 

It was more instinct than anything else. He had been holding in so much his soul felt like it was filled to the brim, an overrunning teacup trying to hold in an ocean. The scream hurt his throat and fire sprang from his mouth, burning against his tongue. The ocean was unfazed. His outburst floated through the air like smoke dissolving in the wind. He couldn’t even hear himself over the sounds of the water crashing along the rocky shores, the sound of night filling his ears. There was a time when his anger was the only way he could breathe fire, but now he wasn’t angry, and he was reminded about how far he had come. Once upon a time, he was just a child, begging his uncle to be let into the war meeting. Then he was a broken discarded fool, a banished prince, a relentless threat. Now, standing on this beach, he was calmed but lost, surrounded and lonely, wishing that Sokka was there and that he could never have to see him again. Being at war with himself was the only thing familiar about his life as it stood. Everything else was new and shining. 

Zuko replayed the event in his head. He followed Katara. They talked. He went to go see Sokka. Suki was there. She must have been leaving his tent then? Maybe they had talked? And she told Sokka about her suspicions? The ones she shared with Zuko in the boiling rock, in the closet. It must have been a test. Sokka was testing him to see how he reacted. If he had kissed him back, then he would be confirming what Suki had thought. What Toph and Mai thought. What then? What could he possibly gain by finding that out? Zuko felt hot tears burn in his eyes. Maybe it was all a lie. A trick to get him to make a fool of himself, as repayment for the betrayals he had committed against the group. He would open up, bare his soul, trust Sokka the way Katara had trusted him in the catacombs, and then cast him out. They didn’t consider things like that to be a big deal in the water tribe, but they all knew how much he cared about his honor and being fire nation, it would be a bigger deal to Zuko than to Sokka. They probably all cooked it up together. He squeezed his eyes shut as tight as they would go. He was still a fool. 

The cold breeze sent a chill up his spine. No matter how much he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t actually stay there forever. He wondered if Sokka would have told everybody by now. He hoped not. At the very least, he wanted to help Katara before he was shunned. It wouldn’t be much, but maybe he could finally repay his debt by helping her, and then he would be able to live with himself. He would be able to sleep knowing that he had helped the people he had hurt and tried to change. They didn’t owe him forgiveness, his behavior wasn’t contingent on that. He searched the horizon. Uncle would be proud. The thought gave him strength and he finally found his feet walking him back to camp. The walk seemed longer on the way back than it did on the way there, but his mind was still and clear the whole time. This was his penance and he would take it as he always had. 

The camp was silent and still by the time he made it back, the sky black as pitch and starless. With nothing else to do, he sat on a large stone outside of Katara’s tent. The hours dragged on, and every time he heard the slightest sound he jumped, ready to face whoever was to be the one to tell him. But no one came. At one point, Aang wandered out of his tent over the ridge, and returned a few minutes later, not even glancing in Zuko’s direction. It was chilly but Zuko didn’t much feel like warming himself. He let the cold seep into his core, and settle, until the sun cast its rays onto his face and Katara finally pulled back the flap to her tent, glaring at him the moment she spotted him. 

“You look terrible.” He felt terrible. It was a matching set. 

“I waited out here all night.” He rubbed his tired eyes and tried to ignore the sounds of the other members of camp starting to stir. Katara started combing her hair with her back turned to Zuko.

“What do you want?” So many things. But that wasn’t important right now. 

“I know who killed your mother.” She paused. “I’m going to help you find him.” She turned and glared. He would be intimidated if he wasn’t so distracted and exhausted. Without another word, she took off towards Aang, who was absent mindedly petting Appa and saying something to Sokka that Zuko couldn’t hear from this distance. The sight of Sokka, wolf tail returned, and arm wraps back as they should be, made his heart skip a beat. Katara’s step didn’t falter and Zuko followed, deliberately avoiding looking at the boy sitting up against the rock. 

Katara was talking to Aang. She wanted to borrow Appa. He wanted to know why. At some point, Zuko’s name was mentioned and suddenly Sokka was there, standing beside Aang, looking at Katara. Zuko stared at the ground and clenched his hand to stop it from shaking nervously. As subtly as he could, he stole a glance. Sokka was staring at Katara wide eyed. She was yelling and Zuko was grateful that she was force of nature. It was drawing Sokka’s attention away from him and he was able to catch his breath and listen to what everyone was shouting about. 

“She needs this Aang. This is about getting closure and justice.” Aang furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Zuko with the closest thing to a scowl Zuko had ever seen from him.

“I don’t think so. I think it’s about getting revenge.”

“Fine! Maybe it is. Maybe that’s what I need. Maybe that’s what he deserves.” Aang’s breath hitched, hearing Katara scream.

“Katara, you sound like Jet.” Zuko knit his brows together. How did Aang know Jet? Were they talking about Ba Sing Se Jet? How many Jets could there really be? 

“It’s not the same! Jet attacked the innocent.” Sure sounded like the same Jet. “This man, he’s a monster.” Katara turned on Aang and Zuko was glad to not be on the receiving end of her fury for once. 

“Katara, she was my mother too. But I think Aang might be right.” It was the first time Sokka had spoken during this ordeal and the sound of Sokka’s voice sent shivers up Zuko’s neck.

“Then you didn’t love her the way I did!” Zuko had dealt in cruelty before, and he heard it now in Katara’s words. Zuko flinched at the way Sokka whispered her name, shocked that she could say something like that. The memory of last night played in Zuko’s head. The pain in Sokka’s face, the way he wouldn’t even look Zuko in the eyes. There are some days that can break a person, and that was a day that broke Sokka. That much was clear. 

“The monks used to say that revenge was like a two headed rat viper. While you watch your enemy go down, you’re being poisoned yourself.” Zuko was going to be grateful to not have to hear Aang’s monkisms after they threw him out of the group. 

“That’s cute. But this isn’t air temple preschool. It’s the real world.” Zuko could see Sokka staring at him out of the corner of his eye and wished that he wouldn’t. 

“Now that I know he’s out there, now that I know we can find him, I feel like I have no choice. “

“Katara you do have a choice: forgiveness.” Zuko ran his hand through his hair. 

“That’s the same as doing nothing!” Aang turned on him. 

“No it’s not. It’s easy to do nothing. It’s hard to forgive.” 

“It’s not just hard. It’s impossible.” The finality of her statement was clear as she turned and began to leave. Zuko started to follow when he heard it. 

“Did you put her up to this? I thought you were past all of this stuff!” Aang was yelling at him. 

“What ‘stuff’? Making things right?” 

“You were going to take her to kill somebody! She’s not a murderer.”

“That man killed her mother. He deserves it!” Aang looked like he was about to say something, but Sokka’s quiet voice unnerved them both. 

“Zuko, Katara hurting the man that killed our mother won’t bring her back. And you helping her won’t bring yours back either.” Zuko finally gathered the courage to look at Sokka and the minute he did, he was overcome. It was like they were the only two people on the planet and as much as he tried to force it down, the memory of a warm kiss tore through his brain, leaving phantom heat on his lips. “I know you lost your mother too, and you can’t make the person who did it pay. But helping Katara live out your fantasy for revenge isn’t good, for either of you.” Zuko’s teeth were about to crack, his nails were digging painfully into his palms and he wondered how much longer could he stay like that without drawing blood. 

“That’s not what this about.” He hadn’t realized that his statement was a lie until he said it. His chest deflated and he stared at the ground, feeling numb. “I just want to make things right before…” He let his sentence trail off, not ready to face things yet.

“Before what, Zuko?” Zuko had forgotten Aang was there and he suddenly felt silly. Looking at the young boy in bright orange robes he realized that there was no way that he would ever do something like what Zuko had concocted in his head. The earnest grey eyes staring back at him could never be so deceitful. That meant that the kiss. It wasn’t a trap. It wasn’t a trick. It was just, a kiss. Zuko looked over at Sokka, who looked equally as confused and concerned. _Oh._ His throat was dry and he swallowed hard. 

“Uhh, before the firelord tries to take over the world?” Zuko ventured that the end of the world was a valid answer. Aang seemed to think so. He averted his eyes and took a centering breath. 

“Don’t worry Zuko. I will defeat him, and you’ll have plenty of time to make things right.” Zuko nodded. He had been so wrapped up in everything that he had almost forgotten that the world was ending. Funny what a kiss can do.


	31. Cause I walk around like my head's in the clouds

An hour. Maybe. That was all the time he had managed to spend alone, hidden from people he didn’t want to confront. But it was hard to hide, hardest of all from the one blind person on the island. Ironically. The only reason he had made it this long was because Toph slept in much later than everybody else. 

“Okay, what the heck did I miss? Katara is brooding over in her tent, Aang and Sokka are not messing around and you are hiding up a rock formation way outside of camp. Spill.” He was indeed pretty high up. Probably fifteen or twenty feet. He considered just staying up here before remembering that he was literally sitting on a pile of rocks in front of a master earth bender. He sighed and climbed down, sitting with his back up against one of the smoother boulders. Toph dropped next to him and he rubbed that back of his head, not even sure where to begin. 

“Katara wants to go find the man who killed her mother.” Silence. “And I might have told her I know how to find him.” Silence. “And Aang says that revenge isn’t the way but he doesn’t know everything just because he’s the avatar. Katara needs this.” Silence. “Are you going to say anything?” 

“I will when you tell me what really going on.” Zuko snarled at the all-knowing girl. 

“I just told you what’s going on. Isn’t that enough?” 

“Not when it’s clear that you’re hiding something!” All he could do was roll his eyes and sigh. He hadn’t planned on telling anyone what had happened until he talked to Sokka about it, but he also planned on never talking to Sokka about it, which made it a little circuitous.

“I think Sokka might like me.” 

“How can you tell?”

“He kissed me.” Those three words were all it took to raise Toph to her feet, throwing her hands up towards the sky.

“What! Why didn’t you lead with that!” she screamed. Zuko put his hand out to try and quiet her before remembering for the thousandth time that the gesture was lost on her. Instead, he put his head in his hand and hoped that they were far enough away from camp to prevent Toph’s shouts from being heard. 

“Can you sit down?” with a huff, she flopped back down. “I didn’t say anything because I don’t understand. At first I thought it was some kind of prank but it doesn’t seem very funny to me.”

“I know you’re not exactly a master at humor, but I can assure you that it is not funny, and not something Sokka would ever do.” she reassured him. 

“I know that now, it was just a lot to process.” A breeze swept Toph’s bangs out of her face and Zuko wondered how she managed to get so wise. She had been kept hidden away, protected from the outside world as much as her parents could manage. Did illegal earth bending matches really offer that much in the way of prolific analytical thinking? “I went to see him to ask about his mother. I thought that Katara was connecting me to the death of her mother and I figured that I could help by finding the man who killed her. He told me what I needed to know and when I started to leave he just kissed me. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just left.” A thought hit him and his heart sank. He turned to face her and grabbed her shoulder, frantic. “Toph, how do they say goodbye in the water tribe? What if that was just a parting ritual for personal conversations?” His hand was shaking slightly and her head bobbed back and forth on her shoulders. 

“Easy Sparky!” He sheepishly removed his hand and she straightened her headband. “I’m pretty sure that kissing is strictly reserved for romantic-like things.” Zuko felt his cheeks heat up and he was grateful no one could see how red he gets when faced with romantic-like things. “So what now? Are you two boyfriends or what?” The question made Zuko’s throat feel tight. 

“I don’t have time for a…”his tongue gave out before he could say the word boyfriend. Even thinking of the word felt too loud and honest. “a relationship. Aang still has a lot of training before he is ready to defeat the firelord, not to mention my Azula trying to kill all of us at every turn. I don’t even know where my uncle is, or if he’s okay.” A weigh in his chest pulled his shoulders down, and he stared solemnly at his hands. “I’ve lost a lot of people because of this war, and I can’t help feel like I’m going to lose more before it’s over.”

“Zuko,” Toph started.

“How could I find happiness when so many have lost their’s because of me and my family? I’ll never be able to repay the debt that I have to Mai for what she did. All I can do now is honor her memory, and I can do that by making sure that the fire nation never hurts anyone the way it hurt us again. The way it hurt Katara and Sokka and Teo and Aang and everyone. No. I can’t.” He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. 

“Not _yet_.” Toph offered hopefully. Zuko nodded and flinched from the blunt force pain in his arm as Toph punched his bicep forcefully. A gesture of affection on her part. “So, you went with Aang to an abandoned ancient city to learn firebending, then you went to prison with Sokka and now you’re about to go on a mission of revenge with Katara. Seems like these field trips of yours are getting more and more intense.” That was very true and Zuko took a long breath, letting it fill his lungs to the point of bursting and releasing it as slow as a snail-sloth. “I can’t wait for mine!” she barked. The corner of Zuko’s mouth ticked upwards ever so slightly as he nursed his now bruised arm.

The rest of the day was spent on the far side of the island with Toph hiding from, well, everyone. For the most part, they were silent, just drinking in the company of one another. Zuko was used to uncomfortable silences, but these weren’t uncomfortable. Being around Toph was as easy as being around Uncle. She was completely unbothered by everything around her. The way she took things in stride was admirable and he knew that once this was all over, Toph and uncle would make a strange set of friends. Perhaps they would find a way to play Pai Sho together. Maybe textured tiles to represent the different icons. Zuko felt an ache in his chest at the thought of his missing uncle, and started to feel antsy. He wondered if Uncle would approve of his feelings towards Sokka. He wondered if Uncle knew, or even just suspected that his dear nephew was not fond of girls in the way that he was taught to be. He had traveled many places in his life, collecting bits of culture. He was a particularly tolerant man, but this may be beyond tolerance for a man born and raised in the fire nation. Zuko tried his hardest to recall if Iroh had ever shared in the particular brand of joking that the men tossed at each other when someone spoke too lightly or even just didn’t ogle distastefully at a woman. It didn’t seem to Zuko that he would hold hatred for anybody because of how they felt love, but the fear still gnawed at him. 

At one point, Toph cleared her throat at Zuko’s incessant pacing and he strayed farther down the beach to pick some of the red flowers that he had seen in Sokka’s tent the night before, hoping that he could make some tea with them. Now that he could see them up close, they were beautiful. A bright red with layered petals, and a texture like the finest velvet. It had a delicate fragrance that Zuko breathed deep, eyes closed, trying to memorize it. A memory stirred at the scent and he was able to recall a lesson from his youth. It was a school lesson, history specifically, that dealt with hanakotoba, the secret language of flowers. His teacher had fetched flowers that were out of season and from very far away for the lesson, but Zuko was far more interested in the secret code aspect than the flowers themselves. He recalled a blush rising up his neck at the sight of the cherry blossoms, the same color as those mesmerizing eyes he had spent so long trying to be seen by. The puffy white ones he had avoided all together. They were chrysanthemums, used for funerals, and the scent reminded him of death. There were some purple ones and some yellow ones and a different white one that looked like a cherry blossom but wasn’t. They meant things like loyalty, purity, respect, even goodbye. After an hour Zuko had thought the lesson was over when the door burst open, revealing the cherry blossom eyes he had been thinking about all day. The boy was holding a wooden box and teacher had thanked him for retrieving it. Zuko giggled at his teacher’s ignorance and placed his hand to his chin, pulling it away in a gesture that Chenna had said meant thank you. The boy smiled and knelt before Zuko, opening the plain package. Inside was a flower: red, with layered petals and a yellow stem. The fragrance was so delicate that he almost missed it as it wafted up around his head. Zuko took it in his hand and studied it carefully.

“What does this one mean?” he asked, already knowing the answer in his heart.

“Love.” She replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hanakotoba is a the japanese language of flowers, and i didn't even realize that the flower i had pictured when writing the scene before was a real flower and not only was it a real flower, it fucking means what i meant it to mean too so points to me for being right on accident. I was really excited to see that it wasn't just a western thing cause like. I love flowers. and the flower in question is called a camellia


	32. But I'm just a boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey i just wanted to say again that i'm so grateful for everyone who is reading and enjoying and commenting and leaving kudos. I am so blown away by the response and its really been nice to have this when it feels like the entire world is crashing down around me

She was quiet and Zuko looked over his shoulder to see Katara staring straight ahead at nothing, dark circles making her look much older than she should have at fourteen. None of them really looked like kids anymore. Children of war carried a weight that could be seen in the curves of their spines, the flex of their muscles, the look in their eyes as they strained under trauma and terrors as commonplace as the night. He wondered what she looked like before her mom died. 

“I know it’s not my place,” he started, unsure if he should even be speaking at all, “but I think your mom would be proud of you.” Katara cocked her head up and held his gaze. “I didn’t know her, but I don’t think she would want you to have to live with that. It never goes away.” There was no indication that she had even heard him, her unchanging stare like a statue. He felt uneasy and turned back forward, fiddling with Appa’s reins. 

“How would you know?” An image flashed behind Zuko’s eyes of Zhao. He hated him. He hated his arrogance and cruelty and the way that he was rewarded for those traits, but that didn’t stop Zuko from reaching out, begging him to take his hand as the water spirit carried him away. Stubborn fool couldn’t even do that right, and Zuko had to live with it every day that he could have saved him but didn’t. His uncle had tried to convince him that it wasn’t his fault, but he could never seem to stop dreaming about it. Maybe if he had reached farther, or been faster. But he hadn’t and a life had ended. 

“I know.” Was all he said, and Katara didn’t say anything more. They rode in silence for hours and hours until the sun starting slipping under the horizon, and the visage of the rocky island appeared. He could feel exhaustion starting to set in as Appa found a place by the beach to land. Zuko jumped down from the great furry beast and watched Katara wander to the end of the dock and sit on the edge. She was so small compared to the endless ocean that sat just past her tired shoulders. A knot formed in his chest as he stared. Pain and loss were old friends to someone so young. It reminded him of his own sister. She might be a homicidal monster, but she wasn’t always that way. The only reason he was here now and she wasn’t was because he wasn’t as good as she was. If he hadn’t been so clumsy and slow, maybe he would still be by his father’s side, fighting to kill the avatar and bring the world to kneel at the feet of the fire nation. Maybe if Azula hadn’t been so talented, she would have found peace in the way that he had. There was always too much going on to spend time wondering what if, but in this moment he indulged. 

He pictured Azula dressed in fire nation clothes, but not the metal lined, sharp edged uniform she wore. Soft silks that danced in the wind as she ran. It was hard to picture her smiling in a way that didn’t conjure up memories of her grinning wildly during an attack, but he tried his best. He pictured the two of them together on Ember Island, but this time, they wouldn’t burn down their family’s home or swap stories about how miserable their lives were. They would swim in the clear waters, diving underneath the waves and watch as they crashed over their heads. They would eat frozen fruit to cool them down when the sun got too hot and they would play volleyball. The game would end without the net on fire and he would playfully ruffle her hair as she sulked about losing. She would be indignant at the injustice, but he would laugh kindly and offer to play a game he was terrible at so she could win. He never had a normal childhood, and that was why he was the way he was, but she never had one either. None of them did. His great-grandfathers had seen to that.

As he was imagining Azula, but a little bit more like Katara or Toph, his thoughts turned to Aang. Aang was the only one who had started off normal. The only child in a hundred years to have known peace, even for a little bit, and now he was here, a century later and the last member of a dead culture. The bridge between worlds and the one destined to bring balance. He was only twelve. Zuko hadn’t even been burned yet. At that age, he was still impudent and precocious and believed in the superiority of the fire nation. He was still ‘a very handsome boy’ and the honorable crown prince. He would have failed. If he was the avatar, he would have failed. If he had woken up, a hundred years after the death of his people, with the world imploring him to fix its problems, not even yet a man, he would have failed. He failed even with everything going for him. He was rich and spoiled with the best teachers and the finest clothes. Food always filled his table and a roof was always his head. He knew love from his uncle, and respect from a nation, even a strange sense of it after his banishment, and he still let everybody down. The only comfort was from trying to change. He might have failed then, but with every fiber of his being he swore to himself that he would not fail now. He would make himself proud. He would make Uncle proud. He would make Aang proud. As he walked down the dock, his steps barely made any sound and when he spoke, Katara seemed to jump.

“Are you okay?” She didn’t turn.

“I’m doing fine. I didn’t hear you come out here.” He shrugged even though she wasn’t looking. 

“I’m light footed.” Her feet kicked at the water, and Zuko watched the delicate circles that grew, ever expanding until they vanished into nothing. 

“I wanted to do it. I wanted to take out all my anger at him but I couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too weak to do it or if it’s because I’m strong enough not to.” Zuko couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“Katara that was strength. You are one of the strongest people I know. When I captured you and tried to get to Aang by offering you your necklace, you didn’t even consider it. You didn’t show any fear and it frustrated me that you were so unwavering. You defeated me in the north pole,” _after I had been blown up, swam through the frozen ocean, and carried Aang through a blizzard_ he silently added “mastered water bending against all odds, and managed to never lose your kindness even through everything you have endured. My uncle taught me to never mistake mercy for weakness.” 

“Aang says that the first step to healing is forgiveness, but I don’t forgive him. I’ll never forgive him.” Zuko walked forward hesitantly and sat down next to her, his feet dipping lower than he would have preferred into the water. He focused on the ripples and hoped that Katara wouldn’t drown him for being too close. She was on his left and wouldn’t even see her bending until it was too late. 

“Well I’m not Aang,” She let out a little scoff. “and I think that not forgiving is something you can live with.” He felt her shift next to him and he looked up to see her icy blue eyes staring at him. Her face was softer than he had ever seen before, and it made him feel human. 

“Maybe when it comes to him. But not to you.” Without warning, she smiled and threw her arms around him. It was awkward, with both of them sitting, but Zuko wrapped his arms around her nonetheless, pulling her in tight under his chin. A strong instinct came over him, and he realized that he wanted to protect Katara. He wanted to make sure she grew up right. He wanted to protect Toph and Aang in the same way. He wanted to make sure that they didn’t know pain or loss, strife or violence. But this was a time of war, and he was too late. He swallowed and squeezed her tighter before letting go. A sweet smile was spread across her face and she suddenly looked a bit younger than she had before.


	33. With his heart pouring out of his head

“So, now that the group is all back together, I think there’s something we should talk about.” The morning fire they had used to cook breakfast was dying down and Zuko stared absentmindedly into the coals, avoiding eye contact with Sokka. Toph swallowed a large swig of camellia tea that Zuko had brewed and called out loudly. “Zuko.” He looked up at the sound of his name, chewing slowly. “Do you want to tell the group what we talked about the other day?” he ceased his chewing, eyes growing large. He swallowed his partially chewed breakfast with a painful grunt and coughed a little as it scratched his throat.

“What are you talking about?” his voice was even rougher than usual.

“You remember, you said that you and Sokka-“ Zuko jumped up, spilling his tea onto the grass. The gang all whipped their head around to stare at the abrupt gesture, except Toph who carried on oblivious to the disruption. “talked about going to a place from your childhood to hide out. What did you call it? Flame beach?” A wave of relief came over him, quickly followed by a wave of awkwardness as he realized he was still standing, tea spilt, breathing heavily with everyone’s eyes on him.

“Uh. Sorry. There was a spider-slug on my leg.” He quickly brushed a hand against his pant leg to corroborate his story. “There. It’s gone now.” Silently, he retook his seat and retrieved his now empty cup. “And it’s called Ember Island. I know of an abandoned house that we can hide in where no one will look for us. We can resupply and keep training. This place barely has anything to eat, and nowhere to really hide. If an airship flies overhead, we’ll be spotted long before we can escape.” Sokka nodded and Zuko let his eyes come to rest on the boy. He looked normal, like nothing in the world was wrong, except for a sadness in his eyes that was meant just for Zuko. It was clear that he was hurt by Zuko’s reaction, his desperation to make sure that no one knew what they had shared. 

“It would be safer to travel at night, but staying here even one more day is too risky. Everyone pack up and meet back on Appa in fifteen minutes.” Immediately, the group scattered like petals on a windy day, taking to their new tasks with an ease that came with familiarity. Sokka knelt down and started throwing handfuls of dirt onto the fire to smother it. Without thinking, Zuko brought his hands to his chest and slowly pushed them down, extinguishing the low flames. Sokka looked up from the now dead fire, but seemed to think better of it and averted his gaze almost as soon as Zuko looked back. 

“Thanks.” Sokka’s deft hands began putting the small cups and dented teapot back into the tattered canvas bag where they were kept. Zuko watched every movement with a rapture akin to the kind he experienced as a child, watching the dancers glide across the stage on Ember Island. The last cup disappeared into the bag and Zuko was released from the spell that Sokka didn’t realize he had cast. “Look,” Sokka stood, and slung the bag over his shoulder “I want to talk to you about the other night.” Zuko put his hands up, like he was trying to stop the words from coming. “No, please let me talk.” Hesitantly, Zuko relented. As much as he wanted to run, he wanted to stay more. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was feeling emotional from Suki dumping me, and she said some things that confused me and then you came in and asked about my mom. I got caught up in the moment and thought that you might have,” he rubbed the back of his head, a light flush coloring his cheeks “felt a certain way about me. But I was wrong and I wanted to say I’m sorry for assuming. After you left I remembered that the fire nation has some things against that kind of stuff and I never meant to offend you or anything.” Zuko bit the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming. There were so many wrong assumptions flooding out of Sokka’s mouth, begging to be refuted, but he couldn’t bring himself to correct a single one. In this moment he was made of glass, and the wrong move would shatter him into a thousand pieces.

“Suki mentioned in the boiling rock that she thought it might be over between you two.” Zuko was trying to pretend that he hadn’t hear a single word relating to what happened between them, and unfortunately, this was all that was left. Sokka’s face changed. 

“What? When did? Why would she tell _you_ that? You didn’t think to give me a little warning?” Sokka huffed and clenched his jaw, making the muscles in his face flex. “If that’s all you have to say then fine. Congratulations on knowing. I just wanted to let you know that it’s no one’s business what happened. I won’t tell anyone.” He pulled the sack on his shoulder a little closer and stomped towards his tent, wolf’s tail swinging violently. The feeling in Zuko’s fingers suddenly returned and every part of him was like a magnet, keeping him from slipping too far from the South Pole. Each step Sokka took, Zuko took too, until they were both standing at the threshold of his tent. “What?” What Zuko would not have given in that moment to pull Sokka inside, to have it be filled with flowers and candles and to kiss him back the way he wanted to that night and every night since. 

“Do you need help with your tent?” Sokka seethed at the question and began angrily folding the tarp.

“No Zuko, I don’t need your help.” Zuko turned. Of course Sokka didn’t need him. He quickly found his own tent and tore down the makeshift structure. With a heave, he secured it to Appa’s saddle and joined the rest of the group on the beast’s back. Aang shouted a command and they were off, soaring through the air. It was tight quarters, with five people in the saddle, and Zuko had his knees pulled to his chest. His arms were wrapped around his legs and his chin rested uncomfortably on his knee as he let his eyes lazily track the passing clouds. He was transfixed on a particularly soft looking one when he noticed Suki looking between him and Sokka with a furrowed brow. He looked to Sokka and found that he was already staring at him. This time, it was Zuko who looked away. 

The hours dragged on, and as the night’s blackness began to stain the sky, Sokka took over the reins, letting the rest of the group rest. All save for Zuko, for whom rest would not come. He sat with his back to Sokka, but at the front of the saddle, as close to him as he could. The loud snores emanating from Toph were stolen by the wind, and he almost laughed at the sight of her taking violent shaking breathes in, but without any sound reaching his ears. It almost looked like she was singing. He let his head roll back and saw millions and millions of tiny holes in the sky, and as he was trying to count them, he felt tiny drops of cold rain start to fall against his face and in his eyes. He blinked and felt like maybe, he could be free in the sky, in the night, in the silence. Twisting around, he pulled himself over the edge of the saddle and made his way next to Sokka, who didn’t acknowledge his presence, or the presence of the rain. It made sense. Someone so free didn’t need the rain the way he did. Didn’t crave it the way he did. Zuko stared, openly, unabashedly at the trails they left as they ran down Sokka’s face. He was so still, it was as if Zuko was staring at the painting that had burned before his eyes so long ago. A memory danced across his lips and he let the warmth melt some of the fear that was keeping his voice trapped.

“You didn’t offend me.” Sokka blinked, but still stared straight ahead. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Suki.” 

“It’s okay. We wanted different things. Different people.” Zuko swallowed hard. 

“What do they call people like you in the water tribe?” 

“Non-benders?” 

“No. What do they call it when a boy loves another boy?” Sokka turned and Zuko lost his breath at the sight of those eyes devoting everything they were to him.

“Love, Zuko. They call it love.”


	34. I wish that you could see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SERIOUSLY AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE RESPONSE TO THIS thank you all a thousand times over

“Wow. This house is huge.” Suki’s voice was all but swallowed in the cavernous front hall. The night outside was making it hard to see, so Zuko was going from lantern to lantern, lighting them with an uneasy softness, like too much noise might stir up the ghosts of days past. 

“Eh, it’s about the right size for a rich person to stay in for a night before claustrophobia sets in.” Toph countered. Suki rolled her eyes and began peeking under the dust cloths covering pieces of art.

“So whose house is this anyway?” Aang asked, admiring the smooth marble pillars.

“My father’s.” Instantly the entire group froze, except for Zuko who continued lighting a lantern, oblivious.

“You brought us to the firelord’s summer house?” Sokka’s shouting made Zuko look up from the wick. “Are you insane? What happens when he comes here and finds the avatar sleeping in his guest room?” 

“You have nothing to worry about. My family hasn’t been here since we were actually a family and not just a collection of weapons fashioned by my father.” He silently went back to work, illuminating the vast halls. It hadn’t been that long ago that he was roaming through them, picking pieces of his past life to burn in the bonfire he built to keep Ty Lee warm. She was definitely fibbing about being cold. It was a reflex flirt, and they both knew that she didn’t mean it, but he still smiled and made her a fire anyway. He never had friends of his own. Now he had five. Azula always had two. Now she had none. He pinched his lips together and tried to push the thought down.

“What’s that face for? You stub your toe or something?” Zuko turned to see Aang, bright orange like a flame in the middle of the hall.

“I’m just thinking about the last time I was here. I was sent away by my father with Azula and Mai and Ty Lee while he made war preparations. We played volleyball.” 

“Are those Azula’s friends?” Zuko sometimes forgot that not everyone knew of his past. 

“They were _our_ friends,” Zuko said defensively “from childhood. Azula went to school with them and they were around a lot. I even dated Mai for a while, before I became a fire nation traitor.” Aang scratched awkwardly at the back of his head.

“Oh. That’s nice.” Zuko walked over to look out the window. The ocean was just barely visible in the moonlight and he could almost make out the inlet where they all had sat and swapped nightmarish stories about their childhoods. “Do you think when this is all over, they will still be your friends?” Aang was next to him, staring out the window, looking at the same things, but not seeing them the same. Zuko sighed. It reminded him of when he had asked if they could be friends, in a different time. 

“I don’t think so,” was all he said, his voice quiet.

“Well why not? You and I used to be enemies and now look at us. Fire buddies!” Aang lit a flickering flame in his palm and offered it to Zuko lightly. Zuko felt like his chest was filled with stones. He didn’t want to hurt Aang, but he couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“When Sokka and I broke into the boiling rock, they recognized me. The warden was Mai’s uncle and he sent word that I was there. Azula and Mai and Ty Lee showed up right as we were trying to escape. We fought them off, but when they started to cut the gondola, there was nothing we could do. I was sure we were done for, but suddenly, the car started moving again. Mai stopped the guards and was helping us to escape. She betrayed Azula to save my life. All our lives.” Zuko had to pause to steady his breath. “I didn’t see what happened, but I know Azula, and I know that she wouldn’t have let Mai get away with that. And then when she attacked the air temple I noticed that Ty Lee was missing too. She was Mai’s friend, and probably tried to stop Azula, which makes her a traitor as well.” Aang’s silence was deafening. Even though he was a little kid, he wasn’t nearly as naïve as he led everyone to believe. 

“I’m sorry Zuko. It’s hard to lose people. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have your family be the ones causing your pain.” Zuko’s eyes were filled with tears, and he was doing everything in his power to make sure they didn’t fall. The voices in the other room were drifting through the air, and it made him feel less alone. A small hand gripped his shoulder gently and Zuko glanced over.

“Their sacrifices were not in vain. I won’t let them down Zuko. I promise.” Zuko believed him. He offered Aang a sad smile and they made their way side by side back down the hall to the rest of the gang. Sokka and Toph were noticeably missing and Zuko found himself face to face with the girls, who looked as if their conversation had just been interrupted. Katara leaned in and whispered something to Suki, which Suki laughed at.

“Well, maybe.” She replied to Katara. Zuko felt a chill run over his skin at the words he didn’t understand, but suspected were about him. She looked at Zuko with mirth in her eyes and he felt a little better that it was something not cruel, but maybe a little teasing. “I’m pretty tired. It’s been a long day. Could you show me where a good place to sleep is?” Zuko nodded and began leading her up the large spiral staircase to the bedroom floor. 

“There’s not enough for everyone to have their own like at the air temple. Unless someone wants to sleep in my dad’s room.” Suki made a horrified face and stuck out her tongue. 

“I’m not sleeping in the fire lord’s bed. And I can’t imagine anyone else will want to either. Even the door looks creepy.” Zuko stared at the extremely heavy ornate double doors that guarded the entrance to the fire lord’s sleeping chambers. He couldn’t imagine even touching them without a sick feeling in his stomach, like it might somehow conjure him. At that moment, the doors slammed open, sending Suki and Zuko into fighting stances. Zuko’s heart was in his throat as he tried to understand what was happening. He was about to summon a fireball when he saw the rich green of Toph’s outfit.

“You guys have GOT to see this. The floor has water from the hot spring running underneath it so it’s heated! Nice and toasty on my feet.” Toph had her arms out from throwing open the double doors, and a crazed smile on her face. 

“And just try this mattress! It’s like the wool one we made for Aang when he was going crazy, but better!” Sokka was reclined on the massive and opulent four poster bed, looking very out of place in the gold and red room. Zuko was still in a firebending stance, but with his jaw slack and eyes wide. He stole a glance at Suki who was in very much the same position. They shared an incredulous look before slowly returning to a normal standing position. She let out a small laugh.

“I guess not everyone thinks so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah its late and kinda short and nothing really happens but im sad so


	35. The pain that I've seen

“But everyone else is doubling up.” Aang whined. Zuko growled and put his hand on Aang’s bald head, preventing him from entering the bedroom.

“Then go sleep in one of their rooms.” Sokka and Toph had claimed the firelord’s chambers as their own, sleeping in the lavish bed and on the lavish floor respectively. Suki and Katara had doubled up in the guest bedroom, whispering and giggling as they closed the door. Zuko had felt a nervous sweat at the sight. He hoped that Suki wasn’t telling Katara about her suspicions from the boiling rock. He would have gone over and knocked on the door to talk to her and make sure she was staying quiet, but right now he had his hands full with the persistent twelve year old who wanted a bunk mate.

“Their rooms are full. Besides, it’s been a while since just you and I hung out. Come on, it’ll be like our journey to the Sun Warrior village. If you want I can sing you an air nomad lullaby.” Aang smiled his trademark smile and Zuko took the opportunity to slam the door in his face. The emptiness of the room made him feel uneasy and for a moment he considered relenting and letting Aang in, but he had already made a scene about slamming the door so he decided against it. A sigh escaped his mouth and he leaned up against the old creaking wood, surveying the gaudy red and gold decorations. Despite only being a summer home, the firelord had spared no expense in adorning the house with fire nation accoutrement. Thick red curtains hung down from the posters of his childhood bed and a layer of dust coated every surface. He took a moment before lifting himself off the door to steady himself, and then began walking around the room as if he was a patron in a museum about his own life. He touched nothing, but examined each trinket with a sick fascination. It didn’t even feel like him. He imagined the type of person that would have resided in this room. A self-centered person, one who cared only for his own happiness, and thought he deserved every luxury afforded to him. What a fool.

The bed was plush and he sank into it, choking back the feeling that he was in the fire nation again. The red and golds burned his eyes, and he could practically hear the voices of generals drifting into his room invading his brain. He fidgeted, turning wildly in the too comfortable bed, squeezing his eyes closed to block out the sensory nightmare. Everything was like a spiderfly web, the more he fought, the tighter the past seemed to cling and wrap around him. He clenched his fists and felt a phantom hand on his shoulder.

_”Mom?”_

_“Zuko, please my love, listen to me. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you.” His mother’s delicate hands pulled him into a close embrace. The fog of sleep had not yet lifted from his brain as he tried to understand what was happening. “Remember this Zuko: no matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.” She was slipping away, but his legs wouldn’t respond. He could do anything except watch her hooded figure disappear into the night._

“Mom!” Zuko screamed into the empty room. His breathing was loud in his ears and he hugged his knees tight to his chest. He was wondering if anyone heard him when the door quickly opened. Sokka was holding a lantern in one hand and his boomerang in the other. His hair was down, framing his face, and he had dark circles under his eyes.

“Zuko,” he whispered, brandishing the bone weapon.

“I’m alright. It was just a nightmare.” Sokka’s shoulders relaxed and he stepped in, closing the door behind him. “Did I wake anyone else?” Zuko’s voice was tight as Sokka walked forward to the edge of the bed.

“I don’t think so. I was having a hard time sleeping so I decided to patrol. I was right outside your door when I heard you yell.” 

“Bed too soft?” he asked, letting one of his legs drop, and resting his elbow on his knee.

“Not at all. Never slept in something so comfortable, but Aang came to our room after you kicked him out and he kept moving around too much. Not to mention Toph snores loud enough to cause an earthquake.” Sokka put the lantern on the nightstand and took a seat on the bed. “So I guess you weren’t lying about having nightmares to make me feel better.” 

“I wish.” The blue eyes that stared at him were flickering with orange from the candle and he wondered if Sokka knew just how beautiful he was. “It was my mother. She said goodbye to me before she disappeared, and I couldn’t stop her. I was in a bed, just like this in the palace when it happened and I guess it made me think of her.” 

“It’s alright. After my mom died, I had dreams that she was calling my name and I couldn’t find her, or she was falling just out of my reach.” He looked so sad, and Zuko wanted to reach out, place a hand upon his neck the way he had on the boiling rock, but something had changed between them since the kiss. Touch was a powerful thing in the fire nation, reserved only for the closest relationships. A single brush of skin would be enough for Zuko to lose control, so he pulled his hands close, mindful of their desire. He had been so cold to Sokka since that night, but Sokka still was here, making sure he was alright in the darkness of the bedroom. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was ashamed of what happened. The fire nation was very strict about what kind of love was allowed and if someone didn’t fit into their definition, they were sent away to be hidden, to protect the fire nation’s image. I guess it’s hard to not feel afraid when faced with yet another reason why I am a stain on my family’s name.” Sokka’s eyes went wide.

“So it’s true then?” Zuko sneered at him. “Not that you’re a stain. That you like boys.” He relaxed his sneer, but still felt a tightness in his chest. He focused his attention on the scratchy embroidery on his blanket. 

“I don’t like anybody.” Sokka rolled his eyes.

“Okay then how about you’re attracted to boys? No feelings, just plain old ‘that is a pretty man’ recognition.” _Lie._ That was always his first instinct. It had kept him safe, kept him alive for so long that he could barely hear over the beckoning call, telling him to hide himself away. He considered giving in, but he couldn’t ignore the feeling of safety that emanated from Sokka.

“Yes.” Zuko waited for the world to collapse around him, but it didn’t. He expected Sokka to look victorious, but he didn’t. He just looked like Sokka. 

“It’s hard for me to understand why the world would try to control something like that. In the South Pole, there was no rules about who could love who. I didn’t even realize it might be an issue until after we found Aang. We were an earth kingdom town and I heard a fight. I didn’t know what the words they were calling each other meant, and neither did Katara. I had to ask Aang, and he said that they were hate words for people like me and my dad. I guess even back in the day there was stigma.” Zuko sputtered in surprise.

“Wait, your dad is….also likes boys?” Zuko didn’t know what to call it. ‘Light footed’ and ‘gentle’ seemed inappropriate for one as strong and sturdy as Hakoda, and he suddenly felt strange about the words, the words used to dance around and avoid talking about boys who dared to love other boys. Sokka shrugged.

“Yup, I’m a chip off the old block. The first crush I ever had was a warrior boy named Kenzo. He had just turned sixteen, so he was old enough to go off with the rest of the men to fight in the war. He taught me how to tan leather.” Sokka said with a laugh. For a moment, Zuko considered staying silent before smiling at his own memory, deciding that it might be nice to share it. 

“Mine was a servant boy in the palace. He had pink eyes, the same color as cherry blossoms, and I used to spend hours wishing he would look at me so I could see them.” Suddenly, Sokka jerked slightly and Zuko looked over.

“Wait, pink eyes? Are you talking about-“and Zuko watched as Sokka brought his left hand forward in a fist and with three fingers on his right, pulled back, like an archer with a bow. Zuko’s breath left him.

“You know him? How?” Zuko could have burst. 

“We met him and his sister Chenna in a fire nation town after the day of black sun while we were disguised as colonials. They were really nice. They gave us food and directions to the river town, and I learned a couple of hand symbol words. Look!” He placed his cupped hand to his chest and pulled it downwards. “That means I’m hungry.” Zuko couldn’t stop the relieved smile that broke out across his face. They were alive. His father hadn’t killed or imprisoned them. 

“I didn’t know what happened to them after they were dismissed. I’m glad to hear that they’re okay.” Sokka smiled back and gave a small laugh. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. It’s just that of all the people in the world, you and I have both fallen in love with white haired ones. Just a funny coincidence.” 

“I wasn’t in love with him. It was just a crush. And it had nothing to do with his hair. It was his eyes. I had never seen something so entrancing.”

“For me it’s hands. I stared at Kenzo’s hands the entire time he was trying to teach me and I still didn’t learn to tan leather until my father intervened.” As subtly as he could, Zuko examined his own hands, curious as to what Sokka thought of them, and although he didn’t know it, Sokka was wondering what Zuko thought of his eyes, and for both of them, the answer was the same: beautiful.


	36. And all of the time I spent being not me

“This is the kind of wacky, time wasting nonsense I’ve been missing!” With a collective sigh, the group relented to the very stupid idea of going to see a play about themselves. Zuko sighed especially loudly and received a cocky grin from Sokka. It looked like Zuko was about to say something when he noticed a hand on Suki’s waist slip away as Sokka approached him. He averted his eyes as fast as he could, and pretended not to notice that everyone else had wandered away, and now it was just him and Sokka. “I wonder if their version of you will be better than mine.” For a second, Zuko was confused before he suddenly remembered the poorly constructed mimicry from the war balloon. It had made him so mad in the moment, but looking back, he laughed at the memory. 

“I don’t know how it could be worse, but the Ember Island players are pretty bad. I can’t wait to see how they depict you. Maybe they’ll just have a girl play you, to get the voice right.” Sokka smirked as he took a seat on the stairs next to Zuko.

“You’ve met my dad. Just wait till my voice drops, then you’ll be sorry.” Zuko rubbed absentmindedly at the back of his sweating neck with the lavish hand towel he found in the bathroom closet. He tried to imagine Sokka with a deep baritone like Hakoda, but ended up just picturing Sokka’s head on Hakoda’s body instead. He furrowed his brow at the strange image and shook his head to clear it.

“So I guess you and Suki are back together?” For his absurdity, Zuko was rewarded with a long, disbelieving stare.

“Dude, no. I told you, she told you, that she doesn’t like me that way. She’s probably more into girls than I am. Not that I don’t like girls, I mean, come on, how could you not?” Zuko shrugged gently and Sokka’s eyes went wide “Not that there’s anything wrong with not liking girls! As a matter of fact I know plenty of people who don’t like girls, it’s just that I personally like girls in addition to liking boys and-“ 

“Sokka.” Zuko cut off his rambling tirade and watched as the blush that was developing on his cheeks deepened. 

“Sorry. I just meant that it’s all fine. Why did you ask about me and Suki?” It was Zuko’s turn to blush.

“I just saw that you had your arm around her. In the fire nation, everyone is much more reserved with touch, and I guess I still haven’t gotten used to the way the rest of the world is. Sometimes I see you all hugging and touching and it surprises me. Not to mention, my father isn’t exactly a hugger, so after my mom died it was years before I had any human contact. And that was just because Uncle helped me while I was healing.” He could feel Sokka’s eyes upon him, but chose to focus on the sweat drenched towel. 

“I can’t image not getting a hug for years.” A couple of sparrows flew overhead, and Zuko watched as they settled on one of the rafters in the hall. A nest was situated in the corned by the two main beams and the tiny creatures stepped in, laying almost on top of each other to be able to fit. It reminded him of the closet in the prison, when Sokka’s legs were pressed to his. That was the closest thing he had to what the sparrows did. 

“Luckily I’m not a huge fan of touch, so it didn’t bother me,” 

“You didn’t even hug Mai when you were dating?” He felt like a fool, looking back at the relationship that she had so lovingly crafted. They would sit together, and the closeness was nice. It felt like a warm sip of tea after a long cold day, quenching a thirst for company that he didn’t know he had, but that was about it. They didn’t hug or kiss or anything beyond that. He hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, barely even registering the absence of such things.

“Not really. Like I said, touch is a very private thing so even if you’re dating you shouldn’t be all ooey gooey in public, and since she wasn’t interested in me, we never really did anything in private.” Sokka snorted out a laugh. 

“Wait what? What do you mean she wasn’t interested in you?” 

“Oh, I guess I never told you. I found out on the boiling rock that she likes girls and assumed that I liked boys and since people like us aren’t allowed in the fire nation, she built a relationship to help us avoid suspicion.” Sokka pinched his face and shook his head.

“What? When did you have time to have that heart to heart with her? Also, if that’s true, then how did you not realize that she was into girls? Were you oblivious that you never kissed your own girlfriend?” Zuko was about to respond when Sokka’s eyes went wide and he drew in a massive breath. “Was I your first kiss?” Red was all Zuko saw. Sokka had that uncanny ability to bring that out in him. “Even Aang had his first kiss before you and he’s twelve!” 

“That wasn’t my first kiss!” he shouted. The sparrows flitted into the air, startled and voice came from across the courtyard.

“You don’t have to announce that every time you lock lips Sparky.” Toph was leaning up against one of the pillars, nonchalantly tossing a rock in her hand. Zuko jumped up from the steps and quickly surveyed the courtyard for more peeping children.

“We weren’t kissing. I was referring to what happened on the island.” Now Sokka took the opportunity to jump up.

“Wait, you told Toph? I thought you wanted it kept a secret?” Toph strutted towards the pair and laughed loudly.

“If you wanted it a secret maybe you shouldn’t be shouting about it in the courtyard. But in any case, it’s just me here. Everyone else is in the kitchens trying to make a meal without any pots. Seems weird that the firelord packed those up and left everything else but whatever.” Zuko growled and put his head in his hand.

“Toph, this is a private conversation. Why don’t you go help the others look?” He barked.

“Sure thing. I’ll be a big help.” She waved her hand in front of her face and Zuko slapped his forehead. Maybe he should write it down somewhere so he didn’t keep forgetting that she couldn’t see. She turned on her heel and left the courtyard as Zuko looked to Sokka, seeing confusion on his face. 

“I don’t understand. You told Toph that I kissed you?” He knew that he owed Sokka an explanation, but the words felt like sugar syrup in his throat. He swallowed hard.

“I needed to talk to someone about it. Who else was I going to talk to? Katara?” 

“Hello? What about me? The guy who was the other half of that kiss! Did she know that you liked boys when you told her? Or does she now just think I’m a huge creep?”

“I—“ Zuko awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, ”might have mentioned it after we got back from the boiling rock.” Sokka’s jaw went slack.

“We went through a life or death experience and even after that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me?” Sokka threw his arms out wide like he was about to take flight and Zuko sneered, angry that he seemed to be purposefully misunderstanding.

“I couldn’t even admit it to myself! And I didn’t tell her, she figured it out! She used her weird feet seeing thing and said that she could always tell when I was looking at you because it was the same feeling that Aang gets when he looks at Katara.” Suddenly, Sokka’s arms dropped to his side like they were made of lead. His face was blank and the silence was abrasive.

“You---you love me too?” There aren’t many things in this life that can make the world stop in quite the same was as realizing that you are in love with someone, nor realizing that someone is in love with you. Nothing in fact. He felt like he was falling and being caught all at the same time. An eternity passed after Sokka spoke, and yet no time at all. The world was still around them, but inside Zuko, chaos reigned. His heart beat so loud that you didn’t have to be blind to feel it in the air. Shaking hands revealed his apprehension but his serene face revealed his truth. Sokka loved Zuko. And Zuko loved him _too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt really want to leave it on a cliff hanger but you know when life is like "here hold this' and it turns out to be a fucking bomb


	37. I hope you know that it's not always happy in my head

“You love me?” Zuko managed to choke out those words after what seemed like a lifetime. 

“Of course I do, that’s not news. What is news is that you love me too?” Zuko furrowed his brow.

“Wait its news to me.” Sokka blinked poignantly, his incredulous face staring back at Zuko.

“Why did you think I kissed you?” A blush crept up Zuko’s neck and he responded in as quiet a voice as he could manage.

“I thought it might be a water tribe ritual or something.” Sokka laughed a dry laugh and rolled his eyes.

“No, Zuko. I love you so I kissed you.” Zuko nodded, wide eyed. “Now it’s your turn,” Sokka prompted. He felt so far away and while there was where he usually liked to be, now was not a usual time. Closing the distance between them, Zuko could feel Sokka’s breath on his face, see straight into those eyes that promised freedom and he let himself fall.

“I love you.” A wave of shock ran through his body. For years he had struggled, desperately trying to let his uncle know he loved him, but unable to say it. For years he had longed to hear those words from his father, and thought he would never say them again after his mother had passed. Everything in his body should have fought against him, protected him, kept him silent, but saying it to Sokka was as easy as breathing. It was as easy as letting go, and instead of falling, he was flying. A small laugh escaped his lips at the sensation. “I love you.” The way it felt on his tongue and sounded in his ears was incredible and addictive. He wanted more. He wanted to shout it to the world, to whisper it in the dark just to him, to let every single person hear it and know it. He wanted Sokka to know how it tasted on his lips. He dusted his fingertips across Sokka’s cheek and up onto the grown out hair on the back of his head, slowly, slowly drawing him in. The kiss was different; this time he was ready for it, ready for the feeling like lightning. He knew how dangerous it was to let lightning touch your heart but he did it anyway. 

He pulled back just as slowly as he had pulled him in, studying Sokka’s face. His eyes were closed, and his pink lips were slightly parted in absolute rapture. There would never be anything more beautiful to Zuko. He had seen dragon fire burn around him in colors previously unseen, glorious cities and unmovable mountains, paintings, carvings, works of great art. All of it paled in comparison to the boy in front of him. 

“Is Katara going to freeze me in a block of ice?” That wasn’t exactly what he had been intending to ask, but the thought made itself known none the less. Sokka laughed and then thought for a moment.

“Probably not, but just in case you might want to work on your fire breathing.”

“Breath of fire.” 

“Whatever.” Sokka said with a smile. Zuko took a step back, suddenly very aware that he was not wearing a shirt and began searching for his discarded tunic. 

“I was actually thinking that maybe we hold off on telling her.” He pulled the soft red shirt on over his head and absentmindedly smoothed out the fabric with his hands. “I haven’t even told anybody that like boys yet. Besides Toph.”

“And me. And I think Suki knows too.” Zuko counted the group up in his head.

“That leaves Aang and Katara.” Two out of six. Secret keeping was not his forte. That was not even counting Haru or Mai and Azula. “Anyway, I think its best if this is just between us for now.”

“Does this mean I can’t hold your hand at the play tonight?” Zuko blushed, about to make some snarky comment when a voice made him bite his tongue.

“Okay so we couldn’t find any pots but I did manage to put together a salad and some fish.” Katara was wielding a kitchen spoon and Aang and Suki were holding a large tray with plates for everybody. 

“Yeah leaves in a bowl. You’re quite the master chef Katara.” Toph said sarcastically, prompting a jab from Katara’s spoon.

“Dig in. The play will start soon and I want to get good seats.” With one last glance at Sokka, Zuko grabbed a bowl and sat on the stone floor, examining the salad. It was made up of pale green leaves, tan nuts and some small brightly colored balls that Zuko didn’t recognize at first. He picked one up and rolled it between his fingers, examining it in the light.

“Uh Katara, where did you find these?” She glanced down at her own bowl and then everyone else’s. 

“In a jar in the pantry. Or at least I assumed it was the pantry. It was empty except for these little berries.” Zuko squinted. 

“Katara these aren’t berries. They’re wax. We melt them in a bowl over the fire.” He brought it to his nose and sniffed. “These ones are plum blossom scented.” A laugh spread through the group as Katara began to pout. Aang tried his best to eat a bite of the salad anyway to show her that it wasn’t a big deal, but made a face at the strange taste and texture causing her to pout further. 

“It’s okay. We still have the fish. It was lucky Sokka caught them this morning.” Apparently, this was the last straw for Katara.

“If you like Sokka that much why don’t you marry him!” Zuko watched her stomp back into the house and grabbed a fish from the plate, considering her suggestion.


	38. Cause I don't know the perfect road to go down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well friends, we're getting so very close to the end. i don't plan a single word of this out so i cant say for sure how many chapters are left, but it is very not many. enjoy and thanks again and again for all your comments and kudos and just general support

The theater was exactly how he remembered it, filled with relaxed citizens on vacation, unaware that they were about to witness a massacre of the arts. He rolled his eyes at the exited chatter and climbed the steps to the balcony seats. They found a few open benches aligned with center stage and began to take their seats. For a moment, Zuko looked for Sokka, to make sure he was nearby, but considered that it might raise a few eyebrows if he made a scene so he took the first open spot on the bench next to Katara. 

“Hey umm,” Aang started, rubbing the back of his covered head, “I wanted to sit there.” _Yeah, well I wanted to sit by the person I love too but we can’t all get what we want_.

“Just sit next to me. What’s the big deal?” quipped Zuko, pulling his hood away from his face. He knew exactly what the big deal was, but he was still feeling nervous that someone might figure out how he was feeling and….Well, he wasn’t quite sure what the consequences of that would be quite yet. As a matter of fact, the more he thought, the more there didn’t seem to be any. There were fire nation consequences for sure, but he’d been on the receiving end of that before and didn’t hold the same respect for them as he once did. Before he could think on it any further, the lights dimmed and his thoughts with them.

The show began and Zuko smirked to himself as Aang’s actor revealed herself; he had gotten it half right. He wanted to see Sokka’s reaction, but didn’t allow himself to turn his head. They would share a laugh together later, in the company of just each other. That is, he thought they would, until he saw the Ember Island Players’ version of himself. It was not kind and he immediately began sulking. His teeth ground against each other as he seethed, finding it curious that his scar was finally making it into the mainstream knowledge at the worst possible time. Not to mention the uncomfortable ‘Blue Spirit’ scene. Zuko wondered if Aang had mentioned to the group that he was the blue spirit, but judging by his equally uncomfortable face, he assumed not. 

After a torturous first act, intermission offered a respite for the whole group, but it was far too short lived. The second act resumed in full inaccurate swing, with “Aang” flying around the theater, making Zuko slink down in his seat and cover his apparently very recognizable scar. He was just about to lower the piece of paper that acted as a disguise when “Toph” who was being played by the most inaccurate and simultaneously accurate person released a loud, lengthy scream that hung in the air long after it had ended. The crowd had unanimously decided that this marked the decline in story, beginning to yawn and slip into light sleep. A quick glance around revealed no less than three in deep open mouthed slumber and Zuko took it upon himself to stay occupied by guessing how many more would be asleep after each scene. He was doing a fairly good job until a strange depiction of Jet caught his attention. It was the same Jet after all, but the actor was wobbling around the stage with large plastic eyes and a monotone voice. At first he mistook it for just another untalented thespian, but when a large boulder landed on him, ending his reign of terror, Zuko furrowed his brow.

“Did Jet just die?” he murmured to Sokka over his shoulder.

“You know, it was really unclear.” This answer made Zuko uneasy and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He hadn’t known Jet for very long and they had a mildly antagonistic relationship to put it lightly, but he was just a kid Zuko’s age. An involuntary sigh escaped his lips. Just another name in the long list of the dead that he kept in his soul.

All of this was terrible. The hyperbolic scenes were akin to watching an intricate and detailed painting that had been lovingly crafted be painted over by a toddler with anger issues, but the worst scene was more like having sand rubbed directly in your eyes by said toddler. He pinched his face as he powerlessly watched it unfold.

“I have to admit Prince Zuko, I really find you attractive,” the false-Katara crooned. He tried to temper his displeasure by reminding himself that everyone in the group knew how fake and wrong these depictions were.

“You don’t have to make fun of me,” his own facsimile pouted. A pain shot through his head. He had said almost that exact thing that when Sokka had insinuated something similar, meaning that his depiction was semi-accurate. A fact which made him even more irate than before. As surreptitiously as possible, he attempted to inch away from Katara. It got easier when Aang suddenly jumped up, leaving a vacant space on the far side of the bench. He breathed a sigh of relief, unaware that the true worst was still yet to come. His own betrayal to his uncle played out in front of his eyes, no matter how overdone, left a hollow feeling in his chest and he laid his head on the banister until the second intermission was signaled by the return of lantern light. Sitting in the hallway, his hood pulled as far forward as it could go, he mulled over the state of things as one by one, the group seemed to disperse. 

“Geez, everyone’s getting so upset about their characters. Even you seem more down than usual and that’s saying something.” Toph’s smugness was such a mild irritant at this point that he all but ignored it. 

“You don’t get it. It’s different for you. You get a muscly version of yourself taking down ten bad guys at once and making sassy remarks.” She barked out a laugh.

“Yea that is pretty great.”

“But for me, it takes all the mistakes I’ve made in my life and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he’s always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me. He taught me so much and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It’s my greatest regret and I may never get to redeem myself.” Toph slid down the wall until she was sat next to him. 

“You have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don’t realize it but you already have.” Zuko perked up.

“How do you know?”

“Because I once had a long conversation with the guy and all he would talk about is you.” He pulled down his hood, feeling like a weight was lifting from his chest with every word Toph spoke. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, and it was kind of annoying.” He frowned. 

“Oh, sorry.”

“But it was also very sweet. All your uncle wanted for you was to find your own path and see the light. Now you’re here with us, he’d be proud.” A smile had crept across his face without him realizing and the pleasant light feeling distracted him just enough to not see the incoming punch from Toph. 

“Ow! What was that for?” he asked, rubbing his arm. She shrugged. 

“That’s how I show affection.” He let out a small laugh, and looked over just in time to see a small child in a costume that looked suspiciously like Aang.

“Your Zuko costume is pretty good,” his jaw dropped at the audacity of this child “but your scar is on the wrong side,” curling his hands into fists, he shouted after the child.

“The scar is not on the wrong side!” Pulling the hood back on, he slammed his back up against the wall, arms crossed. 

“You have a scar?” He looked over at Toph, unsure about her level of sincerity and decided that it was time to take their seats. He pushed himself to his feet and grabbed her outstretched hand, helping her up.

“A little one. Barely noticeable.” He joked. It felt good to joke and he was in a slightly better mood as he sat down, bracing himself for the third act. It passed achingly slow, but he kept entertained by continuing his sleeping person spotting game. After an eternity, the play was caught up to the present, and he huffed out a breath of relief. With a quick tug of his hood over his head, he prepared to get up when he realized that it was still going. False-Azula and False-firelord (a character that would no doubt earn the director and actor a death sentence if his father ever found out) were alerted to the avatar’s presence, and false-Zuko sent false-Aang off stage, to let him face his sister alone. The girl playing Azula was particularly ham fisted in her delivery, but just like his childhood memories, the choreography was flawless. It wasn’t a dance per se, but the way the actors moved in coordination was the only redeeming quality of the whole play. He was fixated on the motions as they threw their fake fire when a wooden flame engulfed him and a bloodcurdling scream for honor echoed through the hall. The fake flame died out, revealing a void where the actor had secretly exited the stage via trap door. Even through the horrific acting, and poor graphics, it was clear what everybody was clapping for. He was dead. Killed by his own sister. He stared slack faced at the stage, feeling the group’s eyes on him. The horrific death of his character had finally made him want to pay attention, if only to see how this was going to play out. For a moment, he forgot he was watching a poorly produced play, and felt instead like he was stealing a glimpse into the future. From beyond the grave he was awarded this vision of Aang, struck down by the fire lord, and a world in flames, ruled over by his father and a clapping, cheering fire nation.

The walk back to the house was quiet and sullen. Nobody said goodnight, merely sharing a strange look as they all departed to their respective rooms. As Zuko lay in his too soft bed in his too big room, he was bombarded with images of Aang falling to the ground in a heap after being struck with lightning. Of his father’s face, filled with rage as he shot his own lightning at Zuko. Or the firelord standing victorious over the grave of a slaughtered world. There was one option only; Ozai had to die that the world may be allowed to live. He shoved his face into the pillow, feeling the weasel-goose down that he had wished for not all that long ago. How could he let himself get distracted? What was even the point of being ashamed of who he loved if he was going to be a pile of ashes under the heel of his baby sister? What was the point of even loving if in three days, everyone he loved could be dead? The pillow felt too soft under his head and he threw it across the room, not caring what damage it might have done. His own problems seemed so petty in the shadow of the world’s. All that mattered now was that Aang defeated the firelord. He had to make sure that he trained him, made him as ready as possible. A shiver ran through him. He was sending a twelve year old boy to face the most dangerous man in the world, the man who had caused so much pain and suffering that Zuko could not stop. He might not make it. None of them might, but as long as his father didn’t either, he would be able to finally rest. His goal consumed the entirety of his being, and there simply was not room for anything else. Once the firelord was destroyed, and if he and Sokka were still alive at the end of this one hundred year war, _then_ he would let himself be in love, he promised silently to himself. A promise he did not expect to be able to keep.


	39. But I know

The vibrant flora squished underneath his feet as he stomped away, seething. It felt like he was the only one in the entire group that realized how dire the situation was. He stopped short, letting the wind in his wake rush past his ears. They all knew how bad the fire lord was, every single person in the world knew how bad the leader of the fire nation was, but Zuko was personally, painfully aware of how bad his father was. Ozai, even before the death of his father Azulon, was dangerous; cold and unyielding, cruel, but not for pleasure, Zuko wasn’t sure if he even felt pleasure, but for sport, for power, for the hell of it. He smiled so few times in Zuko’s life that he could count them on one hand, if he were a man who had lost three fingers. 

The first time, he remembered, was the day Azula first firebent for him. She had been practicing, training for months at this point, not wanting to demonstrate her powers until she had the sequence absolutely perfect. Zuko had watched her practice until the sweat poured down her face and her hands began to shake, stepping in and forcing her to get some rest. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders as he walked her back to her room, and as she closed the door behind her, he turned to begin the trek to his room. It was only for a moment but from the corner of his eye he saw the firelord observing him. The next day, after Azula had flawlessly completed her set, the firelord glared upon her and spoke.

_”Very well done Azula. Perhaps next time, you will not take the advice of those less talented, and it will be perfect.” Azula’s whole body had gone stiff at the comment. She thanked him, and with a glance over her shoulder, shot daggers at Zuko. The firelord had smiled._

The second time was the day that he was crowned. The ceremony was exceedingly long and formal. It was the hottest day of the year, and even in the lightest silks, sweat ran down Zuko’s neck and sent a chill up his spine, like a fever. The entire country watched as the royal artifact was pinned into his hair and after hours spent kneeling as priests and advisers spoke traditional words and praises, Zuko’s knees screamed with pain. It wasn’t until he made his first declaration that he slightest smile crept across his lips, revealing teeth where Zuko had always pictured fangs. 

Honestly he was grateful that his father didn’t smile more. It left a horrific eerie feeling in his chest, seeing joy in someone so vile. Someone that he was sending a child after. His thoughts drifted to Aang. There was no doubt about it: Aang was wildly powerful, but the firelord was a master, having a lifetime to train and perfect his craft, not to mention the comet. The comet that his great grandfather had used to start the reign of terror a hundred years ago, the one that makes firebenders more powerful than they would ever normally be. Zuko felt sick. What was he thinking? The last time he had faced his father, he had been shot full of lightning and the only reason he was still alive to tell the tale was because of move his uncle had created, and even that hadn’t been enough to stop him. The air seemed much thinner than it had a moment ago and Zuko found himself starting to gasp to compensate. A hundred years of pain, suffering, loss, and agony were sitting on his shoulders, pushing him to the ground. Water from the soil was crawling up the fibers of his pants, his knees sank deep into the soft earth. All of his life it felt like he had to fight for what was right. To figure out what “right” was and how he fit into it. And each time it felt like he came out the other side having been wrong. He was wrong when he tried to capture the avatar, tried to fight a waterbender standing on a glacier, abandoned his uncle, stole the ostrich horse, betrayed his uncle, and so many things he could barely even remember anymore. 

His head was spinning, his hands shaking, and he pictured the fire lord ablaze, laughing and Aang, small and young, facing down death itself. Then he pictured Aang sitting on the beach sipping watermelon juice. All at once, the air returned to his lungs and a steadiness came over him. Here he was, history itself burning through his veins like a poison, while Aang was relaxing in the sun like a tourist on vacation. Like the battle for the fate of the world was not in two days. His breath was coming easier, as a matter of fact, it was coming in angry heaves, and his attention was now focused on one thing: he needed to teach Aang a hard lesson.


	40. I'm trying my best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ummmm yeah. i think this is it. i might do an epilogue chapter but this was always where i was planning on ending things. when i first started writing this, which feels like a million years ago, i had no idea that it would be recieved like this. i am so grateful for the support and feedback i've gotten and i just want to thank everybody. this has been such a good project for me to keep myself working and occupied. i've never written anything like this, let alone finished something like this and its definitely thanks to all the people that commented and gave kudos and to my partner who helped me know what love feels like so i could write about it with a degree of accuracy. thank you all again so much and now that i'm writing this note im sad its ending so i will almost certainly do a little epilogue chapter lol thank you thank you

“Let him go. He need to sort this out by himself.” Katara was so small under his hand. He often forgot just how small she was, instead seeing her as an incredibly powerful bender rather than a fourteen year old girl. Not for the first time, he felt it, like a tear in his chest, the recognition that they were all of them children on top of soldiers, warriors, leaders, benders. His soul was worn out; he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to carry this. Wasn’t sure how much longer he would have to. The sky was clear above him, sparkling with an uncountable amount of twinkling dots. Perhaps, when this was all over, the sky would finally fall, leaving only light. Everyone was stirring, stretching and bidding each other good night. They probably wouldn’t all make it to the other side. 

Zuko watched Suki’s short hair sway as she walked. She was so strong. She was fast and agile and a force to be reckoned with, even without bending. Toph stomped noisily behind her, perhaps the world’s greatest earth bender and inventor of metal bending. She didn’t even need to see somebody coming to be able to defeat them. Katara ran to catch up with the other girls. The last water bender in the southern water tribe. She found the avatar when everybody else had given up hope, and saved his life with healing that she had learned only months prior. She was a master already, even with less than a year of training under her belt. Two days hence, they might all be dead. Would Suki ever get the chance to see Kyoshi Island again? Would Toph ever get the chance to hit a growth spurt? Would Katara ever see her family again? Had Zuko not been in the courtyard, had he been in the privacy of his room, he might have broken down, letting the sobs in his chest burst forth from his mouth and wonder about his own chances. Would he ever see his uncle again or would he die by the hands of his baby sister who he had doted on so tenderly in her infancy? With a start, he turned sharply on his heel, taking long quick strides towards the sanctuary of his bedroom. The door closed quietly behind him and he let a shaking breath ease from his lips. 

He welcomed the darkness. The light revealed too much and no matter how hard he tried to look away, the images always seemed to burn behind his eyes. If the sky should fall, leaving only light on the day of the comet, then it would be a world he did not belong in. Maybe the universe was trying to tell him something, warn him that his time was almost up. If Aang succeeded, where would Zuko’s place be in a peaceful world? He was made of fighting and anger, hatred and desperation. Those would be ancient relics of a bygone era if his father was destroyed, a cold memory of how things used to be before the avatar brought balance. He shook his head. For better or for worse, fighting and struggling were all he had ever known, and he didn’t believe the universe would waste its energy on sending him signs. Looking up at the ceiling, but in his head beyond it, he shouted.

“I’m not scared of you. I was a prince and then soldier. I served tea and I trained the avatar. I may not know my place in that world but I will find it.” His voice echoed off of the walls, and he sank down onto the floor, whispering to himself. “I will make sure that everyone else finds it too.” He hung his head, listening fruitlessly for a response.

“Zuko?” his head shot up and he scrambled to his feet, throwing open the door. Sokka was hard to make out, the light from the moon the only thing illuminating his face. “Are you okay? I heard shouting? Another nightmare?” Zuko could feel his cheeks heat up.

“Oh, uhh no. I was just talking to myself I guess.” Sokka nodded.

“Okay. No judgement here. But if you ever want to talk to another person, just let me know.” He said, shrugging largely.

“I will.” Zuko replied. Sokka gave a quick flick of his brow and began to walk back to his room when Zuko stepped out into the hallway. 

“I wouldn’t mind another person.” Sokka turned, a grin on his face. “I get bored of talking to myself sometimes. That guy has the stupidest ideas.” 

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say it.” Sokka remarked, putting his hands up in a gesture as he slid into Zuko’s room. Zuko closed the door behind him and watched as Sokka wandered around the room, in much the same manner as his first night at the air temple, poking and prodding random things throughout his survey. “So what do you want to talk about?” Suddenly Zuko started to sweat. He had no idea what he wanted to talk about, but he pulled Sokka back into his room, so he had to think of something quick. 

“Uh…” he began to fiddle with the hem of his shirt. “Did you know that there is a secret flower language?” Sokka spun around.

“Flowers can talk?!” he screeched, dropping the hairbrush he had picked up and been combing through his hair in the mirror. 

“No. I meant that there’s a secret code that uses flowers to represent words and concepts so humans can talk to each other.” His face went red.

“Oh yeah. I guess that makes more sense.” He wandered over towards the bed and sat on the edge, arms behind him, making his shoulders scrunch up. “So, what? Did somebody send you a secret flower message?” A red camellia flashed in his mind.

“No. I was just thinking about things I learned in the fire nation. I wanted to see if there was anything that might give us a leg up when the comet comes.” Sokka sat up straight. 

“Any luck? Maybe a chapter in a book that says ‘the comet makes firebenders powerful but also makes them really allergic to cherry blossoms and able to be rendered powerless by a flower’?” Zuko couldn’t help the smirk that spread across his face at the absurdity. Just a few months ago he would have been able to, even a few weeks, but now there wasn’t a single hope. 

“I don’t know. I daydreamed during my lessons.” Zuko took his place on the bed next to Sokka, not quite touching, but close enough to feel the warmth radiate off his body. He turned his head to look into blue eyes and found himself looking away with a start. It was as if the very sight of Sokka happy made his mind remember just how fragile this moment is. Instead of warm skin and cool eyes, he saw burning fire and cold bodies. He was lying about thinking of fire nation secrets, but he should have been. He should have been practicing his bending, or making maps of the fire nation’s palace, or planning or anything that might help them in their impossible task to find peace. 

“What’s wrong?” He hadn’t realized how visible his thoughts were and he silently scolded himself. 

“Nothing. It’s late. I should probably get to sleep.” 

“Oh. Okay.” The bed groaned under the change in weight as Sokka got to his feet. “You know, it seems like every time I walk past your room there’s some sort of screaming coming from it, and I end up knocking on your door to make sure you’re okay. Maybe I should just cut out the middle man and stay with you tonight.” The proposal was met with several quick blinks. “And like I said, Toph snores anyway so you’d be doing me a favor.” Zuko cleared his throat. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Sokka rubbed the back of his head.

“I know you said you don’t like people around when you’re sleeping because of your nightmares but I get them too and maybe if we’re together it won’t be so bad.” The fidgeting hands in his lap were the only thing he could bring himself to look at.

“Sokka look,” he started quietly, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about what happened in the courtyard. I meant everything I said, but this isn’t right. We can’t be together right now. Aang has one more day before he has to face the firelord in a fight for the fate of the world. We are going to be fighting off firebenders that are powered by Sozin’s comet and trying to put a stop to a one hundred year war. It feels like the world is ending. I can’t let myself lose focus.” The air was thick and silent, but Zuko stayed fixated on his hands, even as Sokka retook his seat on the bed.

“Is that what this is about? The end of the world?” Zuko flinched slightly. “Zuko, I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or the next day. You might be right. We could lose and the fire lord could take over everything, or we could win and everything could be great. Or we could lose and win another day, or we could win and have lost people in the fight. There’s no telling about the future, but right now is what we have and it’s what we make it. It does feel like the world is ending and if it is, I want to spend every second I have left with you.”

“But-“ Sokka cut him off before he could continue.

“Do you remember my first girlfriend?” Zuko hesitated.

“The moon?” 

“Yeah, that’s the one. Before she was the moon, she was a girl. The princess of the northern water tribe actually. She put her duty before love too and didn’t let herself feel what she wanted. She died in my arms, never having been true to herself because of what the world demanded of her. I’m not going to let you pull away too because you feel like the rest of the world is calling your name. I love you, Zuko and you love me, so before the world ends, can I stay the night?” With those words, everything else drifted away. All his fears were irrelevant in the light of the boy he loved asking to spend what could be their last night, together. His voice failed him, so he simply nodded. Sokka shifted, bringing his feet up onto the bed and laying his head on the opulent pillow with Zuko following suit. They were facing each other, knees pressed up against each other, hands entwined between them. He stared into Sokka’s eyes until they slowly closed and his breath steadied. Zuko traced his journey, his life, from the second he came into this world, through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, he had fought his way to this moment. He thought and thought, and let these thoughts lull him to sleep. He dreamt of warm arms wrapped around him, of soft kisses and blue eyes greeting him as he awoke. And when the sun rose in the morning, he found his dreams had come true. His face was buried in Sokka’s chest, breathing him in. Zuko dared the universe to let the sky fall. It didn’t matter. Sokka was holding him tight, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
